Collating rain drops on the window
can I just say its beautiful,
creating a pattern, feeling of safety at home.
Amazement of  the drops being separate,
then how it forms into a pool together as one
How individual rain drops have colours,
trying to stand out before they fall.

We are like these rain drops,
we shine before we fall,
We pool together as a community,
We also fall serperate away from it all.

Just like these raindrops we are on the other side,
Looking out instead of in it,
looking through instead of seeing,
gliding on the windows with the feeling of no meaning.
But just like these raindrops we can pool together,
to seap through the window,
to create a puddle,
In a gloomy world.

Theres burning fire in me,
a heat that makes me want to scream and rage,
there is water too, to douse the unrelenting flame.
The water becomes a tsunami,
they battle and dance with each other, nobody else can see,
but here inside my body it's also invisible to me.
I feel every blow and every lick of flame,
and I also feel the water, molding into tear shaped rain.

The days I feel the sunshine are beautiful and warm,
anything to keep it there from an oncoming storm,
travel on adventures, mostly inside my mind,
because sometimes ill be to afraid to really step outside.
In case that sunshine suddenly reveals the clouds holding  rain,
or the fire who without warning can sometimes take blaze.
The elements confuse me, I wish I could understand,
instead of a tornado who gets emotionally out of hand.

Whirling emotion,
Control is hard to grasp now,
An ode to destruct.

Static* says the phone and you say nothing,
while you wait for them to say something,
but there is dead air between you.
The silence is deafening but not enough to muffle cries as you remember what you two were.
Deep inside you mourn the person you used to be,
now shadowed by whats overcome you.
And when they look at you it hurts,
because they see an apparition of where you came from,
burning inside yearning and pleading to get out through tear stained eyes.
"I love you..”
Static
“I remember you”

Every night I pass my mirror and I hear the beckoning call,
"Come to me my love I won't hurt you, not at all".
I turn to see the bright familiar face a ghostly apparition shimmering in the mirror,
she always lures me with intentions that make myself quiver,
and yet I yearn to go back always for more,
Mia the perfect girl; the final form.
My hand raises as I begin to touch the light she casts,
I see myself reflecting in the background,
I am faded while she dominates the glass.
Darkness entails me when I step through the mirror,
a sickening feeling of blindness and sheer terror.
All I hear is the echoing laughter of the sickening girl, hurling insults and making me want to dive deeper into her world,
"Disgusting
"Worthless
"Horrible"
And
"Fat"
These are only the mediocre things she says when I'm fighting this horrible trap.
But again I always come back always for more,
I conjure this, as I ***** on the toilet of her bathroom floor.
Mia is holding my hair, consoling while Im chocking and sprawled.
"Good girl" she says "You have nothing to fear not anymore"
She picks me up grasps me tells me I'm now beautiful,
" Thank you" I reply "then why do I feel so horrible?"
"For you are killing yourself you see; look back into the mirror and follow me"
I follow In desperation willing myself to live,
I want to be perfect but is dying something I truly can forgive?
I glance again, a reflection of myself and her by my side.
She whispers in my ear "you are not truly alive"
I look back towards myself she is now gone but I still stand there,
We are one
now a whole,
Her world is my own and now I'm left all alone.

Words to a page,

Numbers to paper,

completely different but still written.


I paint pictures in my mind imaginary tales and things so define,
while he slots the figures and logistics in between.

Can words go with numbers?

Will the real world meet imaginary?

I believe so.

Because I still need someone to count my words,

and he needs someone to pull him away from reality,

Once in awhile.

He, was always well composed,
what a father should be.
And she, plastered a smile day to day thinking next of what could be,
but it was always just a thought never acted.
The world sees what you want it to see,
how foolish of them,
how foolish of me.
But as a child you also see what you want to see, when the people you love the most hide behind a veil of protection,
Until that veil shatters.
And you are ****** into a world of unknown called adulthood,
you see the bruises, the letters, the threats of violence,
you remember his face,
but now behind his eyes it wasn't love that you saw,
it was possession.
The smile that you loved on your mother was to keep the tears at bay,
and the nightmares you had of her crying and begging were alive because they were right outside your door.

Now left to pick up the pieces,
there is a girl left abandoned,
a farther who hurt because he never loved,
a mother who still says “what if”,
and a facade unravelled.