First shot of *****
You are not here.
Second shot of *****
I forget about you.
Third shot of ******
I **** someone new.


-- Eleanor

The same stories
The same laughs
The same people
And it still feels
Just like home
Every bit of it

Help me, help me,
They’re coming,
Singing their eerie rhythm
They are coming,
Coming to get me,
Help me, help me,
From the ferocious man- like-monster,
They come and drown you in the guilt,
The guilt they created,
They left you alone,
In the pitch black of the guilt frigid well,
Filled with human guilty tears,
Hurry,
Save me from the human frigid guilty

Am I so strange
that I can sense you
here
with me
in my thoughts
whispering
finding hope in negative spaces
finding light in an underground bunker
stars hiding behind the sun

Jupiter told me innocently
anyway

differences can lead you astray
so to become one
I'll blend us together

Living on Mars
easy enough

“Who am i?” thinking about myself,
questioning the things i feel.
Trying to figure out who i’ve become,
and what is real.

I can feel it fading,
the person that i used to be.
Slowly losing all the memories,
that once defined me.

How can i be certain?,
of the things i think.
This unstable boat i’m on called life,
already starting to sink.

No one there to help me,
my forgotten despicable self.
Like an old dusty book,
thrown away on the unreachable top shelf.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About memories and how they seem to slowly slip away as the days go by. They never leave all at once. But one day you think you'll never forget this moment and this person and then months or years later you find yourself struggling to remember a simple name. Of course there are some memories we can't possibly forget. Some absolutely incredible, where we felt on top of the world; most of them haunting and excruciating, that have incinerated themselves onto our hearts and souls. And we'll carry these with us forever. But I've found that the key is not to think about how heavy they are, and how much they're weighing us down. But how strong they make us that we never stop making more. More mistakes, more reckless decisions. We are so brave to keep making promises and we are so brave to keep letting love in, over and over again. I know it's hard to give someone your love when it was handled so carelessly in the past. And you don't think you'll ever feel the same again. And you're absolutely right. Because it will keep getting better and you will keep getting braver and stronger and full of love. You are growing and your heart is expanding and you are learning every single day to forgive and never lose your hope. I beg you, please don't ever lose your hope. You have battle scars that tell the most heartbreaking and inspiring stories and that make you the beautiful human you are today. You have a smile that never ends and arms that are always open. You are the everything that I want to come home to - sweet coffee, warm bed, contagious laughter. You love with a heart overflowing with forgiveness and acceptance. You are the one who stays, when it's long past time to go. You are second chance after second chance and you deserve the entire universe. Don't let anyone give you any less.

No, I'm not ready yet!
Please, you don't understand,
There's been a terrible mistake.
Yes, I know this is the right
Address, I was supposed to come here,
But I'm early, and
It wasn't supposed to be this way!
I know, I know, I said I wanted it,
But that was some time ago,
That's not who I am anymore ...
... no, open the door, stop the
MACHINE! Before it crushes me ...
... I'm up against the
Wall, and it won't be long now, but
Just a few moments more?!