Rage.
The jaws open: A growl,
Painted with bright orange.
Breaths of thick soot,
Choking the sky,
Screaming from the ground,
Ripping wood to dust,
Splinters to ash.

The smell is choking,
Right in my lungs,
I can't see a thing,
Just grey and flame,
I can hardly breathe,
And the world is turning black,
And all sound falls away,
And only "Run!" screams through my head,
So I do,
Like a coward,
Like a fool,
I could have stopped it,
But now the fire's caught,
And nothing's left to go back to

The sky is alight
Beauty flashes, falls and fades
Leaving only dust

The first settling snow,
Came late this year,
And the usual dancing was muted,
To little more,
Than a sway.

Once exhilarated,
Our feet this year,
Are heavy, placed and firm,
For no reason more,
Than fear.

Remember them,
We're told,
As they launch another drone,
Another assault,
And drop another bomb.

Remember them,
We're told,
Though there's others every day,
Everywhere we look,
People dying, starving, crying.


Remember them,
We're told,
Though even now there is no peace,
No truth or life,
Without debt or pain.

I'm sure they'd rather we forget,
If it meant we fixed the world today.

I scream at the wall
As if it could understand
Or even hear me.

My fingers grip tight
Around nothing but themselves
Nails in my palm.

The air grows heavy,
Dripping slowly down my throat
Sticking to my lungs.

My vision closes,
The room's shadow grows stronger
A closing tunnel.

Now my eyes empty
Themselves of all their sorrow
Onto the carpet.

Should I try to fly?
Is escape really worth it?
What am I fleeing if not myself?
If, then, I was free,
Would that make a difference?
Or would I carry my pain with me?

If I flew would rain still weigh me down?
Would the clouds obscure my view?
Would lightning strike my fragile wings?
Or, perhaps,
Would I breach the bounds of clouds?
And soar in constant light?

On what have I based my fear?
Some assumption of the dark of the human heart?
Are the forces I flee chasing me?
Or are they too,
Already within me, a fabrication as an excuse,
To cling onto the idea I am broken.

Then another light, stronger,
Ignites with a flash,
It fills the whole room,
In one luminous splash.

The light spills into the streets,
Driving the shadows away,
Exiled from our lives,
Replaced with hope that stays.

For so long, we struggled on,
Striving to learn,
But our steam-powered hearts,
Had no coal to burn.

But now refilled and relit,
The flame burns bright and true,
In dancing bursts it spreads,
The clouds finally broken through.

A restart, another chance,
To make all things right,
And nothing on this simple earth,
Could shine nearly as bright.

I am halted,
In my falling,
My head turned,
To the glory,
Of the sky.

I am rescued,
From my fated,
Decline into,
The darkest days,
Of my heart.

I am restored,
From the shadow,
Of a tired,
Struggling soul,
To new love.

I am unchained,
Free to survey,
The beauty of,
Daylight's dancing,
Across clouds.

I am afraid,
That over years,
Or lonely nights,
My joy will fade,
And perish.

I will be strong enough,
To get out of this alive,
And without scars,
Or else,
Face up to the pain,
I have caused.

I am no great poet,
These words are no more
than an outpouring of thoughts,
In random orders,
Without much more thought
than that which they were.

I don't have any formula,
No structure or style to stick to,
I just repeat when it feels right
Repeat when it feels right
to remind you of what I said before
In some other thought.

I don't live a different life,
That is somehow more poetic,
Or beautiful or inspired.
I don't have a muse at the moment,
Nor do I have a sanctuary,
Any escape or silence
In which to think.

All I do is amble through,
The lines until I find
Some moment
Strong enough
Or desperate enough
Or vulnerable enough
To create some kind of
Fragile beauty.

And here's the end,
Now to work,
Learn again,
Write again,
Keep it there,
In your head,
Don't understand,
Just learn it,
Keep going,
Don't tire,
Focus.

*Focus!

Cut it out
Crying won't help at all
That feeling in your stomach won't go
Calm down
Don't let it take control
Breathe, you fool
Why are you so weak when the sun sets?
The shadows don't have to
Rule your heart
With tears

The night holds terrifying things,
Shadows in shadows,
Sounds with no source,
Not knowing so much worse.
But the night has a beauty,
Found in the absence of colour,
Eyes drawn to different angles,
Different shapes,
Never noticed before,
Reflections never seen,
Except in moonlight,
Dotted with blurred stars.
There's something about stepping forward,
And not quite knowing,
Where your foot will fall,
Or if it will at all,
An excitement?
Fear, certainly, but enough,
Confidence to keep,
Walking through dark.

