.
”If you are to love,
love freely and unburdened
by the tombstones
of past miscalculated regrets.”

But the heart
inadvertently beats
to the mismatched rhythms
of a hundred
caged doves’ wings.

Say the words you're afraid to say
You know I want to hear them
Say the promise that we will be in latter day
Say I am the life force that runs through your stem

Say the words you can never bring yourself to say
You know very well that I've been waiting
Say the words that will cause dismay
Say that I'm fueling a fire that's dying

Say the words you can't really say
Fearing the commitment I'd hold you to
Warn me of the rope that threatens to fray
Say that all my wishes will not come true

Say the words you've always wanted to say
Truthfully that there isn't a future
Please... Say the words you mean to say
Just need this knife to go a tad bit deeper

If I could stoke every single flame in the
     fiery blaze that is your heart
          To ashes are the
               kindling that I so willingly volunteer

If I could be the strength
     round the girth of your trunk
          Formidable am I made to last
               year after year

If I could exist in the
     tales of your breaths
          Perpetual am I etched in the
               eternity of your forever

I have observed brightly lit stores...
window displays welcome
with wide open arms.
Kaleidoscope of colours,
dancing to catchy music...
adding on to the allure and charm.

Droves of shoppers have identified this
as their slice of heaven.
Flagging retail therapy
and finding their
pocket of Eden.

I have observed some laying down.
Relaxing...
unwinding...
On patches of grass.
They stare at the sky
with much adoration,
as wispy clouds float on by.

These skygazers have chosen this
to be their little slice of heaven.
With the ground on their backs,
grass between their toes
and azure as their witness...
this is their pocket of Eden.

I have observed a couple of lovebirds,
seated at a café...
immersed deeply in conversation.
In their own private universe,
their own little bubble.
Employing hugs and frequent pecks as punctuation.

There's nowhere else they'd rather be.
From their eyes I know,
they've found their unique slice of heaven.
In each other
they've found their pocket of Eden.

I have observed myself...
I thought myself to be lost
for the longest time.
Seeking a place
for the voice in my head
that only spoke in rhyme.

All is not lost when
I finally found that place.
My little slice of heaven.
For almost a year ago today
I decided on Hello Poetry
as my pocket of Eden.

Pale-faced and stiff,
he stood...
Unmoving - frozen in time.

His chest no longer heaved,
his limbs dangled dead.
His painted lips were parted
with no spoken words.

We have before seen him breathe.
We have before noticed his wordless actions.
We have before heard his song.

And this is his end -
A space
unaccompanied by his usual
careful and subtle gestures.

He bore no voice now as he did then.
But his story was told loud
through the lyrics and music
of a hauntingly, mournful song...

Showcasing the lone relatable teardrop
that never dries.

Weepy is my heart as it mourns hard this day
Muddled is my head with thoughts all amuck
Muffled is my voice with the words I try to say
Stifled are my screams as they try but all seem stuck.

Tense are my shoulders with the load that I bear
Wet are my eyes seeing everything so blurry
Heavy is my chest as it sighs and draws its air
Tired is this body with so much it attempts to carry.

Weak is my strength, fending off oh so feebly
Uncertain are my hopes to see the light at the end
Outstretched are my arms reaching and grabbing constantly
Tested is my resolve, how much further can it bend.

Lonely is my soul yearning greatly for it's other pair
Drunken are my senses, almost losing all control
Desperate is my being wanting love that's not here but there
Clouded is my future, totally obscured is my goal.

Two-sided are the fallen words I have listed before
Strained is my mind as I try to view the good
Mirrored are these feelings, they bear so much more
Enlightened is my will, I shan't mope and brood.

Relieved is my heart when I think of the other that beats
Serene is my head when I separate fear from fear
Loud is my voice as it clears for the love it greets
Redundant are my screams for I don't need them here.

Relaxed are my shoulders, still fueled to continue
Wide are my eyes for the sight they can't always see
Lifted is my chest for the love it wants to pursue
Upright is this body, to get to where it wants to be.

Rejuvenated is my strength when I accept that I am strong
Restored are my hopes, I'd still keep them alive
Faithful are my arms, still reaching for what they long
Strengthened is my resolve with plans it'll contrive.

Contented is my soul for the mate it has found
Heightened are my senses, embraced by feelings so keen
Centred is my being, keep my bearings on the ground
Bright is my future, in my dreams they have been.

