I noticed today
that things have changed
Things don't look so dreary, babe.
The sun is shining
so much brighter, darling.
My smile
is actually coming from inside
me
and it's reaching my eyes,
really.
It's plain to see
in the way I choose to view
my life.
It's nice.
Want to come with me
On this journey?
Say yes,
I'd be happy.

This is a story
about love
and lust
and misplaced trust

and the subject,
the main character,
today:
avoiding the dive--
the rush of fear and feeling alive--
because of those experiences
with that love
and lust
and misplaced trust.

The Character
has been here before:
heart on sleeve,
opening
up:
thinking it's love.
But no luck.

And it all
seems to be
an unlucky series.
Because that paper heart
was played with, you see
(At least now we know that it bleeds).
That fragile glass *****
was put into the hands
of a careless child
playing a part in the pitiful dance
of telling this story.

This Character
once gave it all
Jumped and flew
and then,
just fell.
Nobody caught this trusting sap
And at the landing:
You could hear that heart crack

But we recover--
stitches do heal--
so it might just appeal
to this storybook Character,
to try bending
the rules created
to keep that heart a little safer,
to leap once (or a few times) more
because behind one of those doors
is the fairytale ending.

Hollow things should seem wrong
You haven't minded them
Since you realized everything
Inside of you that mattered
Had long since disappeared
You revel in empty parking garages
You can scream and scream
And it echoes on without consequence
You always thought you were more like
An empty parking garage
No one cared much to stay and shout with you

{NR}

I might as well give up the act
Because I know the impact
And how it will attack
Stabbing me in the back
Every single day
As I stand in front of the mirror
And say that I'm okay;
Blood trickling down my spine
Reminding me that I'm lying.
We all know that it's fake
And what's at stake
(It's my life for goodness sake)
So I guess I'll give in and say,
Though the taste of it is strange...
What better day
Than today
To change

I'm grateful today
to be able to say
that I know I have a future,
begging me to stay.
Because otherwise
I would having nothing preventing me
from acting on my desire
to die...
Today I want to live
because in the morning the sun will rise
in the eastern sky,
and rise high
lighting up the darkness in life
or something.
I want to live to watch it set
one more time
to watch the night
come alive
as my monsters become less silent...
and only then, do I want to die.
But I don't jump
trying to fly
Because I know that I can't,
because I know that the sun will rise.
at least one more time.
And I know
that some day
It's going to rise
so high
that it consumes everything in sight.
I know
that some day
it won't set again.
Some day, I can say goodbye
to the night sky
and my monsterous mind.
So I'll just hold on tight.

"Tame your dragon"
My teacher says...
Can I refuse this assignment?
Make a plan
she instructs...
My plan is to slowly self destruct.
But I don't think that's what you want.
Can I be honest
and say
that today
is not the day,
nor was yesterday,
that I honestly want to change?
I know I should
but I don't really know what to say...
tomorrow, maybe
I'll consider starting.
But it might just be
a distant tomorrow
cuz today my plan is relapsing.