Where have the words gone?
My throat closes up and chokes,
Another chance lost.

A tremble, a murmur,
A shaking in the ground,
A waiting, a crying,
A pleading to be found,
The broken, cold-hearted,
Knew before the fall,
But stood by and watched
As we lost it all.

A shudder, a grinding,
A twisting of metal,
A crunching, a falling,
Clouds of dust settle,
Devastate, destroyed,
Hope all but gone,
No pieces left to pick up,
No base to build on

What is there for us?
The dreams of the hopeless
Are tearing at the sky
What's left of independent thought
Can't find a reason why…

Shouldn't we try to rebuild?
Shouldn't we have prepared?
Why didn't we see this coming?
Why didn't we all start running?
Hasn't this all happened before?
Haven't we said we'd learned from the last war?
We felt the cracks running through our backs
But still we let it all fall down.

Quiet lines define her face,
Soft edges - the limits of beauty.
Within those boundaries,
A whisper of perfection,
A hushed light.

Yet beyond her features,
She is strong,
A simple straightforward confidence,
Unquestionable, firm,
Yet somehow soft.

I tried, once again, to forget her,
To ignore the buzz in my chest,
To put her aside and walk alone,
But our paths cross again and again,
And I am no longer able to resist.

We bicker and tease,
And we've learnt where the line lies,
And how to cross it.
But somehow, we grew closer,
By falling apart.

Her smile, her laugh,
Pure joy melting across her lips,
My ears will never know,
My eyes will never see,
Brighter.

Unless our hands fit together,
And my smile joins hers

Such a sad world
The sky weeps
The earth screams
Where such a marriage
Of shackles and the blind
Seep into the air
Only whispers remain
Of days before hearts froze
Of time before the bind
In destined ruin
Forgone fates cry out
Empty voices in the dark
Insistence pours into
Virtue cracked and crumbled
Upon Agony's altar

Music cannot help itself,
nor be silenced by dark,
Long after nightfall,
Still those light tones,
Will float away into some forgotten corner,
Of some familiar room.

Many hundreds of children
Forming their impression of the world
As I sit, bitter, but hopeful,
With a face that forgot how to smile
And eyes that learned to be shallow
Or shallow enough
That the truth could only be found
By one who searched for it
Their tears are ended
By simple joys I no longer know
Perhaps they will not need the fears I grew
Perhaps they will need more
But for now they do not know

"Love yourself first"
Where did that get me?
Staring in the mirror
Asking questions
Finding all the problems
To forgive myself for
With no purpose
No passion
No drive

No, my love for myself
Starts with those around me
It starts with kindness
Self-sacrifice
And devotion
To the name of equality
Through which
I can believe
I am worth loving.

Don't forget me, Eagle,
As you soar away from pain,
Your fear of heights pushed away,
Replaced with new escape.
You told me to write a poem,
Of the red sun on green waves,
And said you wished to fly,
For the sake of being strong.
You told me to stop thinking,
And live life instead.
And you wished to be the only one,
Alive in this place.
So don't forget me, Eagle,
Because I will not forget you.

"Some say love, it is a river"
How the tears flowed that night,
How the rain fell and wiped our cheeks,
How the wind caught our hair and blew in our faces,
How we cried.

"That drowns a tender reed"
How many fell that day,
How young, how old,
How free of fear until too late,
How quickly gone.

"Some say love, it is a razor"
How deep it cut so fast,
How much pain consumed us,
How the dark spilled into the streets,
How long will it last?

"That leaves your soul to bleed"
How to move on,
How none of us knew where to look,
How to smile again, or if we should,
How empty we were.

"Some say love, it is a hunger"
How it burned, the anger,
How the passion grew strong,
How a single raging desire filled us,
How it took over.

"An endless aching need"
How we stood together,
How we all dreamed and longed for a future,
How it is no longer a wish, but a necessity,
How it sits with us.