Empty are the words for I won't let them linger
Focused is my mind; on my prize no matter how far
Embraced are these feelings for they only make me stronger
Steeled is my will; to be one with my love, angel and star...

Many a time I've thought long and hard
Long have I picked at this stabbing splintered shard
Is He here or is He just an idea that's been long embedded
If He's here, then why do my eyes they both seem covered

Many a time I've questioned why I don't want to see
Because I really feel like it's only happening to me
I've pondered and tried to view for many different lenses
I've wondered aplenty why I haven't come to my senses

Many a time I've reassured myself with the following
That He does not give when you know you're not deserving
Challenges for you He does not wilfully make
Only those which He knows you definitely can take

Many a time that I've asked if I really do believe
When my discontentment triumphs and over it I grieve
I know that if in my heart I want Him found
It's time that I finally pulled my head out of the ground

Deep breaths become chokes and gasps...
As the air seem to get thinner.
I had promised that I shall not fall today
for people to see.
But I had just realised...
That my eyes have already betrayed me.

So here I sit, out in the clear.
Out in the rain.
Face partially drenched from the spray.
Head turned away from passing umbrellas.
I thank god for the rain,
for even if they notice me.
They wouldn't be able to tell droplets from tears.

This is my bargain.
Day for night
and night for day.

There isn't a time where I hadn't wished
that the day would end to make way for night.

Nights offer a bleak sense of comfort.
Almost as if they'd grant a temporary cloak which
you could huddle under and think or...
Overthink in the dark.

You could bargain shamelessly with tears running streams down your face and no one could see.
You could negotiate with reality for the slight perchance that things would turn out alright come daylight.
You could voice out your barter in hushed tones and still be somewhat assured that no one would know.
All of this...
In the cover of night.

Then when sleep eludes, you can't help but beg for day to come.
For with the light comes the day's responsibilities; all eager and raring to go.
Much like runners at the start line, anticipating the shot to be fired at the crack of dawn.
Shot fired and they'd come swooping down on you...
Sweeping you off your feet and carries you off to where you need to be, doing what you're paid to do for the next 8 to 10 hours.

That is your break from the dark.
That is your retreat from all the thinking.
That is your escape from... yourself.

And then...
4 hours into the day, you're wishing for night again.

I feel so lost and I have misplaced a part of me
Looking for answers in the rubble of emotional debris

How do you rebuild hard earned confidence
Smashed and swept, leaving no remnants

How do you stand on battered knees
And put on an expression that shows no crease

How do you recover something you barely just found
Something that exists neither above or below ground

Try not to limp because the world doesn't really want to know
If you braved through where thistles and thorns grow

They don't really care; In fact they might grow tired
Of the same dirge I insist on having repeated

I'm feeling the repercussions and myself I do blame
For expecting of you nothing less of the same

Only thing I can do is what I do best
Is to revel in overwhelming grief and fallen crest

Be annoyingly frail and exceedingly feeble
Soon may regret because some may deem it intolerable

Get up and chin up or I'll have more to lose
Still retaining the gift of breath I so choose

Pleading into thin air to quell the pain
As I try to piece myself all over again

There are many different masks that adorn my wall
Always at the ready for such time they would be needed
Each one of them summoned to answer a specific call
Each one of them used so that the truth can't be uncovered

With time and wear these masks grow all the more necessary
They protect me from situations that render me vulnerable
Kept contained all the emotions that I wish to bury
Kept in check all of my thoughts so I stay capable

I've had these masks for as long as I can remember
Afraid if they have begun to redefine the true me
They assume their roles seamlessly as if it's second nature
Their roles they would assume without fail, ever so diligently

But as much as they would protect from my own naivety
They also would protect others from the words that I wield
These poison-laden words fueled by my poor misguided sanity
Could easily stab and wound if not for the masks that shield

Often wondered these masks if I've ever taken them off
And function as is without hiding behind bolted doors
Would I be able to walk the line without temptation to scoff
Will I be compassionate yet honest; without causing new-found sores

Such a tough questions to which the answers I know not
Despite having pondered till my head grew sore and weary
Something I should have done before delving in deep thought
Is to now remove the mask that my face does carry

It pulls me deep with a grip so relentless
It swirls me senseless with tendrils so sensuous
It overwhelms me so with determined fervour
I can't breathe, I can't fight, I get pulled under.

It renders me helpless but every bit I'm enjoying
These currents they push and carry, entranced I'm dancing
Try to swim and navigate but almost seem futile
Defy all logic, in this magical enchantment I smile.

