though, so incredibly hard to say,
i think i killed myself today.
no, it wasn't the gun i thought it would be,
and it wasn't the pills i bought to be free.
it wasn't the candles or the gasoline,
it wasn't the running into a limousine.
i think it was me in my bed so late,
unwilling to behold my fate.
my eyes slipped shut and they haven't opened yet.
but that would be lucky, and i'm alive, i bet.
just wait until tomorrow, maybe we'll see
what i can really do to me.
i think i give up.
❝ i feel
in this pale moonlight
i beg of you,
make me feel right,❞
the empty girl cries once again.
she was everything
when you didn't
i trust her
with things i'd never tell you,
she holds me
so tightly, unlike you,
she understands when i can't speak,
and she doesn't push me.
she is amazing,
but that's why i'm so scared.
because those were the same things
i once said about you.
it's going to happen all over again, isn't it?
isolate the first line from the second and you'll understand.
my only love was created by hating yours.
i hated your happiness, and that brought me to a place of destruction,
where i spent late nights drowning in the thoughts of you.
in those hours, a lover took my hand and brought me away from myself,
to a place where happiness existed without empty bottles.
and then you found my happy with jealous green eyes,
and then you took it all from me in a matter of seconds,
pretending your love was more than mine could ever be.
and it was easy for you,
because i was a cynic.
and no one could change that.
the story of losing love to an enemy.
temporary happiness is ruling my life,
with each empty bottle scattered through my room.
leaving me in ignorant bliss
to what i had been feeling before i swallowed.
it's all a haze,
before and after the liquid.
before and after the pills.
in the midst of the smoke
i haven't slept a wink,
or maybe i have.
it's so dangerous,
to live in this fake life.
but the intricate workings of my mind
aren't allowing me to let go
let me realise that i'm killing myself
when someone speaks to me, i take in their every feature.
i remember their eyes - warm, cold, colourful, bland - all secretly beautiful in their own ways.
i take note of their noses, of sun kissed freckles scatter across the bridge to their cheeks.
but most of all, i watch their lips, as they speak, as they smile, as they frown.
and people find it strange when they see my eyes focused on their lips, but i'm focussing on the way their words fall from their mouths so fluently.
i'm focussing on their emotions depicted through their muscles.
i'm focussing on what they won't say.
this isn't a poem, but i just wanted someone to know
The water edge draws me,
It has many times before,
Until I was pulled away.
The ocean stares back at me with deep blue eyes,
And speaks in soft careless whispers.
The waves lap at my ankles, Kissing my feet.
The sensation is overwhelming,
The freezing cold water calming.
The water entwines it's fingers in mine,
Taking me further from where I could stand.
Every touch is gentle.
Every cell of mine begs for more.
So far out,
My mind is stolen.
No coherent thoughts,
Just the cold breeze tenderly caressing my cheeks.
Then I dive in once,
The feeling of nothing addicting.
And I smile as I drown,
Knowing I'm never coming back
Fear of the Water - SYML
third try, Hellopoetry deleted the first two.