Crash, bang, wallop
She collided with the shelf
A free standing unit
Until she grabbed it to steady herself

Down did it topple
Raining glass on her head
Sending everything flying
Through the air, what a mess!

Wine glasses, flutes, tumblers
And a vase
All hit the deck
And smashed into shards

Oh, what a racket
And a mess to behold
The nincompoop just stood there
And couldn’t be consoled

But it’s no use crying
Over spilt milk
And in her inebriated state
The thought of cleaning did she jilt

Drunk and disorderly
She sent herself to bed
Knowing that tomorrow
She’d have a thumping head

So leaving shattered
glass
All over the floor
Off did she teeter
To think about it no more

In the afternoon
When at last she awoke
The carpet was glistening
As if covered in snow

It shone and it sparkled
Like a night of a thousands stars
She wondered what’d occurred
Until her memory was jarred

By treading barefoot
Onto a sizeable piece of glass
That tore into her instep
Causing her to curse

Jumping up and down
With stinging, bleeding feet
She surveyed the considerable damage
Shocked at the scene

Of all her lovely glassware
Lying broken on the floor
A shattered picture frame
A teacup that was no more

Oops, thought she
What a flaming disaster
I’d better get a shovel
And hoover up straight after

And so she did
And all was fine
Apart from the ****
Which would heal in time

The moral of this story
Is nail your shelves down
And don’t put glass atop them
If you’re a drunken clown.

And so to bed
My weary body goes
Heavy and aching
I lift my toes

On to the mattress
And lie comfortably down
Pulling close the duvet
I cocoon myself in its mound

Drowsiness takes over
I settle my head
Into the pillow
Close my eyes and rest

It’s been a long day
And I’m feeling weak
Goodnight world
I’m off to sleep.

Run into the sun
As fast as you can
Catch it while it’s there
You know you want to run

High in the sky
Shining so bright
Lighting up the world
Putting wrongs to right

Where were you hiding -
You took so long to rise?
Now here you are
Right before my eyes

Golden and hot
Your rays beam down on me
Warming my skin
Winter a memory

We all come alive
And feel our spirits lift
Out in the fresh air
To be a part of it

Summer now dawns
Get ready to partay
We’ve waited so long
To feel this heavenly way.

Don’t you burst my bubble
Or rain on my parade
I’m walking on sunshine
Not stepping in your shade

I am on a high
Things are going fine
Got a spring in my step
And I’m feeling divine

Join me if you want to
But do not bring me down
Had enough of negativity
And never will I drown

Firing on all cylinders
Bursting with energy
Feeling light and zingy
Effervescent and carefree

As if I could actually fly
To the magical end of a rainbow
On the wings of a unicorn
Wafting which way the wind blows

Through iridescent, turquoise skies
And fluffy cappuccino clouds
Dodging dancing golden rays
That glisten all around

This vibe is sublime
I’m not causing any trouble
So stay out of my way
I won’t let you burst my bubble.

Used to like watching tv
Now it just makes me bored
Used to love you and me
When it was fun - how I adored

Now my rhythm’s all over the place
And so is my aching head
From too much time
Wasted on someone
Who would rather be in bed

Always too tired or broke it seems
To live Iife to the full
I’m sitting surrounded by shattered dreams
Feeling an ache I wish would dull

A wasted effort
Too much did I give
This depletion is real
Emptied out through combative

Exchanges and retorts
They say romance is dead
Stillborn with you
From beginning to end

So I take my leave
And throw in the towel
Wipe the slate clean
Before I fall foul

To another broken heart
Like the pieces of my dreams
Scattered all around me
Unpicked at the seams

Salvaging something from the wreck
That’s sinking to the bottom of the ocean bed
A smidgin of that stuff named dignity
That will keep me afloat now at last I  am free...

What a palaver
When your account’s been slammed
No internet or landline
Communications jammed

Who’s to blame?
Plusnet/Skye/EE?
All say “No!
It wasn’t me!”

