Today Snapchat reminds me
that a year ago you made me smile
and I feel a wave of sadness
for the happy ******* my screen
with tears in her shining eyes
I hear her say that she’s happy
and for a moment I’m envious
of her naivety of love

Today Snapchat reminds me
that two years ago we went
on our first date
but what it doesn’t show
is you showing up late in a ***** t-shirt
your eyes sunken in
and cheeks hollowed
from a night full of lines
and little white pills

Today I am reminded
that for you I didn’t have
rose coloured glasses
instead I had rose coloured irises
I was unable to take off
the admiration I had for you  
so I let myself believe that
what you gave me
was love

I still miss you
like you’re a word on the tip of my tongue
that I can’t quite spit out
and no matter how hard I try
you never show up when I need you to
—you only rear your head at night
long after my head hits the pillow
and my eyes finally rest
—only then do I remember you

I know you no longer think of me
I was never a fond memory for you
there was never a place in your mind
for my naive love stories
but you let me break my own heart anyway
maybe it made you feel something
to watch me shatter
and for a moment
you became addicted to hurting me
like I was your newest high
but like everything else
you grew a tolerance for me
and tossed me aside for the next drug

Before I die
I wanna try
Just one day
Without a lie
To feel free
In every way
Help me be
Run a mile
Go and play
With a smile
Make me cry
For a while
Not get high

Feels so good to be back with you
On top of the world again
They said you were no good for me
But i love you.
They gathered in a crowd
Grabbed and yanked at my arms to stop my meeting you
But you make me feel so free
So wild inside.
So in the moment
Not worried about a second that was or will be
Living purely in this tiny moment of now
When i'm with you
I'm so above the ground.

Just another self-indulged addict
Addicted to the attention writing brings
So I indulge this hobby that separates me from them
In hopes you'll give me my next fix
And sustain me the days my creativity runs dry
A writers block
An addicts road to recovery

I write to be different
I write for the attention
I write for my addiction.

I walked to meet up with the dope dealer
To get some more of the soul stealer.

The melancholic grin of the old
As the cold hurts the inner soul
Crumbles the bones of the bowed legs
Aspirin, ******, and saccharin

Puncture wounds of a snake that bit you
My friend, have you lost
Your battle with the truth
Can't you face the reality of addiction

Cheers, cheers, cheers
With another beer
Look at how society leers at you
You warm-hearted tool.

Your kiss leaves an acid ring that devours my skin
This isn't what I had in mind when you asked me to sin

Your taste is like cold ash sitting on my tongue
You said swallowing fire was supposed to be fun

You tore me apart and never quite pieced me back together
Now I'm hooked on your burn and I'll need it forever

Running your fingers down my arms I lean into your touch
But you always back away and laugh claiming I want too much

I'm addicted to the way your hands mar my flesh
I'm chasing your love like I'm chasing my death

If I could leave you I would but I'm masochistic
If I escaped your torture I know that I'd miss it

Good night
To my love and my plague
to the liquid courage that ends - no,
starts my day
I cannot wait to taste you soon

Good morning
To regret and to shame
to asking, what did I do this time
since I cannot remember

Good day
to the longing
to the thoughts of you on my lips again
the shame has already faded by now,
and has opened more room for you to fill my head

Hello and goodnight
To my love
I welcome your sickness once again
and as always,
I am pleased to cease the thoughts
for tonight