if the broken you -
can see the beauty
of this                    horrid, horrid world,
then how bad
can the world be?

good night, anxiety;
why are you not asleep?
is my mind keeping
you awake?

I am exhausted from your
endless questions about
existential topics,
non-existential topics,
                         worry, fear, pressure

I don't want to talk about
                         my future and dreams,
the things I could had
talked about when
nighttime hasn't arrived

good night, anxiety;
I didn't leave the light on,
just in case you leave
in the loud darkness
but you didn't;
and it's morning again

i used to dream in black and white,
grays blending together the scenes that
spin spin spin
until i can't differentiate black from white.
i dreamt about shriveling flowers and endless hallways
and never being able to scream;
and then i met you.
suddenly i was dreaming in color,
a luxury i thought would never come to fruition,
flowers popping and life breathed back into trees.
i never knew how beautiful it was to have someone hold you at 3am,
to kiss your bruises and tell you your scars are angelic
even though the way you acquired them isn't.
i never knew how beautiful it was
to dream in color.

loving you,
is like walking
on a landmine;
suited with a
vest decorated in
dangerous explosives

one wrong step-
                          and it goes 'kaboom',
just like ticks
of warning from
my puny heart

                                    you hold a machine
                                   and prepared to shoot;
                                   as if I've not experienced
                                   the after effects of this war,

just so I could win,
the peace treaty
of your affection