So while they pass me
From pillar to post
I report them to OFFCOM
Now surely they’re toast

Can’t cut me off
For two whole weeks
And expect me to roll over
And turn the other cheek

I’ve been stitched up
Through no fault of my own
WIFI is no more
Running through my home

So I sit and I wait
Under house arrest
From the crack of dawn ‘til noon
At their inconvenient behest

For an engineer to appear
And rectify my plight
Get me back online
Before I lose my se

He’s cutting it really fine
This elusive man from BT
Another telecoms co.
To add to the other three

You’d think between the four of them
They could sort this major mess out
Not condemn me to more complaining
And shooting off my mouth

I’ve already had to take
A whole day off of work
Pay to use a net cafe
And it’s driving me berserk

Buy some extra data
So I can surf at least from my phone
And now I am a prisoner
A jailbird having a moan

Fast forward now an hour
The swine did not show up
Called Plusnet again
And spoke to some other dumb fk

Who told me my order was cancelled
By Orange - what a joke!
Another corporation to add to the mix
Now that’s five I want up in smoke

She then changed her tune
After putting me on hold
For an interminable time
As my blood boiled with these woes

“Oh sorry he came at 9
And fixed things externally”
A day off work was not required -
Well thanks for telling me!

Incandescent I tear into her ear
Wishing I could slap her face
If only this rep of Plusnet were here
What a ***** up, an utter disgrace!

“Yes, it’s unfortunate”
Understatement of the year
I’m seething at this heartless t*t

Who unfortunately doesn’t
Empathise
And is only increasing my wrath

So I ask for the boss
To lodge a complaint
I’m that flaming angry
I could actually faint

I must wait for a call
As he’s not around
Typical, I think
What a bunch of clowns.

I’ll update again
When I have more news
Until then must I simmer
As my screws are now loose.

Plusnet I hate you
You’re customer service is dire
You just tell me lies
I want to set you on fire

I’m no arsonist
But it’s been nearly a month
And still no flaming WiFi
Now I’ve really got the ****

And I know all about humps
As I was recently on a camel
And through that I’ve learned to hiss and spit
And p**s like these unruly mammals

I’ve conquered sand dunes
On the back of these beasts
And shall take you down too
If you persist giving me beef

Should’ve been last week
Now it’s going to be next
Stop moving the goal posts!
Can’t you see how I’m vexed?!

You say there’s a fault
On my line
That YOU disconnected
Then CHARGED me a fine!

You won’t refund me
Until it’s all been fixed
But fix it you can’t
You complete and utter *****!

I’ve spoken to OFFCOM
About my complaint
And drafted a letter
That clearly states

What berk’s you are
What incompetent buffoons!
To allow me to be slammed
Then rub salt into my wounds!

By making me pay
For the service I haven’t got
It’s laughable really
But I kid you not

So the saga continues:
I’m disconnected still
Hope you enjoyed the sequel
But to live I’m losing the will

Weighed down by the heavy cloak of depression
And his tormented brain
He searched for the answers in a bottle
He reached the bottom and sank even deeper into the pit

Senses intoxicated
Clearly not on his right mind
He fumbled around in the medicine cabinet
Seeking the ultimate way out

The pills were calling out to him
“We can free you”
So he swallowed the lot, washed down with yet more liquor

The chemicals began to dance through his veins
Releasing their deadly poison
He was overcome
Unconsciousness set in
Contorted and convulsing he buckled and slumped to the floor

She found him this time
Like the time before
Out cold, black mucus running out of his mouth
His ‘guardian angel’
She dialled 999

20 years later
And history repeats itself
This time he phones her to confess
The cycle resumes
Frantic calls to the authorities
Interminable waiting
Can he be brought back from the brink?

Yet again he is saved
But not cured
A ticking bomb free to wreak havoc
Upon his blood ties
Unharnessed rage and anger
Eluding the ‘system’ once more

A life saved
But a life sentence imposed on his ‘loved’ ones
When will it ever end?!

