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 Mar 2018 selflessflaws
Sie
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 Mar 2018 selflessflaws
Sie
My body had been a torn up battle ground red streaks everywhere.
I never thought i would be better. except i did get better at least for awhile.
Deep down i thought i would never rip my body up again  despite that i knew it would happen.Then after a month or so of okay.
It happened  i drew with my silver blade. it left small red lines all over my thigh. easy to hide but it leaves a painful smile.
Torn up again and again will it ever end.
Last night, I got kisses.
They weren't sweet kisses,
They weren't soft kisses.

They were sharp kisses,
They were swift kisses.
They were the kind of kisses that leave marks.

They were the kind of kisses that sting.
They were peppering kisses,
They were lightning kisses.

They were biting kisses,
They were a blade's kisses.
They were the kinds of kisses I regret.

They were the kinds of kisses that sting for days.
They were silver kisses,
They turned into red kisses.

They weren't my first kisses,
They weren't my last kisses.
Last night, I got kisses.
to tell the truth, i'm actually really fricking proud of this.
I am tiny,
miniscule amidst
these waves,
gray, grave, and claiming
every ounce
of
will and work
from my poor soul.
I have so much to give,
but how little it is
when compared with
the demand.
 Mar 2018 selflessflaws
Jack
I forgot to feel nothing,
Cigarette pressed to my lips,
My only comfort from myself,
Your name imprinted in my head,
Unable to forget
the touch from your soft hands against my aching body,
I do my best but it is not enough,
Trapped inside a tired existence,
My body screams your name,
A tortuous cry from within,
I forgot to feel nothing again.
Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down
if ever you wonder
if ever your heart should grow curious
for lust and love and spirit
electricity that splits the spine
a jolt of lightening
rushing through wide open veins
baby hairs standing on end
on the nape of your neck
a wave of cold sweat
dripping through your hair
moistens your back
if ever a moment passes
if ever you refrain from yelling loud
sing a melody
scream “i love you”
skip through a crowd of people
and smile
laugh
dance
and forget your worry
the temporary madness of yesterday
because you are static, ecstatic
you are wonderful
written by me
They say that over time, it dissipates -
it will drain from you, evaporate like smoke.
It will descend upon you, destroy you;
but will soon release you, and fade.

But with time it instead grows stronger,
demanding to be felt.
It knocks on the doors of my soul,
its urgency to be let inside unrelenting and ruthless.

Like an unpredictable storm, it lands and ravages,
leaving just fragments of a heart already rebuilt.
What is gone is the will;
the resiliency dulled, the courage spent.

It's a deep-rooted ****, an unrivaled opponent;
It's a malevolent fire that refuses to be smothered.
The Hurt:
a wound that permeates, and remains.
 Mar 2018 selflessflaws
Lunar
you said that
you love it when it rains.
little did you know that
it rains
whenever i shed a tear.
maybe that's why
you seem happy
even if i'm hurt;
you enjoy
whenever i cry.
and i'll always end up
exchanging your sorrow
for my euphoria,
in hopes of you
loving the rain—
me, my tears, and my pain.
(j.m.)
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