"It's not for anxiety," they said, tightlipped but concerned, they don't understand that I can't pay attention if my heart beats louder than my words, The sound of my thoughts coming at me like trains and bike and buses, honking at me to say something articulate, is much louder than their confused voices explaining that the blue pill is to stop the jitters, but I've got other issues. They don't see that there is a tea kettle bubbling in my stomach that shoots hunger through its long nose, in shrill whistles that pierce my insides. It's all I can hear when the TV is on and I haven't eaten. But that little chemical spreads inside me like a blanket of silence, quells the screaming children and the little girl constantly tugging at my heartstrings, making indiscernible chords that only echo as the sound of jealousy, fear and self loathing. She tucks her self in and keeps her hands to herself for a few hours. As the blue devils shovel more coal in the bed warmers, the sound of metal clanging is muted by their powers. Chipping away at the noise makers, the inhabitants of my tortured soul- I love the empty I feel on adderall.