Is the end nigh?
I fear for you
I grieve
I cry

I worry you’re going to leave
And how I’m going to cope
You’re pallor is grey, you’re weary
And why I do not know

I wish I could make you better
But I don’t know where to start
I love you more than you know
You’re embedded in my heart

You’ve been here my whole life
I’ve never known a world without you
If this is it then give me strength
To be there and see you through

Watching you suffer this way
Tears me totally apart
I go for I can’t bear to stay
And watch you drift, depart

On tenterhooks we wait
For the outcome of your tests
I gave you the only gift I could
The return of the one you love best

Hoping together
You’ll find a way
To face what’s in store
And celebrate

The time you have left
For I fear it is little
Thus it is precious
Though weak and brittle

Make the most of it, please
Put your weapons down
Call a truce
The time is now.

The tug of ‘love’
Or rather tug of war
Under the thumb
His temper flares

He sees the red mist
She disobeyed
He clenches his fists
In a white hot rage

She argues back
He tries to silence
But he’ll never admit
He’s prone to violence

‘She winds him up’
Or so he says
‘They’re all mentally ill’
‘He’s the one who’s sane’

She’s out the door
He yells in the street
In fast pursuit
As she tries to flee

But his claws are embedded
Deep in her psyche
Ingrained for decades
And she just can’t fight it

‘He didn’t do it’
‘She made it up’
So on it goes
This tug of ‘love’

He won’t confess
Even to himself
Thus it continues
As he refuses help

Thus like a yo-yo
He yanks her back in
And spins her in his lies
Until she’s bound up in string

There’s no escape
Alas, it seems
A fight to death?
Is that the key?

The cavalry has been
Time and time again
But time and time again
Neither will relent

Embroiled in this saga
For all to see
Until one of them succumbs
To their own mortality.

The barbed cycle of abuse
Spins and turns
The perpetrator roams free
No lessons learnt

Constantly escaping
The scales of justice
Fiercely holding its victim
In its angry clutches

Caught in its web
Of control and manipulation
Bound by a billion threads
Powerless under its jurisdiction

Unable to think
Independently
The persecuted victim
Destroyed psychologically

No immunity to fight
The toxic onslaughts
Be they physical, emotional
Or their own Stockholm-syndrome like thoughts

Effectively caged and imprisonned
From systematic debasement
Lacking the self-belief
To fully escape the situation

The abuser in denial
Anything untoward took place
Adopting the ‘victim’ mentality
Now this spider has fallen from grace

Delusional to the hilt
The lies trip from its tongue
The threats pour forth in a torrent
Now it’s victim has tried to run

But the victim begins to falter
The road ahead unclear
Soiled and slippery from the oil slick
The abuser upon it did smear

Sliding backwards
Into the pit of despair
The victim weakens
Descending there

The arms outstretched
To save this poor mite
Not quite strong enough
To wrench the victim out of its plight

Thus the cycle
Engages once more
Spinning and turning
Just as before.

Excitement bubbling deep within
A plan finally coming together
Sounds that have been dormant
Vibrating ‘neath the surface
Breaking through the storms I’ve weathered

No longer shall I be silenced
I have rhythms to create
And words to put to music
For it’s never too late

The wheels are in motion
Dreams to be realised
Awakening from their slumber
And aspirations revitalised

Each day I take steps
To bring them to life
Dates in the diary
Ideas rife

Excitement building
A swelling tide
Bursting at the seems
I’m braced for the ride

A waterfall
Cascading down
The heavens having opened
Ideas abound

The cosmic flow
Depositing opportunities at my door
I grasp them all
I am blocked no more.

The calm after the storm
The waters have stilled
Time for reflection
Time to be filled

Too much time for some
Weighing heavily on their hands
A novel thing but unwelcome
As they wish they had more plans

Time together
Dramatic and fraught
Sped by, yes,
But them it overwrought

Yet they yearn for this time
As separated they are bereft
Unable to live apart
Unable thus to rest

The solution elusive
The outcome unknown
What to do for the best?
Best leave them alone.

The actress that time forgot
Resting prolifically
Gathering rot

The craft that began to rust
As she waited in the shadows
Accumulating dust

The spotlight that eluded her so
After clinging tightly to her dreams
She had to let them go

The opportunities that didn’t knock
But passed her by
With the ticking of the clock

The fire in her belly that wouldn’t subside
Though nothing of note
Did materialise

The watching of others’ success
As she pondered upon
Her own lack in distress

The waning of that ambition
Abandoned hope
Zero auditions

The conclusion it was time to quit
Try another avenue
Get over it

But this girl wasn’t finished yet
She’d find her forte
Live without regret

For where there’s a will there’s a way
And when the sun rises
There’s always another day.

