Insecurities have a way of
Eating you up
From the inside out.

you bound me in despair
to your will and body bare

I decided that's all that
happiness was

the choir is singing hallelujah, now.
my best isn't much but there's sweat on my brow. everything went wrong, everything goes wrong.

I'm in an irrational routine with these things. I write and sing and drive and act out of turn.
but there's something right about now

I like the sleepless nights
I feel free and alive
It's sweeter than bright
brighter than sweet

I feel I have a purpose
I feel in control of those
Opposing forces
the one guiding the wheel
the one gripping the pen,
covered in ink and dirt

I embrace it with whatever
parts of me I can muster

I become a different person

but this nirvana will end soon
there are other people I am
required to be at times, and
that time is now upon me

it all could be so easy and
I think it's becoming easier

That's the thing about Silence,
It's not quietly peaceful.
It's cold,
And it's haunting,
And truly deceitful.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it's painful,
And overbearing.
It gives you room to think,
About the things that aren't so joyful.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it isn't really silent.
Your thoughts scream out loudly,
Demanding that you hear them,
Uncontrollably Defiant.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it's quietly violent.
Hurting you,
Breaking you,
Always destroying your will to be vibrant.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it isn't great at all.
It causes more destruction.
It sneaks inside and plants the hate and doubt,
It breaks through your shielding walls.

That's the thing about Silence.
It slowly kills me.
With the self-deprecation,
And the memories.
*That's the thing about Silence, you see.

If you could promise me one thing,
it would be that you'd never change.
No matter how many ways I rearrange
these meager words,
they will always find a way to spell out
"I love you"
And that's beautiful.
But we do not worship beauty anymore,
we bend our knee to concepts such as
violence and objectification
in a culture that paradoxically forbids it,
for every vulture picking the bones of something
that once was amazing,
there is a man getting fat off lies
and grazing.
This is for every child who will die this year,
who will take it upon themselves to make a message
that people will choose not to hear.

This entire atmosphere is clouded from the fumes
coming out of the hallways and classrooms,
where each flower blooms
only to close it's petals up again in shame.
Where each name called is meant to stand for
horrors and destitution
and our prostitution for convenience
will always shift the blame.
This is for every bully that got pushed back,
for every attack returned
and good night's sleep earned.

This is for you,
or anyone like you,
who has ever had to feel the shock value
summing up to totals we could never coalesce
and I will not digress from this topic.
It has burned holes in our armor,
into our good judgements and mind
where our credit cards will be declined
because we didn't take charge.
Problems like these will only enlarge,
we will never be happy,
until we deal with this.