today,
i heard that you had
a bike accident.
you hit your bike
into a **** tree.
what were you focused
on, that you didn't
notice a **** tree?
maybe it was her.

she always catches your attention,

yesterday,
i saw you,
driving your bike
through the crowded
park,
with a smile on your
enchanting face.

perhaps you were thinking about her,
and that's what made you smile.

i siт неre,
оn тнis old
вus seaт,
neхт то тне
dirту window,
drunк and нigн,
analyzing and тнinкing
aвouт нow мiseraвle
and fucкed up му
life is,

and тнis вus is eмpту
and sтill driving,
and soмевоdy нasn‘т такеn
тнis seaт nexт то ме,
and мayве,
iт will sтау тнат way

you,
unlike mom,
were always calm
and collected.
but you were so
oblivious,
you had no idea what she did
to me,
that monster you loved so much
was so unfair to me,
but you were too clueless to notice.
i can not blame you, dad,
she always put that mask around
you, so you couldn't figure it out,
even if you wanted to.

i cried for a month straight
when you passed away,
and mom was so calm
about it, i don't think
she ever loved you.

but i still love you, dad,
i love you in ways she never could,
i still love you, even though
your feet no longer walk
on this earth.

*and i am sorry, that i turned into
her,
so, so sorry,
i never wanted to
disappoint you,

you would think mothers
supposed to be good and caring
parents,
and i would like to think
that you were an evil monster
that always put me down
and never believe i could
do anything,
well, congratulations,
mom,
you were right and you
won that battle against me,
the one that you fought
for so many years.

thank you, mom,
your assumptions,
-like always- were correct,
and you made me the
monster that i am today.

*i wouldn't want to
be anything else,