He moved me but
He didn’t know
We were on the cusp
The feelings began to flow

I felt drawn to him
And was willing to merge
But we were interrupted
And our little bubble was burst

And so he left
Went back to his life
But the impression he made
Has caused me some strife

This lost opportunity
May never come again
Though I yearn for him
But he won’t relent

So I bottle it up
Keep it locked inside
But when I think of him
Butterflies arise

In the pit of my stomach
Fluttering away
And then he infiltrates my dreams
So that when I awake

I’m aching for him
Wishing he was nearby
But we are far apart
Though these emotions won’t subside

What to do?
Powerless it seems
The one that got away
If only he knew how much he means.

The uncaring and unempathic
Make me so mad
Thoughtlessly operating
They fire around

Insensitive words
That can ***** and sting
Designed to hurt
Dark energy do they bring

It’s all about them
And their world of pain
So bitter and twisted
Verbal punches do they rain

Down on those
Whom have ‘irked’ them so
Unwittingly perhaps
But still they blow

Me me me!
They take precedence
Self-centred to the hilt
So others they condemn

Offloading at the innocent
To numb their misery inside
Makes them feel better
To cause another to cry

I guess they can’t help it
As they’re suffering within
Something is lacking
In them, something grim

So on to any poor soul
Do they their bile project
Thus be mindful of this
And yourself do protect.

She put on a lilac ‘rinse’
And left it for only 10 mins
It went a deep shade of violet
She wished she hadn’t tried it

So she attempted to wash it out
But it was stuck fast there was no doubt
Then it faded to all colours of the spectrum
Now it’s green and matches her plectrum

It wasn’t her intention to have green hair
She wishes she’d resisted the urge
To dye it and make a right flaming mess
Now it seems in her head someone’s purged

So every day she scrubs and scrubs
With all manner of paint strippers
But the green in her barnet
just won’t budge
So she’s stuck with this colour it figures

Trying to match her clothes with her hair
Is proving quite a task
There’s only so much teal in her closet
And she’s bored with the situation though it lasts

Sick of the sight
When she looks in the mirror
She feels like shaving it all off

Grotbags would be thrilled
That she had an impersonator
Oh if only this girl could laugh

But it’s no laughing matter
When your hair’s in tatters
And no amount of effort sorts it out

All she wants to do
Is vanquish this colour
But she can’t and it’s stressing her out!

What does it all mean?
This life we lead
We rise with the sun
We love, we bleed

On a treadmill
Moving day to day
We go through the motions
And act a certain way

We while away the hours
At work, at leisure
We indulge in a few
Earthly pleasures

And the clock ticks on
No respite in sight
What’s it all for?
Why does day turn into night?

A cyclical existence
The huge wheel turns
Some say it’s a challenge
We’re here to learn

We’re born, we die
The interim’s a choice
But fate has a hand
In whether we commiserate or rejoice

I know not what
I incarnated for
But the monotony is palpable
And I crave something more.

Be like water
Go with the flow
Where the river takes you
You cannot possibly know

Be like the breeze
Light as air
Ride that wave
Without a care

Live for the day
You may not see tomorrow
No point dwelling
On the pain and sorrow


Take it as it comes
A blessing in disguise
Find that silver lining
You won’t believe you eyes


Fire purifies
Lightening breaks the shackles
A Phoenix will often rise
From the ashes of the battle


And if you are still standing
When all has come to pass
Thank you’re lucky stars
You weren’t obliterated by the blast

Then start over again
You got a second chance
Grab it by the horns
And ****** learn to dance!

