With these drugs on my brain, I have some words I cannot explain.
My heart pounding never could match the beat of this Steppenwolf song.
My head was skipping like this scratched up record. I was in the clouds, with a head that felt like it was seventy steps behind my dancing body. Time has turned to liquid, and my brain wrinkles. I lean back allowing it to melt. Everything is melting, my hands, my hair, the walls, my eyebrows feel like forests. I look at the energy wave behind my closed stained eyelids. I'm beginning to drip into this puddle of blankets.

She wore a smile yesterday, where is it today? She woke up different today sad, walking slow, ignoring everyone around her, she fakes every smile. She wanted silence and she wanted to be alone. She didn't want to fight the battle between happy and sad anymore, she wanted to be like everyone else, normal. What is considered a normal feeling? She was losing her head. She thought to herself 'if this is my normal I don't want to be anymore.' The thoughts came in her head that day. Its not common that they do but when they do she's not her anymore. Maybe she will be okay when she wakes up again. A better, happy, bubbly person. A better version of herself she was not today. I hope she comes back tomorrow.

This morning I woke up to the cool air and the smell of rain that came from my half opened window. The sky way a shade of dark grey, and the mood was gloomy. I leaned forward the window to listen and watch the rain. The small but heavy drops made puddles on my window sill. The sent of coffee brewing peeked through the cracks under my door. And I finally got myself to climb out of my cozy and warm bed.

She had a story unlike any of the stories held in her hands. Her story was quite too messy to put into words. She's forgotten by the world, and surrounded by the disturbance of people.
        Some of the foam from her well filled coffee stains her upper lip. And she flips the page, to continue reading the story of another.
        She'll never get the confidence to talk to the gentlemen across the room. The one looking at her right now, smiling at her foamy lip, she wipes it off and blushes.
        Her head turns back to the pages, she hopes to find friends in the book she grasps in her hand. So she doesn't find the need to talk to the gentlemen across the room

Mom, he won't listen to us
Mom, he won't put down the bottle
Mom, he is screaming at us again
Mom, he put his hands on us again
Mom, he made my brother run away
Mom, he is ruining my family
Mom, he made my brothers scary
Mom, he doesn't care if she's abusing us
Mom, he won't buy me new shoes these ones don't fit anymore
Mom, he is wasting all his money on alcohol
Mom, he won't go to meetings
Mom, he is shaking what is wrong with him
Mom, he is hiding the bottles from us
Mom, he is not willing to quit
Mom, he has lied to us so many times
Mom, he is trying to get us to call her mom
Mom, he is breaking things
Mom, he is getting worse with his dad gone
Mom, he is getting worse

The eyes of a soul I've missed for what seems like a life time, looks my way. And your lips curl up to form a smile, I so desperately needed to see.  
I almost forgot what your voice sounded like. but when your foggy breath spoke words to me, a feeling of relief drenched my body. A feeling felt much stronger than the bleak air.

Is tomorrow enough?
It has to be,
Today is almost gone you see,
Yet here I linger,
Alone at last,
My memories repeat the past,
The moon does rise,
Still I am inspire,
Embracing my muse,
Thou I am tired,
In the dark
I smoke,
I wait for the day
I will meet tomorrow….
Unafraid
©B L Costello 2016