My Mother always said that
We should never make promises we can’t keep
So maybe that’s why
I was shocked when you stopped loving me
And when you stopped smiling when you saw my key twist in the lock
And when you stopped waking up on Saturday mornings
Twenty minutes early
To make the pancakes that I love.
When gone were the days when your eyes
Took my breath away
In the most pleasant way
And now it just feels like
You’re cutting off the air in my windpipe.
So maybe that’s why
I sit awake on a Wednesday morning with your picture
Crumpled in my hands
It’s four in the morning
And tiredness hasn’t hit me yet
But when it does,
My god it punches.

You know I said to Sylvie that it’s hard to see you with someone else.

No she said I didn’t think it’d matter now. I thought
you were over me.

Yeah well I said I’m fairly sure you said you didn’t love
me anymore. I sigh heavily and massage my neck. It’s ******* sore.

Gods sake I whisper you won’t even look at me.
You never do when we fight. I wanna say more to you.

You know I thought I’ve so much more going
on. The last ******* thing I need is to be thinking
about you this much. I’ve had a headache
for days because of it.

I just want you to kiss me. I now know what
it’s like to be homesick for a person not a place.
You’re my “person.” I take some more pain meds.
I feel like I’ve a tight band around my head.

Just because I am mad doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.

Sylvie looks up for me work and gazes out
the window. The she puts her head down to read.

It’s so frustrating I thought to think you can
just “carry on” when I’m so distracted by all this.

And no, it doesn’t help me to know I said
I was over you and I lied about not being hurt.
I can’t say this to you – it’s futile. I love you.

I eventually walk outside and leave you to work.
And **** you barely notice. I miss you
and you’re sat right there and I’m in the garden.
Now I can see Dog Star. I imagine
the star making me whole and carrying me
home. Homesick for a person not a place.

I whisper to myself I hate you.

Hey where are you honey Sylvie yells.
I thought you wanted me to kiss you.

© Sia Jane

I don't know you
I don't know how you feel right now
or how you feel about the current state of the nation
I don't know how you like your coffee
or whether you prefer drip over pressed
I don't know the lyrics to your favorite songs
or if you like progressive rock or indie
I don't know your favorite restaurant
or if your prefer Chinese takeout and fast food
I don't know where your next adventure will be
or if you prefer to stay at home
I don't know if you like mayonnaise
or whether you like mustard on your hot dog sandwich
I don't know what you think about in the shower
or what you think about when you're washing the dishes
I don't know what keeps you up at night
or if you're the kind of person who falls asleep right away
I don't know your deepest most vulnerable secrets
or your hopes and dreams and your crazy ideas
what I do know is your heart
and maybe they tell you you have no feelings
that you can't be moved or touched
but I know that not showing them
doesn't mean you don't have them at all
we have the same heart and that's okay
everything will be okay.

i will give myself to you inch by inch.
i will make you bored of that same inch.
i will make you crave another.
i will touch the same objects that end up haunting you.
i will make you prefer the sound of silence.
i will give you enough space to fabricate a future for us.
but not too much so that i can see you just one more time
leaving you so very confused with your bits and pieces of shattered ambitions

and then you won't see me again.
you'll forget about the pain i left in your chest - slowly, and with effort

until you see me again, happy.
or am i?

I wonder at peoples wonder with the sky
Trying to comprehend what we will never even touch

My cosmos are all much closer than most think
Your eyes light up with galaxies
Your breathing creates a time vacuum

We wondered at the skies together
And I never felt more complete with my insignificance

But now I wonder at them alone
Try to imagine where you are
And I've never felt more incomplete