We're a world and generation set on depersonalization
Where everything is on social media but everyone is scared to socialize.
We all promise we "just need to vent" but is it venting or is it depression?
"He loves me, he's just tired. Its not abuse, she's just tired. I'm not okay, I'm really tired."
We all need to stop and chill without the help of benadryl.
But we need the drugs to feel normal.
A normal that they tell us to be
on the covers of our magazine
When we are all medicated to achieve the status quo
We can't learn from our mistakes if we can't remember them.
Instead of dealing with the guilt,
we soak in a bath as if the lavender suds will rinse away our ****** personality
We do it nightly and call it self care.
And the self care we really need is lunch that isn't Oreos and to join therapy.
We fill the empty hole inside of us with cigarettes and ***** and food
And we don't even know we're empty because our parents are empty too
And the only ones who can recognize the absense
Are the same ones telling us to work harder to buy our first house and car before the age of 25
When really, we haven't even settled on what we want to be when we grow up
Our grandparents and parents beg us to have babies because "I'm not getting any younger."
But I'm quickly getting older Dad, so shut up and let me drink until I pass out without worrying about how much my child will have to heal from, just like I'm healing now with Bacardi 151.
Its a cycle and there's no handle bars
Celebrities writing songs and movies, a fill-in-the-blank series that mimics a horoscope
To drag in the masses with feelings of unity when really we have no idea what our brother went through when we were laying on our uncle's bed at midnight at 5 years old.
They want us to be the same except for when its not convenient, and suddenly the children of rich people are to be scorned but they hate the black people who hate the black rich people
And its another cycle, the chain popped off and the brakes are our feet
Just like when we were kids except now we have no shoes on and we are rolling down a hill that stops at a lake
And our empty parents forgot to teach us how to swim.
Its 2019 now, when will  America be great in the first place?

IV. FAITH

Trust, trust, trust. Trust in His word
Fear and Doubt are being absurd.

Only in God should your hope be found
Let Christ be your solid ground.

There’s no need to be in such a hurry
Trust fully in God, and do not worry

He will bring to pass what is to be.
All in His good time, you will see.

Offer Him your fear and doubt in prayer
And don’t you forget He is always there.

I am Faith, feel me in your soul
Trust in God, He will make you whole.

2/3/19

III. DOUBT
Wait, wait, wait. Why such a rush?
How do you know this is more than a crush?
What if you see what you wish to be
Rather than what really is?
That smile, a blush— you wish to see
So you do, even though it’s not there.

Maybe it’s just your imagination
A lonely heart’s sad creation
Are you sure she feels the same as you?
Or are you quickly jumping
To a conclusion that simply isn’t true.
Shouldn’t we wait until we’re certain?

Listen close, just hear me out.
We don't even know her, for I am Doubt.

2/3/19

II. FEAR
Lies! Lies! Lies! All of it, lies!
Everything you feel burning up inside.

She can never love you. She will never want you.
She doesn’t even like you. She will forever haunt you.

She thinks you’re gross— A stalker, a creep.
She’s afraid of you— You’re a monster, a freak.

You are different, strange, a little mentally deranged.
You are broken, used, something she would never choose.

Don’t listen to Hope, ignore your heart and soul
She is not a savior, she will not make you whole.

Sure, she’ll put together the shattered pieces of your heart
Only to sit back, laugh, and watch you fall apart.

You are wrong now just like you were wrong then.
Let Doubt be a warning, don’t make this mistake again.

The darkness is consuming. We will keep assuming,
You will never draw her near. Embrace me, I am Fear.

1/31/19

I. HOPE
Love, love, love. Love at first sight
Look at her smile, how it shines so bright.

Listen to her laugh, music to our ears.
She is the strength you need to face your fears.

All these years you thought you’d be alone
She is the proof that you can finally be known.

Proof, proof, proof. Living proof at last
You can overcome the living shadows of the past.

Do you feel the spark— the fire— deep with in your heart?
She’ll put back the pieces from when you fell apart.

Can’t you feel the connection within your very soul?
She can save you from falling back into that hole.

Get up, go over, talk to her, show her you care
She can’t get to know you if she doesn’t know you’re there.

Hear me, I am Hope, I simply speak with grace
If we take a chance we can find our happy place.

2/2/19

All it took was one push to cause me to fall...


But all it took was for me to fall for me to know that I could fly.