Nothing good comes out of 2 in the morning  
just go home and go to bed

Please, please, please,

be with someone who will buy you all of the hydrangeas off the shelves, who will wrap each bouquet with her naked hands.

Be with someone who will go to the moon for you, who will risk vertigo & seasick to bring you out to sea.

Be with someone who will buy you air tickets for every occasion, be in love in every city with you and romance you till 70.

Be with someone whose soul and heart will ache for you, Who will embrace you & accept you for all your flaws that they see stars within them.

Please, find someone who will name your Daughter after you ;because you are the most beautiful.

Please, be with someone that will carry you when you are weary, when you are sick, even when all she had, was spine full of injuries.

Please be with someone who understands, who has a soft heart. Who understands ego is lesser than, us, than, pride.

Lastly, be with someone who has the ability, stability to give you all the above.  

That I never did and never will.

2 am
A lot on my mind
Not a bit surprised.
Body aches
Eyes heavy
Can I rest already?
Thoughts roaming
Memories flowing
Mind wide awake
How do I sleep tonight?
Brain hurting
Sleep deprived
Yawning more & more
Slow breathes in
Exhale out
Thump, Thump, Thump
My heart makes
Only sound I hear
Laying perfectly still.
Shadows forming
Darkness becoming darker
Am I awake
Or staring into space .
Unsure of what I know
Dreaming of what will be
Why is it hard to let it all go ?
Body at ease
Perfectly still
Eyes closing each min passed by
Mind wide awake
But empty inside
Looking for my far away land
Journey extended
Next thing I know
Daylight is what's to be shown
Alarm buzzing in my ear
Thinking do I have to awake
Wait....
Did I even really sleep ?
Was it all my sleep deprived mind
Playing tricks on me again?
I don't know
But truth be told
Overthinking
Can destroy ones soul
I just want to sleep
When will my mind be at ease

Stuck in a place, where I really have no say.
Trapped between close space, no way to escape.
So far away, and no one to save
Its so dark, I cant get away..

Even if I could, how would I explain
Tell a story like it never happened
Talking in third person because im so far away.

Faded all day to forget my pain
Double cup my cup to make it all go away
Light one up to fly away and remain sain
The higher i get, the more I forget
Left with out no recollection of any of this
Wake up to a scream, it was all a vivid dream.

A dream to remember like they say "dreams do come true" how can I escape something so true...

Let me be the cursive lines that flow from the black ink to your torn up notebook.

Let me be the harmony in your ears
Let me be what you write about at 2 am

Let the thoughts of us transfer to your pen
Flow from your mind and onto the white blank page.

I thought you'd be different, I told myself as I lie awake at 2am
So many different qualities I found in you than I hadn't found in anyone else
I was hesitant to talk to you, since you didn't really fit my type
But I was so glad I did, because you turned out to be amazing
Or so I thought
We spoke everyday for hours and hours
Never wanting to go to sleep so the conversations would never end
I was lucky enough to have been able to hang out with you twice only to be left with a hug and a delay in our messages for a day or two
We kept talking as the months went on and eventually I went back to school
The texting faded, just like it had with everyone else
I felt like history was repeating itself
When we did talk sparks flew like they always had and it was back to not wanting to say goodbye
And even getting to FaceTime with you made my day, er, my week
But now I'm done
I'm done being the first to say hi
I'm done being the only one to put in the effort
Don't complain to me that you were so lonely on Valentine's Day because we could've done something even though I couldn't have been there
I honestly thought you'd be the one person I wouldn't be writing about
Yet I always wake up at 2 in the morning thinking about you and what we could've been

Honestly, I think we all just have these glorified images of how the world should look to us, but none of our images match up & that ***** us all up. We beat each other up for not having the same images, instead of learning how their image works. And when we find someone with an image like ours, we cling to them until our images merge & then we drift. We take the good out of people, like stealing their good images of the world, claim it as our own & then leave the people behind. Are we afraid of monsters, or are we afraid of ourselves? We are the real monsters & the world is our victim.

scribbling on a piece of parchment
tying it with a red satin ribbon
i hope the waves’ movements
bring you towards a safer shore

where foreign and familiar collide
like waves bashing against rocks
warm sand with your feet inside
salt spray onto those beautiful locks

the world at your feet
you unfurl the message in the bottle to read:

Dear someone out there,

I hope you find the person who tucks you in at night
one who never leaves you out of his loving sight
the one with the gentle vocality
even when he is frail and elderly

one who will be the one to wash away 
all the lingering pain of yesterday
the one with the anchoring presence
that over the years never lessens

one who lends you a listening ear
about everything you hold dear
the one that loves you for all the days you are alive
and kisses your every wrinkle, bulge and crease

one who brings you hours and hours of joy
as if you were a little girl and he a little boy
the one with the immortally kind spirit
providing you with an immense heat 

one who knows the names your toes go by
joe, bonnie, ian, andrea, kai
the one that will make silly stories about kyle the toe who went to town
just to turn that frown upside down

i hope from the bottom of my jet black and neon soul
that you will, one day with the love of your life grow old
until there is nothing but the ashes of the hot, burning coal.