Unrelenting heat
Persists for protracted days
Outstaying it’s welcome now
Oppressive the lack of shade

Nowhere to escape and hide
From the blinding rays
Sweaty, sleepless nights
Wandering around in a daze

Fatiguing soaring temperatures
Sap vitality
Lounging is all I feel capable of
Low output, productivity

The air so densely humid
Almost another layer to bear
I yearn for the intermittent breeze
To cool and caress my hair

Gooey tarmac
Scorched white grass
Too prickly to sit
It scratches my a**e

Too sweltering now to bask
And obtain a golden glow
Instead I dodge the searing fingers
That singe me as they stroke

From dawn til dark and into the night
The temperature persistently high
I toss and turn and beg for mercy
But it continues until it’s light

Oh pretty please would you kindly
Turn it down a notch
It’s boring now, really
To be so burning hot

Bring on the rain
To cleanse us all
Extinguish the furnace
Rehydrate, let it fall!

Drench my skin
Until I’m soaking wet
Bring about rebirth
I entreat, nay, I beg!

Catapulted into the world
My journey began
A life unfurled

The road ahead was long
I embarked on a path
I’m not sure I planned to be on

I managed to somehow crawl
Began to walk
Sometimes I’d fall

I’d have to get back up
My legs were unsteady
To stand was tough

But I got there in the end
Skills for the future
Had I learned

Obstacles come and go
**** back bridges
Jar the flow

The potholes can catch me out
Stumbling
Sometimes I cry out

Sometimes it’s plain sailing
I bound along
Without complaining

Sometimes I have a hand to hold
To keep me company
And contemplate growing old

Sometimes I go it alone
The littlest hobo
Needing no one

Other times I yearn for a friend
But ultimately
We negotiate the bends

And twists and turns by ourselves
For it’s a solo trip
That cannot be shelved.

Bubble gum is amazing
It stretches when you blow
You can wrap it miles around your tongue
And inflate that stuff like dough

Especially Hubba Bubba
The stretchiest of them all
Blow that ***** f*er
And you can have a ball!

But remember it’s only membrane
Though tough it has its limits
It’ll only stretch so far
Til it splits and covers you in it

Stretchy things aren’t infinite
Even they can be spread too thin
So careful with that stuff
Or it’ll burst and splat, done in.

The same applies to people
They can only bend so far
Before they inevitably snap
Broken, clean in half.

We only have one pair of hands
And helpful as one can be
If everyone wants a piece of you
It becomes an impossibility

To fulfil their needs
And still meet your own
You end up depleted
Clapped out, on the floor

So you must set boundaries
Look after yourself
Learn to say ‘no’
Think of your health

When it all gets too much
That’s a red flag right there
So take a step back
Regroup and take care

For if you’re burnt out
You’re no good to anyone
So repeat after me:
‘I’m not a piece of bubblegum’.

Double standards
Hypocrisy
One rule for them
Another for thee

Tongues dripping with lies
The fangs are almost out
Better watch your back
Or you’ll be pulling swords, no doubt

Under surveillance
The ever watchful eye
Monitoring your every move
To see if you comply

Rules to be obeyed
Judgements in the ether
You have to respect their laws
Or expect a sermon from their preacher

Live and let live
Doesn’t apply
You’ll be reprimanded
Though you may not understand why

If they disagree with your actions
And the way you prioritise
Because it jars with them
And you eventually they despise

So be careful what you say
And how much you divulge
For it may be held against you
And all favour you had annulled

For familiarity
breeds contempt
Sad but true
I lament

Best to put
Some space between
You and that ‘force’
That notices everything

Take some distance
Step right back
Shield yourself
From unwarranted attacks

I guarantee
It’s for the best
Extract yourself
From the vipers’ nest.

