I feel asleep
I dreamed beutiful dreams

Dreams never dreamed before
Dreams hiden in the background
Dreams that opened my eyes
Dreams that helped me survive

I saw the ocean blue
I saw the blue sky
I saw the charming sun
I saw the colorful garden

I felt joy for freedom
I felt joy for happiness
I felt joy for opportunities
I felt joy to be alive

I fell asleep

With the fright of waking up
With the joy of felling life
With the fright of loosing everything
With the joy to know it hapened

Even if it was only because i was asleep.

I find myself wearing
a fake heart on my sleeve

So people wont ask
for my real hearts key

The tunnel is for those of us who can not see the sun
It's not that we are blind, or that the sun isnt shining
it's that we chose to see the truth

A tunnel of hiden pain
secrets, stories that make us,
A tunnel so deep and dark only few survive the fall
The spiraling fall to the depths of our broken minds
our minds so torn, the things we think could ****
In reality we come across as your average teen,
but mentally and emotionally we are so much more
our thoughts and our minds torment us
if the things in our head came to life no one would survive.

And so the tunnel was made,
a tunnel for only the special ones to enter,
a tunnel where there is no light,
a tunnel of our true self.

Shattered dreams
and frantic streams
Of all my fear letting out screams.
I can no longer control it,  so it seems.

Constant fears,
Falling tears.
And so the darkness cheers.
I'm done with fighting after all these years.

Painful leech,
Satanic speech.
The voices screech
As the preacher began to preach.

All that's good,
And all that should.
Hiden behind a cross of wood.
To reach it, I never could.

They're pulling me back,
And that's a fact.
Hiding behind this hapiness act.
Pinning me down like paper behind a tac.

I'll never be free,
As you can see.
Drowning, I'll always be.
I'll never know why they ever chose me.

So, say "goodbye,"
And don't you cry,
For when I die,
I can finally fly.

Just keep that smile on your face,
Don't ever let it erase,
Just incase.
For when I'm gone, they'll need someone new to chase.

A dreamer,
Chasing white rabbits,
Danced with her flourescence,
Carrying smiles meant for tomorrow,
When joy had fallen far from sight.
She danced to the music of hummingbirds,
For when the rythm changes and tempo slowed,
She danced to the voice of stormy nights,
As if the stars had sent their spark
In front of half- hiden laughing moon.
Autumn dripping leaves of weary gold,
The tune of hush and shush and wush,
She danced with her one feet in the air,
And with her black shiny curls,
It seemed as if she was ready to rise.  
I still remember the way she used to dance.

Darkness is full of surprises
Many are hiden by her
As she takes who she wants
She leaves them with froad
But she cant fool me
Im the only who can take her strength
As she tries and tries
I never fright because
She will never succed
I am light

She's turning 84 soon.
I don't remember exactly the last time I saw her but I think it was at the funeral.
Death weighs heavy on hearts that love,
And she had become weak.
You could see it.
See it in her eyes when she cried.
You could see it in her hands.
Oh her hands.
As weird as it may be, her hands were the first thing that I remember about her.
She wore bands around every finger, like the rings of a tree truck when love has aged into something less adoring.
Yes she was a widow but she was the Queen.
Being too young for school, my sister and I went to her house every week.
And like clockwork she repeated every move she had done the day before and the one before that.
I remember how much she loved to knit and crochet.
I told her that I wanted to learn and she told me "good for you. You'll see it is very relaxing. Doing the same things, you don't really think about what you're doing anymore"
I crochet whenever I have the time and I now know what she meant.
Most times then not, I seem to day dream; thinking, about anything.
I remember her collection of books and newspapers, the bibles that she kept by her chair.
Of course they weren't of my interest but because they were to her, she would always be reading this one book.
Even when she fell asleep, she could not put the book down.
She had told me that she read it 4 times and she planed to do it again.
It was called "Julie of the Wolves"
I bought this book a few years ago and I still can't find it interesting.
It sits on my shelf, untouched, but unforgotten.
She is a babysitter, and a mother as well as a grandmother.
Family and friends were always over at her house, company was always welcome.
She had many kids, and her kids had many grandkids.
Her friends that came over so often had kids that had kids and it took me a while to realize it but,
She was old.
She is old.
She is a family tree that has grown bigger than most because of the love she spreads.
She tought me things without even realizing it.
I learned how too make the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
There wasn't too much of either and she always cut the sand which in half to help my sister and I know the good of sharing.
Almost like herself,
She wasn't too strick or too nurturing, she treated everyone equally and did nothing but that.
Its been 8 years.
Her daughter passed away, I'm still not exactly sure how or why.
It was the only funural I was ever invited to, and I cried.
I cried when I saw how hurt she was, how hurt everyone was.
I didn't understand death until that day.
I looked at Tanya's body and I realized why she was hiden under a sheet.
Its been 8 yeas since I have seen her.
I follow her on Facebook, the only way I can keep an update on her.
Death weighs heavy on hearts that love, and she has become weak.
She is fragile and old, I know this.
Its because I was just invited to her 84th surprise birthday party that I was bombarded with memories of her.
This woman has changed my life, not just by being her, for giving birth to amazing people, for introducing me the people that I know as friends today.
Her name is Charlotte, she likes to repeat things over and over again.
Sooner or later you don't even start to think about it anymore.
You just day dream, and think,
about anything.

Walls crash,
an insecure reflection.
Un-hiden shame-
Trip first into the ground

A dismantled core.
Standing for what we think we know

Is it a game?
All you've understood is betrayal
Slowly stop noticing the way pain,
poisons the insides.

A step forward

detaches the past

The sun will shine.
I just hope light will be mine.

You told me
You don't want to be stolen.
Sleep is stealing you from me.

You told me
You don't want to be stolen.
Town is stealing you from me.

You told me
You don't want to be stolen.
World is stealing you from me.

I will fight for every inch of your body.
I will fight for every drop of your tears.
I will fight for every smile of your soul.

I am warrior and can do that alone.
But not lonely.
In the dark.
In me.
For you .
In the world.
But not alone.
YOU ...
mine treasure hiden and lonely...