I can't imagine anything else
It feels pointless to try
I was given this
Whatever it is
Everything it is
Painful, scary, heartbreaking
Sometimes beautiful
Beautiful enough to keep me here

Continue,
Continue

There might be more
Something good
Holding out for magic
Things I felt when I was young
Before reality was cement
It feels like lifetimes ago
Ancient pain
Ancient fear and guilt and shame
I can't distinguish now from then
I am wrapped up in it
Trapped by it and caged by it
Changed by it
Chained to it
Is living truly to suffer
I see that now

Continue,
Continue

Here I am again.
Waking, moving, thinking, and speaking,
Loving, seeking, hoping, and dreaming.

How did I get here?
I thought one escapes in evening
Yet, tonight I am still here,
But as always I am sleeping.

Turn off the light
Pause the music of time,
And worlds unfold beneath my eyes.

I feel them as if they were pressing upon my skin.
I taste them as if they coated my tongue.
I see them as if they are inches ahead of me.
I know them as real and not,
But real, and not?

Then morning.

Here I am again.
Waking, moving, thinking, and speaking,
Loving, seeking, hoping and breathing.

I was there.
But where?
Not really here, nor there.
But somewhere.

Where I am now?
Here.
Again.
And again.

Time blesses and curses
Creates and destroys
Carries, slows down
Scares
Tortures and rushes and drags
Scars

Always looking forward,
The future and it’s alluring suggestions.
Walk the linear belt of time
Towards that light at the end of this tunnel,
A place to rest.

It's moving farther away
Dimmer now
I can't remember why I move
Turn backwards, lost
Time snickers
Apathetic

Given up.

In boredom I look down.
For the first time I simply observe where I am,
the ground is shining.
Light rays pierce the soil,
casting arrangements on the tunnel's ceiling like stars.
There must be something below.
Dig until my fingers are raw
Nothing,
soil rises up, takes the place of progress.
Resigning.

A light show above me.
The mesmerizing patterns create movies in my mind.
World beneath me begins to move,
The soil is swallowing me.
I don't resist and I don't want to, I feel...good.  

When I come to my eyes adjust to the most luminous imagery I have ever seen.
Glimmering suns, flowers of colors unimaginable, grasses of greens and dew reflecting rainbows. Birds of paradise cascade overhead, my ears can taste their music like honey.
Time can’t find me here because it doesn’t exist.
This is the present. This is the moment. I laugh, and I laugh and I laugh. I’m happy and I was always here. I was always here.

The sun paints me reverential.
My eyes virgins to it's remarkable light, I've been sightless for ages.
The rays travel from my tears to my soul,
I illuminate from the inside out.
My smile pours out, it's disingenuous counterpart cast aside
waiting.

Where have I been?
Patterns decorate my arms, red welts of chains that once were.
Why has the sadness gone?
It's scary to recognize impermanence.
Everything comes in cycles - this included.

All I can do is keep my eyes open for as long as I can this time around.

By loving you I learned to hate myself
In finding you I learned to lose myself
Eyes roll back into my head,
Decorated by ugly shades of red
Don't really know if I meant what I said,
If I'd rather be dead

Couldn't stop the shakes
Turned my tears into lakes
Trying to teach myself not to need you here
This is someone trying to disappear

Craving your careful stroke of my hair
That simple bliss so temporary

But in leaving you I've learned to need myself
And in forgetting you I've learned to be myself
They said life teaches you how to live it,
you just have to live long enough to get it

On a small blue planet appeared a person,
It rocked back and forth screaming and crying.
It wanted a home and a safe place to go,
Where the unknown was not underlying.  

The person moved about this blue planet,
with wood it built a roof and four walls.
It called it a home, but didn't feel safe, as it
could still hear the whisper of danger's calls.  

With nothing to do but to continue with living,
It walked back and forth, laughing and crying.
Constantly searching for that feeling of warmth,
It's escape from the intense fear of dying.

Linear time dragged by on this planet,
This person was close to it's end.
It desperately fought to hold on to that place,
where it's thoughts would be constantly sent.

On a small planet then laid a person,
It closed it's eyes and looked into itself.
Discovered a universe where all was one,
and within the home of self, all was well.

I'm bored of blue skies.

I'm bored of art, music, poetry, fantasy, movies and writing.
I'm bored of breathing, walking, talking, dancing, laughing and crying.
Bored of train rides home alone, bored of trying to understand.
Bored of remembering my dreams, bored of begging for dreams I can't have.
I'm bored of feeling.
I'm bored of drugs, alcohol, relationships, bars, clubs and pointlessness.
I'm bored of hugs, whispers, kisses, smiles and carelessness.
What to do when there's nothing to do,
What to do when you can't spend time with you.