Shellac looks real pretty
It’s also tough and gritty
But when it’s chipped and ******
You have to again dive into your kitty
Which is a pity

You can’t just whip it off
For that varnish is ****** tough
It’s made of very strong stuff
And a chisel ain’t enough
Which is rough

It requires professional help
Heavy duty acid to make it melt
Then they scrape it off which is hell
Every chunk when it’s peeled can be felt
Which makes you yelp

So you pay them to put it on
And you wear it a while which is fun
But when you’re finally done
You must pay again to make it gone
Which is a con

So enough of shellac have I had
For the expense is driving me mad
Never again will I succumb to this fad
Unless a lottery win do I have
Which is sad

It’s a waste of tinfoil after all
To have your mitts so adorned
You could almost plug them into a wall
And power the entire street from dusk til dawn
Which could cause a fireball

Then you’d be totally fried
And have no need for shellac which once tried
Is so addictive it bleeds your bank dry
Until you wake up and see the light
Which is right

Traditional nail polish is best
Though the fumes do play hell with your chest
And it don’t last as long as the rest
But at least it’s not much to invest
Which is the test

So I’m sodding the shellac
Giving gels the sack
To basics I’m going back
Using the old laq
Which is cheaper, albeit crap

And that is that.

You fill the bowl
To wash the pots
You make sure the water
Is scorching hot

Plenty of fairy
To cut through the gunge
Then into the deep
Do your marigolds plunge

But in a split second
You cry out in pain
A blood curdling scream
There’s a ******* hole in them again!

Your fingers are singed
You jump up and down
Wrestling with the rubber
Dragging it down

Over your arms
As fast as you can
Revealing the blisters
All over your hands

How on earth
Did these marigolds go
And foil me again
By acquiring a hole?

They’re ****** brand new
Only worn them once!
Yet somehow they’re torn
And my digits are toast

Why does this happen?
Is there no God?
Invent some ******* rubber
Immune to the ****

Of a mystery hole punch
That wins every time
Incinerating my poor fingers
As I try to remove grime!

Surely there’s an answer
An invention for that -
If only rubber gloves
Were made of shellac.

Throat is sore
Glands are up
Banging head
Down on my luck

Confined to my bed
But too hot to sleep
Missing the air con
But for work I’m too weak

Swimming in
My own sweat
Stuck to the sheets
Which are wringing wet

Like a water bed
Or rather a paddling pool
My mattress has become la mer
But it’s stifling as oppose to cool

Life in the attic
Is an arduous affair
Sub Siberian in winter
Sweltering in summer sans any air

Oh, bring me an oscillating fan!
To waft me as I ail
In silver or white but definitely not black
Coordination with decor must prevail

I scour Argos
and Amazon online
But the fans are so plentiful
I cannot decide

Which one to order
And can they deliver?
Oh f**k, they’ve sold out
That’ll teach me to dither!

I’ll take a cold shower
If I can muster up the strength
To stand up for long enough
To get myself drenched

Nay, I’m too frail
At least at the minute
Thus my sweat sodden bed
Retains me in it

If I could just sleep awhile
Replenish my energy
Of this BO ridden pit
Could I at last be free

But this lurgey with which I’m afflicted
Coupled with the heat
Is keeping me awake
Sedate me, oh somebody, please!

I shouldn’t complain
It’s nice to have sun
But being broiled alive
Isn’t very much fun

Thus with the lobster
I utterly empathise
So torcherous and barbaric
A way to meet one’s demise

Fortunately I’m not a crustacean
Forcibly yanked by a net from the sea
I’m merely a girl with a viral complaint
Not viewed as a delicacy

Thus I should quit whining
And focus on being ill
For my head in the freezer could I stick
And with the frozen peas chill.

Don’t need my ‘full English’ served
On a giant rectangular slab
Don’t need a dressed salad garnish
With my bacon, sausage and egg

Don’t need vine-on cherry tomatoes
Give me canned ones in juice instead
And though I’ve scoured this ridiculous slab
Can I **** find a slice of fried bread?!

And where is my builder’s tea?
English breakfast or Earl Grey’s the choice
But cutlery won’t stand up in either
I want Tetley’s, nowt else will suffice

Oh, what has happened
To the greasy spoon?
This ‘N8 Brunch’
Is loony tunes

10 of my squid
For two brittle half rashers
That crumble to dust
When faced with my gnashers

One measly egg
Yet a goblet of beans
Presented as if made
Of priceless things

Resplendent on said slab
In a vessel all of their own
Yet still I detest these things
And deign to leave them alone

And every cuppa you have
Costs an additional fee
No bottomless beverages here
No meal deal where your tipple is free

This wasn’t always the case
But gentrification is setting in
Prices soar, pretension is rife
Poshification of everything

