I had a dream last night
You died again

I had a dream last night
And I had to survive again

It all still hurts
Even though it's been three years
It all still hurts

Come back again
I need you here again
Why did you die, again?

It took a long time
You fought the good fight
But sometimes it's not enough

You always had a smile
You never showed the pain
It was hard to tell the cancer was even there, sometimes

But now you are home
With the angel's wings we all knew should be on your shoulders
Among the saints

Carpe diem
Seize the day
I know it's scary
I know it's hard

But you don't have to be alone
Don't get swallowed up
It's not your fault
Don't blame yourself

Stay strong
Be brave
You are beautiful
You are chapter that need not end yet

Carpe diem
Seize the day
Live it well
Let it ring

Your voice is fading from my mind
I don't want to forget it
Your image is still plastered before me
But the grains are growing clearer
Still remember when I found out that you were gone
Still feel the ache each day
I wish that you were still here
Don't want you to be forgotten
You will never be forgotten

Same old story
Same old tale
But to you it never seems to get old
Have you ever considered the way it affects me
Or how much it hurts to see your glee

I am backing away
This time to never return
It's time for me to go
And for once ignore my rear view mirror
Goodbye

Breathe in
Breathe out
Namaste

Breathe in
Breathe out
I will stay

Negative out
Positive in
I am here

I am okay
I am okay
Namaste

Need to be skinnier - need to slim down
Need to put that makeup on
Need to wear the clothes that fit
The ones that make me hate myself

Need to fit in - need to blend with crowds
Need to hide it all
Need to make them think it's okay
Even if it's not

Need to say NO
Need to break free
Need to forget what they say to me
I am pretty
I am fine
It's going to be okay - I won't lose my mind

NO
I won't lose my mind

It was one summer
With many goals
One summer that allowed me to figure it all out
In one moment I realized what I want to do for sure
But in one moment I also realized I missed you
Yet in the next
I realized that I am one person that doesn't need you
And that I am one person that can change the world
All it took was one summer
*One

Why do you follow me everywhere I go
Why do I care
Please leave me alone and get out of my head
You hurt me too much to come near again
I know you heard what I just said
Just please leave me be
Leave my life
I need to be alone
Just leave me alone
Get out of my head

Take a picture - it'll last longer
Someday you'll miss these days, my dear
Take a picture - we can frame it
To remember it well when mem'ries are sour
Maybe someday the thoughts will be fonder
Always seem to be when the days last longer
But what do I know

Take a note down - scribble it out
Don't want to forget the words that were said
Take a note down - save it for later
When new lines are harsh - feel like breaking
Use some ink - don't let it fade
If it's done well colors will stay the same
Don't let it go

It hurts to let go - hurts to let go
Don't want to forget because
It hurts to let go - hurts to let go
Please come back
Need you right now - need you right now
Missing you so
Need you right now - need you right now
Come home

Take a picture - it'll last longer
Take a note down - save it for later

It repeats, repeats
This feeling repeats
The need to hurt, to get this unspoken pain out
It repeats, it repeats

It repeats, it repeats
The panic
The shaky breaths, the heart racing
It repeats, repeats

It repeats, it repeats
The phone rings
Need to call, need to get help
It repeats, it repeats

She repeats, she repeats
Try to breathe
Find your favorite song, drink some tea
She repeats, she repeats

Song repeats, song repeats
I can breathe
Sing along, drink the hot tea
Song repeats, song repeats

Back on repeat, back on repeat
I'm okay
Just praying it will stay this way
Back on repeat, back on repeat

Can't still
Need to go
Going crazy
This can't fit the bill
Need to get out
Mind is spinning
The work is hazy
Something is missing
Feeling restless
Can't stay here
I am a hopeless wanderer
That much has always been clear
Need to get going
Must pack the bags
New skylines await me
Must escape the restless plague

I shouldn't miss you
I shouldn't want to pick up the phone and call you
So why does my heart ache
Why do I dwell

I shouldn't miss you
You hurt me almost beyond repair
So why do I miss you
And your gentle touch
And the way you said my name

I shouldn't miss you
Or how you said "I love you" with little hearts
Because in the end you didn't mean it
It was all *******

Yet, I still miss you
Why do I miss you

It hurts
You feel empty
Like no one will ever know

The pain is crippling
Takes you down in a moment
Impossible to stand back up

Where's the light at the end of the tunnel
The rainbow after the storm
The color in the picture

It's all gone
It's disappeared
It's empty

But you have to stand up
You have to hold your ground
You are important

There will be a light
There will be a rainbow
The color is still there, just open your eyes

Stay, stay, stay.

The fact that it's been 5 months
The fact that  you are gone
The fact that I can no longer call your voicemail and at least hear your voice there
The fact that this weight is crushing me
The fact that you would be getting married
The fact that you should have graduated
The fact that your nephew won't remember you
The fact that I can't hug you
Or yell "mom" at the top of my lungs
The fact that I still cry whenever someone talks about you
The fact that my best friend is gone

I miss you

It's been a while
Are we okay?
I ask this question every day
Who are you to leave me hanging
For the millionth time
What is left to be taken?

Well, this time I have the upper hand
Because this time, I never actually let you in
So go on and get out
It won't phase me one bit
I'm fine on my own
I don't need your ****.