#adderall poems on Hello Poetry

James Shay Jun 2016

I want my last words to be meaningful... Then again, everybody does. The sad truth is, no words come close to meaning. The fact that we have to take seperate words and put them together like a puzzle for someone to even understand it, which sometimes they don't, amazes me. I'm sure a time will come where a thousand pictures is worth a word, and not vice versa... Then maybe absence will be meaningful. Until then, I have no last words. None would properly fit the missing piece to the puzzle.

Explanation:

549 days ago, I tried to commit suicide. I tried to end my life, and my only friends at the time were on the internet. I was clinically depressed, with crippling social anxiety, and wanted to end my life. I swallowed a half empty bottle of Aderall, containing 20 pills, and was rushed to the hospital when my parents came home and found the pill bottle across the room, no pills inside them, and they pumped fluid into me to save my life. I remember the humiliation of waiting in the waiting room, blood dripping down my entire arm, while my mom argued with the nurse about how "Her son is going to die" and "Get him in a room now".. I remember coming back home for the first time since this incident 2 weeks ago, and I couldn't tell them. I couldn't tell any of them I was still alive. I read all their beautiful comments, and I didn't have the heart to tell them they grieved for nothing. This post contains the last words I said, the words that were going to be MY last words. But I didn't die. So I still have a blank page left to write those words in.

The Response Comments:

"**** it, I love you don't. If you went through with it may your soul rest in peace."
"I'm literally in tears right now..."
"Rest in peace, there may not be a god, but there is an afterlife.. i'll see you when i get there."
"It is best to tell everyone of you now that he has...Passed, we all loved him, and knew him well but...He is gone as he stated...May he rest in peace..."
"NO"
"Ok I need some of your make believe fantasy right now."
"Sorry I couldn't help."

#friends #suicide #pills #death #lastwords #grief #adderall

Maple Mathers Feb 2016

I've just heard my grandson has coloured his ******* red

Two inconnu sheathed within sight of one moon
Betwixt embers'and uppers consumed by whom
Two nocturnal allies have each exhumed
By Caffeine and Adderall's swindling tomb
And Nicotine's cluches; an imbibing room

He can't spell
I can't speak
Parallels
None bespeak

He's got canines and relatives
To replete empty spots
Whilst a book full of lies
Keeps my soul ersatz.

So, too soon or too late
I will resume
And instigate
This nighttime bloom

For Phil Roberts
http://hellopoetry.com/phil-roberts/

(All poems original Copyright of Eva Denali Will © 2015, 2016)

#moon #alone #empty #coffee #night #book #message #nocturnal #adderall #ciggarettes

Maple Mathers Jan 2016

AtHerAll - Afterall

Last class:*

Muddled mind and bleary eyed
Concentration took a fall
Find a hollow - crawl inside
Lost the pills to Now-Tow Hall

Benzos - always second choice
Wear my Kpen like a shawl
Want to whine with all my voice
GIVE ME BACK MY ADDERALL

This class:

**Iris in on what's inside
Orange bottle of enthrall
Guidance, I will not abide
my true love - oh adderall

Tweaking out with pupils wide
Shrink my presence, oh so small,
Temptations I will all abide
Personified a mere rag doll.

#addiction #drugs #insane #adhd #addict #add #prescription #adderall #klonopin #stimulants

svdgrl Nov 2015

Central Nervous Intersection

"It's not for anxiety," they said, tightlipped but concerned,
they don't understand that I can't pay attention if my heart beats louder than my words,
The sound of my thoughts coming at me like trains and bike and buses,
honking at me to say something articulate,
is much louder than their confused voices explaining that the blue pill is to stop the jitters,
but I've got other issues.
They don't see that there is a tea kettle bubbling in my stomach that shoots hunger through its long nose,
in shrill whistles that pierce my insides.
It's all I can hear when the TV is on and I haven't eaten.
But that little chemical spreads inside me like a blanket of silence, quells the screaming children
and the little girl constantly tugging at my heartstrings,
making indiscernible chords that only
echo as the sound of jealousy, fear and self loathing.
She tucks her self in and keeps her hands to herself for a few hours.
As the blue devils shovel more coal in the bed warmers,
the sound of metal clanging is muted by their powers.
Chipping away at the noise makers, the inhabitants of my tortured soul-
I love the empty I feel on adderall.

#metaphor #noise #emotions #adderall

Cat Fiske May 2015

Uppers [10w]

I love'd you,
with open hearts,
your love,
was* **stimulating.

love is like drugs, or you love drugs,
what?
10w

#life #alcohol #10w #hearts #**** #nicotine #******* #stimulate #adderall #lifesicks

Olivia Apr 2015

Adderall

It’s sickening to me,
 that you’ve developed medicines to reduce my creativity. 
It’s almost like I’m up to my chin in the ocean, unable to swim. 
But I’m too afraid to cry,
 because if I do the water level might rise, 
causing me to drown in a sea of diagnosis and pills.
Losing my mind to people who think I’ve already lost it. 
Thrown into a room scraping at the door trying to unlock it. 
It’s driving me insane that you think my brain moving too fast does anything but save me.

#creativity #adderall

Brittany Wynn Mar 2015

Senior Year Killed the Syllabus Week Pt. I (10w)

Tuesday night Adderall highs
Strung out on sleepless Spotify

#music #10w #college #sleepless #student #nightowl #spotify #senioryear #allnighter #adderall

Ben Oct 2014

adderall (counting sheep to a thousand)

focus needle sharp and glowing
piercing the rare white winter calm
of my mind at rest
like a ray of too bright to see sunlight
too hot to do anything but set
the edges of conscious thought ablaze
where they blacken and burn fast
curling inwards with steady flames
roiling over ashen fingers grasping at
the long forgotten Morpheus's throat
prying wide the sleeping god's eyes
fastened open by Prometheus's chains
Hades, Tartarus, eternal penance,
for bringing inspiration into this
dark human world
the price I paid in sleep for grades

#hell #sleep #insomnia #school #morpheus #adderall

Duke Thompson Oct 2014

Enough

Got new job today
After hanging up phone
Went for smoke on deck
Looking up at gloom laden sky
Down at wet vermilion leaves
Felt nothing (empty blessing sickness)

Bored
Want for whole charade to be over
All this *******
Therapy and

ADD meds
That make me feel like a zombie
(Dead eyes in mirror look through you)
Abuse them anyway
I don't want to stop

Pretending
To be so much better for family
Really still useless (dead weight anvil)
Really still high dreaming
Of tall buildings on rainy nights
Or ketamine bathtubs
Ready for the end

Tired
Of worrying about the girl
Remorseful poison
Afraid it will take her away
Says she can't stop
Don't want her to go

#poison #tired #enough #adhd #pretending #add #adderall

Justin Time Jul 2014

Refill

One day at a time
My Mom's the strongest
At alcoholics annonimous

One day at a time
I count my pills
Doctor hopping prevents the chills

They keep her going
Her AA peers
Four months in, without a beer

They keep me going
Addies, I'm wide awake
Kolonopin, come reduce my shakes

So proud of you
As I look in her eyes
New innocence within her mind

So proud of you
Her oldest son
Living lie, I am one

Can't sit still, feelings overflowing
I grab a pill, my cravings growing
Trick all my doctors with false symptoms
Just to control my nervous system

They say life has ups and downs
When I'm down, I pop some ups
Pop the downs when my heart erupts
My morals gone, I am corrupt

One day at a time
Made that motto evil
One day at a time
Countdown to my refills

#love #pills #life #hate #alcohol #evil #lie #proud #adderall #kolonopin