Wallflowers
drifting through walls
wilted
rotting family trees
like fungi feasting
on buried roots

It is not your house
that is broken
Decrepit beams
may wear
but never rot
When there is little left
but scattered boards
wanton wood
Shingles
They ask you
how your eyes
could be so weak
Watery
Maybe it was the flood
pouring through them
Who wants to blink
muddy tresses
away?
Feel it all crumbling
about you.

how do i feel they ask
9 months out of treatment
and how am i suppose
to say how i actually feel

when the light
in my mother eyes
is the brightest they’ve been
since before any of this
struck my soul to the core
15 years ago

when the words
my siblings speak
are like walking on
broken glass whenever
i am around
because i know they’re scared
any little thing will
set me off

when the volume
of my dads voice
has been the softest
it’s been since
before my ****** up
memory can remember

i just want to be free
i just want to be treated normal again
i just want everyone to know that
i’m hurting but it will not be the end of the world

As I approach the broken path,
The rolling hills,
Deep dusty baths
Of valleys waning
Far into the distance,
Beyond the smoky sky’s reaching;

I notice black broken rocks askew.
The breathless air,
Late mourning dew
Disrupted.

The land sits at unease,
Holding its bated breath
For something that would never happen.

I stand
Dazed; mind deterring
My hitherto partner.

I think to how I have passed this way before,
How it was different
How it was my first time
How the land was fresh and full of life
How time has degraded it.

Now it had passed,
Yet scars were left;
Not only to the land…

Struggling, I now remember
In blinding clarity
That I had passed this way before,
Alas, not alone.

I have the heart of a racehorse
The second you are near.
You make me turn bright red
I slow my breathing out of fear.
My heartbeat is so loud
I don't want you to hear.

You affect me.
I feel like I've done an 100m dash.
Those brown eyes,
Smoulder like coals amongst ash.
They set fire to my soul,
I've never wanted to do something so brash...

Cold hands.
Warm heart.
A quiet word in my ear,
You make speaking an art.
After hours with you,
I can't bear to be apart.

I was stupid...
I pulled away.
It was for good reason and yet,
I will always hate the day
When I realised that
I am shattered clay.

I took such solace in simply
Sleeping on your shoulder.
You chased away nightmares
As my dreams grew colder.
I've never been more grateful
For my own knight-in-shining-armour.

But I can't let you mend me.
It isn't how I was made.
I don't know God's Plan,
All I know is that I can't fade.
It is not my time to leave this Earth
And make the soul trade.

It is a strange thing to realise too late
That you love someone.
You can't control it.
You got caught up in the fun.
Before you know it, time flies by
And you only know when it's done.

I've come to know
That I cannot just come up with a rhyme
To make this all feel better.
We were together for such a short time,
And yet, all I saw was a future together.
Thinking about this should be a crime.

I let you go,
A huge mistake.
And every time I remember,
My heart might just break
And I won't feel this again.
I know it isn't fake.

The more I remember
How things were,
The more I cry .
I thought I was so sure.
I miss you already...
You are my cure.

That isn't a good thing
Is that why I'm in pain?
I shouldn't have let you fix me
It was supposed to be my gain
But now you've gone and done it
That's why I'm standing in this rain.

Paint me as a monster
With the **** of your cigarette-
But when the ash disperses
And the smoke has cleared,
Accept your truth and know
Like ash and smoke
You let me go

going home isn’t always
returning to a place.
sometimes
it is returning to yourself.