I hunger to stamp a kiss on your cheek
Pucker my lips and taste your skin
Leave your imprint on my mouth
Of your sweet **** melanin

Your cheek so high and defined
The color of Cafe Au Lait
Smooth like satin sheets
Flawless like a bright clear day

Craving every part of you
But your face I long to touch
Tracing you with my fingertips
Aching for you so very much

Should I someday have the pleasure
To have your cheek pressed up on mine
I will bless you with my kisses
Our hearts forever intertwined

there are so many things i want to say to you
but don’t know how to say
without sounding like i’m ripping apart at the seams.
i think i might be.
maybe i should start again,
maybe i should find something to say you’ll want to hear,
maybe i should find something that will draw you in
and make you want to be so close to me
that if i’m the flame and you’re the moth,
i’ll burn you alive,
but it’s okay, because you’ve always loved danger.
there are so many things i want to ask you
but i don’t know how to ask
without sounding like i’ve lost my mind.
i think i have.
where do thoughts go after you forget them?
where does time go when you’ve lost track of it?
do you still believe in god?
when my youth leader prays,
she just repeats, “jesus…jesus…jesus,”
with so much love and admiration in her voice.
it’s the same tone i use
when i talk about you,
when i can say your name without crying.
the only time you saw me cry,
you pulled me into you and whispered,
“i’m gonna turn you into a softie.”
now i’m so soft that i fall apart when someone breathes the wrong way,
when someone tries to help me up,
i slip through the cracks of their fingers,
i break off if you touch me too roughly.
you made me soft,
but soft isn’t what i want to be
when everyone around me is made of glass and nails
and i end up getting cut and withering to nothing.
you left me with nothing,
not even so much as my name,
stripped me to the bone,
wrote about me until everyone could see my insides,
“dissected my spirit,”
left me to die,
but it’s okay, because you visit me every night.
i see your face in the dead of night
when i’m passed out from all the pills i took to forget you.
you’re in every dream,
every nightmare,
everywhere i don’t want you.
every dream results the way it really happened,
and i cry every night for someone who probably wasn’t even real.
there are about 1,025,100 words in the english language,
but i can’t ever seem to find a way to string them together
to explain the way my stomach feels when i realize you’re really gone.
i guess i could give it a shot,
but you said the word “shot” triggers you,
and the word “trigger” triggers me
because it’s way too close to the memory of that picture you sent me of the gun you had in your mouth,
could’ve pulled the trigger, almost wound up dead.
dead.
my friend saw me try to dart in front of traffic,
thinking i didn’t see the cars,
but i just didn’t care.
the headlights looked like the way out of the tunnel,
and i’d been stranded in there for so long,
that i couldn’t tell if i was laying down or standing up
or spinning in circles
or laying face down on the ground,
and i took my chances and ran,
hoping i’d catch up to you.
she screamed my name and pulled me back,
back to the present,
back to the sidewalk,
back to a world i no longer want to belong to
and hugged me tightly
and i pretended she was you.
i was left in the wake of you,
following the light,
and all i do now is sit down and ache.

everything you say
resonates with me like a
headache.

the pounding of your
words
against my porcelain skull
shoots fire and lightning
down my cracking spine.

my lungs are glass
and your name shattered them

and broke me.

each breath rattles.
each breath chokes.

what's the point of breathing
when there's no air?

Watching shows like Euphoria
Zendaya’s character speaks wisdom
Years beyond me
It feels good and hurts at the same time
Listening to her talk about
Everything I’ve been through or I’m facing
What’s going to inevitably coming my way
A lot hurts
But so much is numb at the same time
I wish the one person I feel is my family
Doesn’t want to hug me when I need it the most
They have their reasons
I just wish they felt my ache when I don’t feel their touch
Each day that passes without the simplest thing
Pushes me more
Towards letting go of the wheel at full speed
Kids these days like to say “just send it”
I think about that a lot
Maybe then it’ll all hurt less

You get up every day, you look in the mirror and see the same reflection as yesterday. Do you ever get tired of the never changing image that is your face? Does it ever make your heart ache?
Do you find yourself watching cheesy romance movies just to feel that jump in your heart that you thought you had forgotten, well sweety you're not alone. The day seems bright when you wake up and dark when you go to sleep. Thats how its supposed to feel. However, it is never supposed to make you want to scream at the top of your lungs. Its not supposed to make you doubt every choice you ever made. And the worst of all, its not supposed to make you want to tear your insides out just to feel something, cause you forgot what love feels like. You start to doubt if you're even human, you start to see things as they really are, as they shouldn't be, as you never wanted them to seem. The world isn't white or black, its a million different colors and somehow you find yourself in none of them, somehow your life seems bleak just because no one ever had the capacity of loving you, just because it feels like no one ever will. You start to believe the cruel things that the walls whisper to you, and you start to see them too. You want to make a difference in your life and you are positive that this new day, will keep its brightness through all hours. You tell yourself that, darling you are just as loveable as anyone else. You almost believe it. Then you see your reflection in the mirror at the school bathroom, at the club, at the mall, you still see the same dull eyes who once had stars in them, you see what you've become, you see the emptiness and the sorrow. The next thing you know, you're laying in bed, watching the notebook and answering the whispers with a simple: "You're right, who could ever love someone with no content whatsoever".

When you laugh
I feel like I've done what I was meant to do
When you speak
It's like listening to my favorite song on a loop
When you move
It's like watching a wave dance
When you look at me
My heart rises like a hot air balloon
When you say goodbye
My heart aches for more

It hurts
All of it
An ache
What an insatiable hunger
I'm hurting
Are you?