My heart beats so strongly,
Yet it beats so softly.

In 2005,
I stepped into my high-school,
The last year of my high.

Dragon of my life,
Raged angrily as I performed,
Enjoying my efforts,
And I was honest,
My marks were nice,
Self-analysis gave me a few more.

Tasked with toiling hard,
All I did was procrastinate,
Shouldn't have done that,
Tests that I avoided,
Especially in secondary school,
Damaged my future goal.

Dawn and dusk,
I stayed awake,
Right then I thought about it,
Terribly doing at the test.

Seeing my Karma,
Obvious was the Phalam.

In the transition I experienced a lot.

Saw myself rise from potential death bed,
Helped by my loving parents,
Instead of passing away in anonymity,
Farewell to the first college,
Third girlfriend lied badly,
Essential narcissist off the ledge,
Dunno what she did prayed.

Transitions from non-medical sciences,
Over Biotechnology to commerce.

Men often are bitter,
Every time they jitter,
Deeming my actions unfair,
Inching me towards loneliness,
Calling me a Trojan Horse,
As they alienate ever,
Losing to my effort.

School, it was a great time,
College, it was just not mine,
Inundated by my tears,
Enthralled by my own life,
Never land of a comatose state,
Ceased to exist in my life,
Efforts put by my parents,
Slowly, I started on a clean slate.

And until now, I'm satisfied,
Not that the battle is won, but
Definitely I'm closer to victory.

Neither I am sad nor am I happy,
Over with the blues, I am patient,
But what if I never meet my end?

I don't want to live forever.

As I love my parents,
May they always stay with me.

Early adolescence is long gone,
Am missing those days,
Really carefree,
Not tensed,
I miss my past,
Not really the college,
Good were the school days.

Tasked with toiling hard to get a job,
Had I succeeded without help,
Really not without some grace,
Of my parents, and of my own,
Up above the recruitment exams,
Godly grace of my parents,
Helped me all along.

They all are happily married,
Had been my friends, but now
Enjoyin' only with their spouses.

Cheers to life,
Of course, I'm late,
Matters it to me,
Matter it does,
Early marriage was planned,
Really all got messed up,
Course of time,
Especially delivered to me.

Slowly, I realise my incompatibility,
Terribly wrong, wrongly terrible,
Realms of the dead I belonged,
Enjoying my life fully still,
Affluence sought-after,
My aim it remains.

🖤❤️🤎🧡🤍🩶🖤
Always hoping for the good,
Rarely depressed, but now
Elated only by Tom & Jerry.

Had my life been a little less lonely,
Indeed I wouldn't be depressed,
Dead sure my heart wouldn't be sad,
Dreading the gaping hollowness,
Everyday I wakeup hoping for validation,
Not ready for more blind criticism.

The fiancée was jealous of my success,
How not I wanted, she was exactly that,
Expecting her to read my poems & novels.

Yet she wasn't interested in any of my arts,
Especially she disliked my songs,
Loving me she wasn't capable of,
Lonely & unwanted I felt,
Of me she thought to be vain,
What she didn't know I felt,
Someone she didn't respect.

Ambitions she had extreme,
Not ready to put her Karma,
Didn't I want just love from her.

Respect my wars she did not,
Even my victories,
Didn't impress her,
So, I called off the marriage.

.
S – Sit down with me
N – Nibble my neck
U – Undo my top button
G – Gently massage my chest
G – Glance at me longingly
L – Let your inhibitions go
E – Enjoy the moment.


© Pagan Paul (04/12/18)
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