I squeeze in an occasional breath that's deep
Reality streams in like water running in steep
But in a heartbeat I exhale to expel it all out
For I am addicted to the current and its strong-armed clout.

It's a whole new realm that has been so long hidden
Mystical and whimsical, this overgrown path that's hardly ridden
Fortunate it feels to have discovered such a find
So consumed, that it fills my body and my mind.

This tidal wave in my heart, with strength so unbelievable
Wearing away the uncertainty and everything else sensible
As it beats upon the shore of my guardedness
Revealed the tender core filled with love that's limitless.

Forever I wish to be submerged in this dream-like state
Floating and drifting, clumsily in a child-like gait
I have found myself in this love I'm drowning
Swim up and awaken is a thought I'm not longing.

Engulfed in a blanket of love's sweet loving
Feeble attempt to embrace back is all I'm trying
"Enjoy it, and receive what you can" said the voice in my head
My heart replies, "I think I'll love her forever instead".

This feeling I have that drags my spirit
And I indulge in its lowly zest out of habit
My feet they move in a trudge like manner
Shoulders hunched inwards non receptive to splendour.

How heavy it is in my heart I weep
For a life been dealt in a single, swift sweep
Cards that has been dealt from aeons past
Oaths recited loudly so that they would last.

Amidst the crowd of mask-faced happiness
Unconvinced, I slipped past unfound lest I be careless.
Discomforted in what on this path may lie
Discontented as such that my heart whines a cry.

Rigidity of routine when sensibility took over
Bruised bad and battered well my heart tumbled after
It felt like it's the end of my dream laden days
Reality sinks in, picks on my heart and there it stays.

I don't want to leave my coveted dreamscape
I don't want to destroy my only means of escape
On the ***** of fantasy, forever I want to stay
But it's crumbling away alarmingly like sun beaten clay.

I deceive my heart into thinking that there's still hope
Truth is I may have come to the end of the rope
Heart wants to hear a faint whisper of reassurance
Mind chides heart, it judgingly delivers it's sentence.

My cries cannot be heard, a wail of futile pleas
Banging on locked doors for which I don't have the keys
So weak this spirit for it has thus been broken
Morsel by morsel, this hapless soul is being eaten.

This burden I'm carrying seem never to have lightened
It is the dark of this period I wish to have brightened
Someone, anyone help...please show me a way
In this god forsaken pit I do not wish to stay.

However there exists yet a slim little chance
Key to courage is somewhere if I could afford a glance
Chances are that I may never even find it
I'll be trapped in a hole in which I can never truly fit.

Awake this day...
And never fear.
I believe...
everything would be much clearer.
This day more than most...

For this day...
And everyday forward,
the sun would rise in haste to propose a toast...
to the undoubtedly most significant people... 

in my heart...

The moon would pull on the tides...
My thoughts and well wishes on waves they ride,
racing to farthest reaches of your recluse.

Just so this day you'd know
More than most days would show...
That my belief will withstand the fires of a hundred guns.
That my love would blaze with the fury of a thousand suns.

Know that,
this day the planets and stars finally would inherit their orbit true.

This day...
And everyday forth...

the universe would and must revolve around you.

.
Mighty palette
in the sky.
Feast of pastel colours
of sundown.

Nestbound birds
sang up a cry.
Alone I sat,
grass-crested mound.

Inhale a breath,
exhale a sigh...
Pocket of bliss,
peace on earthly ground.


.

Windows to the the world through which I see
Images of shortfalls and views of perpetual inadequacies.
Shut my lids ever hoping for a change in scenery...
But only pictures of emotional chaos, mistakes and uncertainties.

Visions I can't ignore and they can't be severed;
Like a splinter that's embedded but can't be retrieved.
Reluctant at first I wish to have them captured...
Capturing all the disorder, but have the beauty all sieved.

Beauty and light engulfed by this visual turmoil
From windows to canvas, I paint but with a sombre brush.
Vicious strokes represent the feelings that roil;
Devoid of pardon; sing of pressures that crush.

This brush that I use; I've taught it all too well.
It could paint even when running on the subconscious.
It never does relent, nor never will it ever quell,
It'll keep on painting the dark side of the senses.

My canvas just lays receiving the brunt of the strokes.
It lays there quiet; accepts it all without struggle.
Like fuel to a bonfire, it provides and also it stokes;
It lays there ready to accommodate the dust and rubble.

