"Be good,"
is something that people sometimes say
when they are saying good-bye.

I'm trying to be good.
Since missing you comes in waves,
I've secured a lifeboat
So I don't get swept away.
Instead of drowning in self-pity, I'm going to be good.

You didn't offer a good-bye.
You didn't offer any kind of sentiment such as "be good."
I might not be good yet, but I'm okay.

A monster has crept up on me,
Claws are at my neck.
Part of me wants to fight,
Part of me wants to succumb.
These claws rip and tear at me with a question--
"What more could you have done?"

Is there a better tradition than Halloween?
When I was a child, cloaked in the velvety darkness,
The night felt like it was crackling with electricity, possibility.
Swapping candy, riding the trailer, being out late on a school night;
I realized from a young age nothing emboldens you like friends and the nighttime.

When I was a freshman in college, I saw Rocky Horror for the first time.
"Creature of the Night" rings in my ears as I
Put on makeup,
Take a swig of *****,
Place on the final touches of my costume.

Halloween becomes a blurred vision of masks, laughter, and kisses.
Locking eyes across a room,
I am more alluring as
Daisy Buchanan
Holly Golightly
A fairy
Mary Poppins
Alice in Wonderland.
They're all cute, animated, familiar, warm.

Each day after Halloween is a sickly feeling,
nausea from overindulgence
I will always be emboldened by the night.

Today I say "I Do."
Today, I commit to loving someone
that I could only dream of.
Today, I realize that I will have to work,
Work to love her like she deserves.
She deserves forgiveness, kindness, patience.

Today I will create a love that is impenetrable--
No one will be able to erode the strength,
self-confidence,
and resilience.

We lower our masks over our faces,
Put on our armor,
and get into our places.

You start with a playful jab
But it ****** more than you know.
I raise my weapon in defense,
You take a couple of steps back.
I think the match is done
Until you come swinging
Because you need to know that you've won.

If only you could take your mask off
when we're not sparring;
Maybe then we wouldn't need to fight.

You are at war with yourself
But I will not follow you into battle.

I will wrap myself in my white flag,
Finding peace in surrender.

When worries creep into my mind,
I am trying to explore them like territories
Plot them on a map and create logical lines.

I am trying to not let them come to life:
Giving them teeth, giving them intuition,
Endlessly gnawing at my insides.