there is much to be said
about mass manifestations
in a time of mortal panic

the small yet steady streams
of serfs in socially-distant safs
earnestly serving the Sublime with
practised platters of prayers in parted palms
and pleas pattering through covered lips
to pave the best path for the departed;
to pad the blow for the broken-hearted.

in tongues
sometimes familiar
mostimes foreign,
i can't help but marvel
at our divinely unity
in seeking Infinity.

- 20200704

one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart
is a chore i wish i took more seriously.

every time i try to clear out the cobwebs inside my chest, i bump my head and shoulders into things hooked on its walls; knock my knees and toes into things stuffed in its nooks and crannies.
i would lay low and slowly
unpack the baggage i accumulated and start learning to compartmentalise,
unhang the skeletons of souls that have been chasing me in my dreams,
undogear the chapters that are done and dusted where you, like all the others, remain a metaphor, a foreshadowing, a symbol, a period that i thought would fit my lifelong sentence,
but that's a story for another day.

my obsession with hoarding memories like my life depended on it
has long been a problem
just like my system being an "organised mess"
— you and i both know, i am the mess.
until i can fold away my feelings from my past
and tuck away my thoughts about my future
to make sense of my present,
i will have to keep collecting these scattered words and phrases
waiting to be bound and sealed in a box somewhere.

one of these days, i'm going to write about how taking care of my heart
is a chore i took seriously
so that when it stops beating
it is full
and light
at the same time.

- 20200218

I will cut you out of the picture of my life.
I will take a scissors, to these complex memories and
hack your influence out.
It took me months to buy the scissors,
years to get to the shop
but I got here, I have them.
I will hear sharp snips as I cut across
the images that are burned in my mind.
No longer will my thoughts wander towards you.
No more, will I allow my feelings to be  
clouded by a person who dug their words  
into my lungs and shattered
my ribs, with boots made of malicious intent,
of careless incompetence, of clueless mockery.
I will use the scissors to cut your burning strings,
wrapped around these cheap candles.
A chord cutting spell. Dust beneath my heel.
The memories I cannot cut I will burn.
I'll light a match on the bridge you
ignited.
You always said people never change, so killing current you’s influence
In revenge for past you’s violence is righteous, it is fair.
I'll sharpen their blade on the soul you hardened.
I'll rip up the pictures if I have to, claw you out.
I'd sacrifice that part of my memories,
I'd happily **** the old me entirely to take you too,
To cut you out of the picture of my life.

I’m functioning of 2 hours of sleep because I was up until 3 doing the assignments that were ‘easy’ -every teacher said

I have no idea what I’m going to do after school but hey, don’t worry about me
I know how to solve ‘X’

‘You can have fun in the weekend’-they said
But don’t forget
Make the assignments and study all the things you get through the internet

Don’t worry the exams aren’t going to be ‘that hard’
Just make sure to study 10 weeks beforehand

Memorize at first sight and don’t forget
You can also just study a dozen hours
Because who cares about mental health?

A man said
Wait you’re 18, that’s cool
What did you do to celebrate?
Oh, there’s a pandemic going on and you can’t see anybody’s full face?
I mean be happy you aren’t growing up the at the time I was your age.

A woman said
School is going to close for 2 weeks
It’s only temporary don’t get attached
4 months later I graduated through the internet
But hey I’m one of the lucky ones
An extra year of high school now really doesn’t sound that bad.

Oh the drums are beating
Beating, beating
Boom, boom, boom

I feel it in my bones
My skin
My teeth
We all feel it
We shiver, shiver

Oh how long the winter lasts
Oh how bitter the wind howls
Oh how loud the drums are
With their rumbling
And tumbling
And never ending marching

Oh we fall
Falling, falling
Burning like ashes from the bonfire

But the rain pours
The heaven roars
And, well, we must move on

Oh how the sand bites into our skin
Oh how the ice sting at our eyes
Oh how the branches grasp at our feet
With their creaking
And grinning
And never ending cunning

Oh the world spins
And we hang on its edge
And some fall off
Flung, flung

Oh brother, sister
Comrade, friend
Forgive me, for I live
And I move on, move on

Hold my hand
Hold my heart
Where the downhill ends, the uphill starts
Round, and round, and round

Oh how the dark looms closer
Oh how the dread sinks deep
Oh how the end draws near
With their certainty
And clarity
And never ending prophecy

For the end must come
In hope or in fear
Destiny is set
Fate is decided
The finale written
On faded pages

But
We choose our path
How we live to the last
So give
Give, give, give
Fight
Fight for the better
Fight for your fallen
Fight for your friend
Fight for the many who give
Give for the many who fight

Oh the drums are beating
Beating, beating
Boom, boom, boom
I hear a revolution
I taste a newer age

Feel the vibrations
In the air
Can you hear that?
It’s your people calling
Your people singing
Marching, marching
It’s a new age, my friend

Drumming, drumming, drumming

sometimes, i feel so infinite
until i remember all the times
i felt a nagging sense of shame
and the times

that i thought were so carefree
manifested into burdens
of resentment
of misery.

let me find my fate,
let me love somehow
lift me up, carry me
in your loving hands
when i'm falling down

i see a glimmer
a hope of reconciliation
help me pave my way
to this final destination

but i've rendered it all invisible
patience, invisible
trust, invisible
everything, invisible.

There was a girl
who was carrying flowers on one hot August afternoon,
And whose face you see on the screen today.