Again the brush finishes with its last deft touches.
Producing the same painting it's painted over and over...
They will never depict meadows with the farthest of reaches
But a portrait of me; staring mournfully into forever...

Too long I've rested upon my throne.
Ordained as ruler,
I wield a sceptre
imbued with old indoctrinated notions.
Bound in aged, tired traditions.
Obstinacy clasped tight within my fingers.

Living by the
foundations laid,
imposed by predecessors before.
I realise that I am but caged
within my self enforced confines.

I want what lays beyond...
But I am afraid...
And more...

I must embrace the unknown.
Be fearless...
And take to the darkness.

Because...

One can only fly free into greatness
if one is unafraid to take the leap
into changing winds.

A singular rose to say that you caught me from the start
Two of them would say that you too love me such
Three would mean three words that come from my heart
Five stalks would shout, "I love you very much!"

Six would spout six words that I always have said
"I love you, I miss you" is the message that they would give
Seven is the infatuation that I take to bed
Nine would want us together for as long as we'd live

Ten roses would state the absolute obvious
When they say that you are nice and so very pretty
"My treasured one", said eleven so filled with purpose
Twelve would cheekily suggest, "Will you be my steady"

Thirteen deemed to be unlucky for some
But roses represent that you are secretly admired
Fifteen is given with a face so glum
Apology is offered for what had transpired

Twenty would mean that I'm so much into you
Four more added to say that you're always on my mind
Thirty three reaffirms of my love so true
Thirty six would cherish all our moments in kind

Forty would mean genuine is my love and it's all I've got
I would genuinely love you if only you would let
Fifty of these flowers absolutely seem like an awful lot
But its worth to say that my love is free of regret

Ninety nine would cost but it'll say my love is forever
A hundred says that I'll remain forever devoted
One more joins to mean that you're my only love, ever
One hundred and eight is the big question that needs to be answered

Three hundred and sixty five roses represent the days in a year
They mean that I can't stop thinking of you every single day
I wish to give you eternal love that would span forever
On nine hundred and ninety nine roses these words would lay

Love is majestic, love is blind
Love can be plastic; it can be unkind.
It possesses; and it takes control
If it's an obsession; it'll take a toll.

Love overwhelms with feelings so sweet
In your heart it floods, sweeps you off your feet.
With subtle voices, it inspires and incites
Render you almost senseless; love excites.

Love is a drug; a tiny invisible pill
Love can do damage; love could also ****.
Like a puppet it'll get you strung taut,
An illness that debilitates; it can't be fought.

Love is beautiful; bundled up with string and bow
Your eyes might not see it but your heart would surely know.
It could travel vast distances and bridge many gaps
It sets your soul dancing, with well rehearsed steps.

Love could hurt you plenty; it does have a bite
Love could burn you completely; it does it with spite.
It stabs it's precise dagger with it's prized serrated edge
It could hold you at knife-point; and force you off the ledge.

Love is the beauty in the birds and butterflies
It is the awaited glow in everyday's morning rise.
Love does bear the sweet tasting fruit
Of the tree in your heart that it takes root.

Love would grow with fury and consume
Beware of the dangers should you err and assume.
It'll set you alight, may you crash and burn
It'll char you black to the point of no return.

Love would come to steal the breaths you take
It'll grant you flight with the actions you make.
It'll make you sleepless and stay up all night
In the hopes that forever will soon come to light.

It'll squeeze you tight till you can't breathe anymore
It'll pull you down and crush you down to your core
It'll take away the sleep and make you quietly weep
In the hopes that this love is what you'll get to keep.

Love is carved immortal as a smile on your face
In the way you walk, with a spring in your pace.
Love is the light you see when no one else can...
The good you inspire in every woman and every man.

Love is not the gifts and the sweet worded poetry
It's not the gallantry; nor is it the chivalry.
Underestimate it not for it possibly could *******
It claims the heart and setting everything else to rubble.

Love could soften the most hardened of hearts
Love gives opportunities for fresh new starts.
Love could heal; make you better than you are
Love is like a beacon on the brightest twinkling star.

Love could plunge you in darkness
Seed potent thoughts that will you reckless.
It tears at you leaving you all bled and dry
It'll leave you resentful; love is a lie

Love is war; waged by your heart and mind
Be free from it or relish the ties that bind.
Love is a foolish venture or is it essential?
Never let it be planted or embrace it special?

I know that love can never come alone
Pain accompanies like flesh to bone.
I have my thoughts, and I have chosen
Love will always happen; cherish what you're given.