I saw you lying prostrate in your bed of bones and crumbs
the white sheets were stretched to reveal your garbage heap,
your nest a collage of street trash
you hoard yarn and plastic dolls with missing eyes
combing your hair with toothpicks and cleaning your teeth with vinegar

You blew the layers of dust that settled on your window sill
And your prickly legs laid tangled against your cool walls that had been painted over too many times
The paint would chip off into peachy piles
The original wall, an ancient artifact, poking through for air

You smash the little bodies of spiders under your thumb
smearing their entrails against the glass
studying the life you’d just taken against the rays of the sun
And I watch as you tear off your fingernails, their jagged edges scratching down my back

I try to fall asleep to your hums and shallow breathing
drowning in your little commune for the lost and forgotten
the relics of the city
Your little kingdom of pots and pans, of skeletons and guts
and red-rimmed eyes

I wrap my arms around your sticky skin, it’s greenish hue playing tricks under the light of the moon
I’m merely swimming off your coast, marooned on your island
watching you from afar, among your treasures

I am nothing if not a puddle of flesh
a vat of fresh blood
a knot of veins
what a gift, carefully packaged and assembled
meaningless
nonetheless, I am not my skeleton
I intend to shed this skin someday
until then I am merely here
a simple existence in a world of greed and guilt
on a hopeless search for purpose,
self-importance
that is most certainly lurking in a dusky, damp cave
at the end of the world

I pulled the flowers from their roots
letting the thorns dig into my flesh
that had grown rough
a hard shell
the thick blood was a blatant reminder of my mortality
something I could often forget these days
as I make my home in a house of shambles and rotting wood
numb and empty and forgotten
lost to those I once loved
my pleas for warmth fall on deaf ears
they couldn't carry the pain with me
they could smile in the midst of death
but I embraced the fact that this would all end
a curse for knowing the truth, I suppose
I plucked the petals of yellow roses
and mixed my blood with the soil full of decomposition
burying myself under the blanket of the earth
letting it swallow me
digest me
this blob of rock among stars will carry the pain of knowing the truth
that life does not last forever
that the heat of blackness was our home before our birth
a comfortable universe
so when we die we will return into the darkness
unaware of ourselves

I am drunk again
My best impression of a middle-aged man cemented to his sofa
His eyes hazy, glassy
staring at the static television
The clink of the glass
A relished sound that makes my stomach churn
The acid dances with anticipation
Adding fuel to the fire
I drink down the amber liquid
Almost too beautiful to waste on thoughts that rebel against the dam I've built inside my head

It's collapsing now
flooding the brain with insane things
Inhumane things
Fears of fingertips losing their grips around my wrists
Of lips losing their reach to mine
Hands having explored every inch of these flaccid limbs
Nothing left to conquer
The conquest long forgotten
To be alone.

The fog of a lover's face lost forever in memories
That will haunt me one chilly evening
A reflection of my worst nightmare
Inebriated and alone