The voices in my head
The voices that always say
That I'm not good enough
That I'm not capable of love
That i'm ****** to be hurt
Bleed to death
Keeps getting louder
And louder
and LOUDER
UNTIL I HAVE TO SCREAM
TO  TALK AND COAX MYSELF.

Each time I think
I had the best, the better of me
They keep coming at me
Throwing shades
Making me feels small
Like I'm not enough
Like I'm not going to make it

You say that it's in my head
But i feel them in my bones
You say that I am okay
But I cry myself to sleep
You say I'm happy
When i'm holding in the tears
You say I'm going to breakthrough
But all I see is a quick exit

Nothingness taste bitter
And the suffering is getting sweeter
Life is getting saltier
And daylight is going sour.

And here i am
Stuck in the endless cycle
Of self pity and euphoria.

Stuck thinking about me
Thinking, reminiscing, thinking
If only and what if
Slowly losing myself
I see myself crying on the bathroom floor until my eyes they sore
I'm used
I'm bruised
Abused
I wish I'm at the sea
Wishing the wave would float me away
Or just sunk me deep
I'm stuck
Thinking, reminiscing, thinking
Couldn't move myself forward
Cannot end what have I begun.

I've chased the butterfly
I've chased the pain away
Now i can rectify
To build my own gateway

My mind they stop running
I can now sit and say
My mind they chose to stay
I say no more running

At times I am slipping
On this slippery way
Slipping again from you
And no one catching me

Each fall i fell deeper
Each fall I am scattered
i had to hoard and build
My decaying body
Using words and my tears
Each fall took my perfection away
Broken but they work anyway
If not, eventually

They'll work
My body,
They'll work
If not now
Eventually.

Never thought it could break me once more,
You said you will be there through everything,
But you bail out when everything was at stake,
Leaving me alone collecting the broken pieces of everything we build together.

Overthinking all the words you ever say,
Cause you left me hanging at the last word you say,
I'm finding the way to make you stay,
Cause I am not ready to push my feeling away.

You left marks all over my chest,
You keep my regret checked,
You take your leave when you decide i am no longer your muse.
Funny how I'll be forgiving,
Even when you choose to let me go,
This heart will always beats for you,
I'm tired for not listening to myself,
Even when i'm about to lose it to the blues.

No one sees the pain behind that smile, i smiled.
Drink up the lies all of you ever shoved down through my throat.
Drive me to the edge of everything.
To the point I might just succumb to end my chapters right here.
But don't worry, i'll keep walking even when no one else is here with me.

Staring into the blinding light of the morning rays,
I thought I saw heaven by the graceful dance of light between the clouds,
But it was just light shimmering through the crack of the sky.

Swimming in the vast open ocean of an unknown depth,
I took a dive and I thought I saw heaven through light dispersing between waves into the waters,
But it was just rays glistening among the broken wavelet.

Saunter through a green and yellowish valley with wind stronger than your breath,
I thought I saw heaven perfectly captured betwixt hills and mountains and flow of rivers,
But it was just a picture of my sweet gateway from my mental bedlam.

I remembered the Sequoia
I haven't forgotten
I remembered the Acacia
I haven't forgotten
I remembered

I'm seeing Amaranth
I'm seeing Allure
I'm seeing Aragon
I'm seeing Azure
Aurora

I felt the mist
I tasted the fog
I drank the dew
I heard the rain
resurrect

I know the hum
I know the beat
I know the rythm
I know the sound
Orchestral

Winter is warming
Summer is overated
Autumn is serene
Fall is saddening
I feel

This ambience is tranquil
Sometimes horrifying
This atmosphere is pacific
Sometimes petrifying

The sensation of being solus
The sensation of being unloved
The sensation of being foible
Me.

Underneath this thick layer of trust,
There's an emerging lily of doubtness.

Underneath this thick layer of promises made,
There's hope, germinating.

Underneath this thick blanket of snow,
We're blooming flowers.

As it melt,
We start seeing eye to eye.
And decided
To walk away.