Im going home,
I dont know what to.
I suppose the river,
and the woods,
the cold icy streets
that hold so much sentiment.
Ill be too sober in the day.
Ill be too drunk at night.
Old friends wont know me,
while they all seem the same.
So much pain, and love, and words unsaid, watering my roots
in that town.
Im going home,
but am I?

Closer than my jugular vein, you flow
through sacred passages until you reach
the part of me where everything resides.

You tap into my nerves. My firmament
gives way to you, and I melt into your
depths, the one place where I can feel secure.

I mediate on you, and I can feel
your warmth radiate through me, until we're
glowing like embers on a wind-chilled night.

We make a pretty good team, you and I.
Let's stay together a while longer,
just until I can get back on my feet.

Hold me close, in your smothering embrace;
I'll wash my hands in you, and be absolved.

People dissolve feelings dissolve
I'll dissolve this city will dissolve
Those people with liquor
Those people with sticky lips
While with other sit and sip
They claim it is ichor
That runs through their veins
Liquor is just a chain
That grips their brains
At night into false blissfulness
But when sober they know sinfulness
People dissolve feelings dissolve
When will I dissolve
Will i dissolve before i find resolve
Will i feel unfinished in life
And left like a ***** knife
For sinners
To eat with over dinner

Well these ******* naps have got me waking up drunk.
Broken knuckles and scars I don't remember.
So many days spent in a daze,
Drinking and smoking haze.
A complex distraction for a complex problem.
It's killing me, I know, but maybe that's better than nothing at all.

How can you ask a self destructive mess to not be paranoid.
All the nights I spend hating myself
Analysis to a grand scale, of every miniscule detail.
Every second of the sunset, every plant that grows I turn to dust.
Why can I only ruin this paradise,
Too late to save someone, too ****** up to let someone love me.

This is pain,
Ruining my chances and knowing what I've done.
Hating myself for the actions I do, and the things I don't say.
Blaming myself, constantly.

But let's do another line, and wash it down with spirits,
Drown them in substances and pretend we're okay until it kills us.

Sitting in my trailer
Sleeveless shirt and cut off jeans
Chasing each tall *****
With some Jack and shots of Beam
Struggling with my issues
In the past and from today
Sitting in my trailer
Drinking my tomorrows all away

Another day of heartbreak
I got dumped, what the hell
There was not even a phone call
It was by electronic mail
Bits and bytes of rejection
flying through electronic space
Just to tell me "I don't love you"
I got emailed in the face

Sitting in my trailer
Sleeveless shirt and cut off jeans
Chasing each tall *****
With some Jack and shots of Beam
Struggling with my issues
In the past and from today
Sitting in my trailer
Drinking my tomorrows all away

A week ago I was fired
Went to work like every day
found the door locked and all boarded
He ******* off with all my pay
No notice, and no phone call
Just a sign upon the door
A cardboard notice of rejection
Saying "you don't work here no more"

Sitting in my trailer
Sleeveless shirt and cut off jeans
Chasing each tall *****
With some Jack and shots of Beam
Struggling with my issues
In the past and from today
Sitting in my trailer
Drinking my tomorrows all away

My dog ran off last weekend
Left the house and ain't come back
He ran off with that pack of dogs
And he ain't coming back
I bought him as a puppy
Now he's left and he's long gone
But he left a pile of rejection
On the corner of my lawn

Sitting in my trailer
Sleeveless shirt and cut off jeans
Chasing each tall *****
With some Jack and shots of Beam
Struggling with my issues
In the past and from today
Sitting in my trailer
Drinking my tomorrows all away

My tomorrow's may be better
But then again, I'm not so sure
I've got the blues from this rejection
And I don't think there's a cure
so I sit here in my trailer
Drinking the same thing every day
Sitting in my ripped t-shirt
Drinking all my tomorrows away

I'll keep it to myself.
Let it tear me apart,
From the inside out.
You know, some people never change.
Sometimes, its better off that way.

And as the maggots come to be,
They rest in the best parts of me.
So go ahead,
Shut lock that door,
Those places aren't special no more.

Soon enough there won't be a single piece,
Left of who I use to be,
But maybe its better off this way,
Maybe ill start over someday.

Oh no, im not scared to die,
I just dont think I can look,
Into your pale blue eyes.
It might be a silly fear,
But a promise is a promise my dear.

So ill keep it to myself.
There's no point in letting it out.
Its fading and decaying anyway,
I already can't recall yesterday.

Dont want you to see what I have become,
I wash my guilt away with long walks and ***.
Oh no, it dont help that much.
But nothing does after you've lost touch.

So I'll keep it to myself.

It burned as it went down my throat,
It was warm when It settled in
It was a rush when it finally hit me
But by that time you were in glory
Vulnerable to anything
This is not me
My blood flushes through my body faster than ment to be  
losing control, enjoying this lust
Maybe who I was isn't really who im supposed to be
I want this to be me