I love London toon
Particularly Crouch End
But I’m northern at heart
And it drives me round the bend

When I’m being ripped off
Taken for a ride
Fleeced and shafted
Hung out and dried

If I pop down the road
To N22
A tenner will buy
Double the amount of food

Might not look as pretty
Might not be as ‘posh’
But at least it’s value for money
Not like detonating your dosh

Middey’s by name
****** by nature
The tiniest of fry ups
Leaves me cold by temperature

A sprinkling of rocket
Is an utter abomination
On a British institution
I can’t afford at this rate of inflation

So b*ocks to the balsamic
You sprinkled on those leaves
That didn’t belong there in the first place
Desist in future, please!

Dispense with the vegetation
The slab that should be a plate
And reinstate the greasy spoon
In my beautiful N8.

When nature calls
Thou must obey
Except when in slumber
That just isn’t ok

Suddenly you wake
And wonder why
Until you hear
Your bladder cry

The sensation creeps in
Building in strength
You try to ignore it
But it won’t relent

You turn and twist
Willing it to subside
But a swell is building
Between your thighs

With the dam about to burst
You yank yourself up
Leg it to the loo
Entreating the urge to stop

Til you’re safely in the bathroom
And can finally let go
Bleary eyed yet relieved
As you allow your *** to flow

But your problems aren’t over yet
Here’s where the real challenge comes
Will you ever get back to sleep
Now you bladder has banged it’s drum?

It’s 5 am
Dawn has started to break
You’re no longer in pain
But  you’re wide awake!

And no amount of counting sheep
Can knock you out again
And so you curse your bladder
For depriving of sleep your brain

You lie there staring at the ceiling
Lamenting your bad luck
Conclude you must admit defeat
And reluctantly get up
Way too early.

I confess I’m addicted to my phone
My observations tell me I’m not alone
For when you venture out it’s plain to see
The majority of us are glued to our screens

Whether on the tube or pushing a pram
We all have devices in our hands
Surfing the net or social networking
Everyone obsessed with being plugged in

It’s getting so bad even in company
We’re not fully there as we view our screens
And now there are warnings from TFL
Not to fall down escalators as a result of this swell

In checking our messages, writing posts
Face to face interaction up in smoke
We’d rather be alone in the cyber world
Than engaging in reality with other boys and girls

It is an epidemic that’s spreading extremely fast
Thus it seems that human contact
could become a thing of the past
No need to leave the house anymore
When everything can be ordered and delivered to your door

A society of zombies isolated could we become
If we don’t down devices and venture out into the scrum
And mingle with other beings physically there
Where we can look them in the eye
and maintain that stare

Connecting on a basic level without the aid of WiFi
And concentrating on each other
instead of being distracted by
Notifications and little beeps
Incoming communication that never sleeps

And keeps you up all night as your brain just can’t switch off
From all the incessant stimuli we’re inundated with
Time to give it a rest, take a break just for a while
Look up from your laptops and perhaps give someone a smile

Watch where you are going, don’t get yourself run over
Be present in the moment and you hopefully won’t fall over
Have a coffee with someone instead of instant messaging
Regard the world around you taking note of everything

Don’t zone out and go into a solitary trance
Assemble your tribe, spin some tunes, have a little dance
Limit your time on the World Wide Web
Grab yourself a hottie and get jiggy with them instead

I’m talking to myself
As well as anyone else
Your family and chums are precious
And deserve nothing less

Than your undivided attention
For one day there’ll come a time
When perhaps they’re no longer around
And you regret being online.

I am the Poisonous Pixie
I wield my poisoned pen
I rant and rave and contemplate
And dish the dirt on (some) men

It brings me so much joy
To vent and find expression
In rhyming words and symbolism
As I learn my daily lessons

And if we should come into contact
And you should make an impression
You too could find yourself immortalised
In a lyrical form of expression

So please be nice –
For if you’re naughty you’ll know
You’ll end up in a poem
And on my blog you’ll go

And then into a book
For all the world to see
So like I said, be nice
Or you’ll be a victim of the Poisonous Pixie!