I want to express how I feel to you

Reality is somehow a blessing but it feels like pain
Even silly old me could be put into shame
Amidst everything that is objectively true
Loving you to me is the truest of true
Lonely are these days that you shut away from the world
You are the only who could change my mind to new from old

Love may be a strong word to say
Only you really made me feel this way
Vowed to my self that i might see it to the end
Ever wondering what is your perception of a happy end

Strange how this thing called "Love" work
How could it only struck me to you, that the other way didn't work
Alas, Having to meet you is a blessing that i have thanked gladly
Now, it does pain me to see you grow independently
Eager as i was i realized, the only one who was in love is me...

I never thought of giving up

Letting the years be my witness
On this path of hope and uncertainty
Vowing that I would meet you at my best
Ending this dream by making it a reality

Yielding to no one but you
Older we get, the greater we grew
Until we reached each other, me and you

Since that time, what i really want was
Having you here with me, was the aim
And I know you might not feel the same
No one asked me to do this and there is no one to blame
Even I, myself would agree but sorry if my greediness showed at last

Woke up feeling kinda good today,
Actually got out of bed on the first try.
Not every day has to be a struggle, right?
Thinking maybe things are finally looking up.

Took a walk, breathed in the fresh air,
Oh man, even my coffee tasted better.

Don’t know why, but I laughed for no reason,
I guess this is what normal feels like.
Everything’s fine. Totally fine.

Abused
Belittled
Used
Scared
Exploited

𝐈
𝐍ever
𝐅igured that
𝐀
𝐓eensy tiny
𝐔ndeveloped
𝐀ttraction would
𝐓urn
𝐈nto
𝐎vert
𝐍ausea

Attempting new
Creative endeavors
Reluctant at first,
Old habits fear change
Steadily pushing to prove
To myself
I
Can grow

©2025

Ink, spreading through my soul, my life, as I scribble endlessly:

Don't tell me this is normal, having two
Opposite sides of myself.
Never understanding how I can believe
Two opposing things at the same time.

Kindness always, but I long to be cruel. Love, but sometimes I
Need to hate, to feel the fire burning in my soul. The
Origin of this duality remains unknown, regardless of
What intense measures I have taken to try to understand myself.

Why am I so split? Why do I feel like I
Have to mask constantly to hide my dark side, to pretend like I'm
Only strange, not truly crazy.

I wonder sometimes what's wrong with me.

Am I falling deeper and deeper into
Madness every day?

Ask anyone: I'm "too nice". I'm sweet and enthusiastic and
Naive. But that is only one part of me. Nobody knows that every
Year I am forced to question if I am truly as good as the
Mask I put on. Yes, I am good. But I am also evil. My mind is an
Ocean, both life and death all at once. Am I just overthinking? Will I
Regret all of this worry, or regret that I didn't
Enlighten myself to the wonders and horrors of my mind sooner?

Yes, life may be cruel.
On some days, you might falter,
Under shadows of doubt, thinking
About letting it all slip away. But
Remember the strength within, and
Every joy that makes life whole, cause
Living is the greatest pride,
One that shines so bright. So, smile
Very wide, embrace your days, and
Enjoy each moment you hold dear.

Woke up inward bound
Angelic creatures above
Near enough to kiss
Door to the unknown
Energies of enigma
Revolve in mind wind

Working with the self
Organic evolution
Natural reflex
Defensive posture
Engage de-escalation
Reality check

Walking down the road
Actively minding business
Your shoes are not mine