"I say love, it is a flower"
How as one we somehow felt better,
How those candles pierced the shadows,
How we joined hands and held tight,
How we wouldn't fall.

"And you its only seed"*
How the seeds were sown,
How their lives were lost,
How it must not happen again,
How death does not end them,
How one day those seeds will bloom,
And those flowers will not be laid by candles.

For we should not forget their sacrifice for country,
For patriotic desire for liberty,
For freedom, above all, but not for them,
For their children,
For future generations,
For those yet to come, they gave everything,
For the right to be individual,
For safety from oppression,
For an end to fear,
For all this, yet...
For all this we forgot,
For every lost life, another lives afraid,
For every drop of blood spilled, a hungry child cries,
For every word towards acceptance, another cast out,
For every bullet fired, hatred built higher,
For every time we said 'we shall remember', we ignored their cause,
For though we may not forget their names,
We forget why they fought.

Her eyes made me realise
How far I was away
When she called my name across the bay
And said, "You're going the wrong way"
I held my heart out,
I said, "You be the lighthouse,"
She said, "No, I don't want you to turn away."

She's not a lighthouse,
She's Ursa Minor A
Except she holds my hand
To remind me that
She's not 400 light-years away
When I'm lost at sea
She's leading me
Home.

I know when I'm lonely
All she has to do is hold me
And all of the pain fades away
As the rest of the world falls away.

I know when she holds me
She's never going to let go of me
We could run away
Just us, we could escape.

Then she holds me tighter
The flame between us brighter
Suddenly we're running free
Her and me: in our dreams
She's leading me to a fantasy.

Who cares about the storm clouds?
When this could be our breakout.
My hand runs through her hair
We could be anywhere
Because tonight
Is our night.

She's not a lighthouse,
I'd rather bask in her gaze,
She's my North Star, wherever we are
And she's pointing the right way
I'm following her
And when I'm her girl
I'll be home

Flames lick at my eyes
Leaving their vicious residue
Biting at the vessels
Bleeding out into view
Screaming! Screaming!
Water runs in futile attempt
To subdue the air as it scratches
With poison on its claws
And pain on its tongue
Burning! Burning!
The world is a haze
Corrupted before even meeting
My melting pupils
I'm shaking in purest agony
Crumbling, collapsing,
My only escape - darkness
Eyelids tight, hiding
The fragile white of my eyes
A short relief, but slowly
Burning through the door,
The fire does not end.

How many fingerprints are ingrained between the cracks?
How many more were lost in the tides and storms decades back?
How long has such lonely metal hid as the world around it changed?
Was it lost, forgotten or just never seen again?

Did these words round its edge - now broken truth -
Hold meaning and memories or ignored in simple youth?
Are these patterns, barely seen, dead to the eye?
Or are they just waiting for someone to find the right light?

A chance to spread wings
And leave safe places
For no reason
But random curiosity
And pointless feelings.

The winds tonight are screeching
As they scream past the pane
And I close my eyes to grip my wrist
And hide my face away

The dark tonight is closing
As its shadows fill my mind
And I whisper hateful nothings
To freeze my seized up spine

The breaths tonight are shallow
And grate against my ear
While the metal claws grip me
And satisfy my fear

Mesmerise, Memorise,
Broken eyes staring at me.
Tenderise, Slenderise,
My own eyes always hate me
Looking back, Reflecting back
The venom that runs on my skin.

These tears belong to me
You can’t take them from me yet
If I’m scratching at my skin
Then pain is what I get
Don’t cheat me out of hurting
Don’t save me from consequence
I made my own mistakes
So I’ll pay for my own scrapes

Frozen white falling,
Clings stubbornly to trees,
A border, a blank accent,
Winter's substitute for leaves.

The pencil lines of branches,
Faint enough to be erased,
The ground off-white whitewash,
The sky a mix of greys.

The world seems hushed and silent
But for flakes cascading down,
A still, a frame, a picture,
Of a dull sub-urban town.

Fresh cut grass baked in rare sun,
Streaks of pale green beneath my toes,
The smell of year five break-times,
When we'd run and throw and build houses from cuttings.

I remember when we'd pretend,
That we know far more about life,
Passing notes and giving subtle gifts,
Hints of made-up love.

We'd ask if we were born wrong,
If we should play football or with skipping ropes,
And we'd laugh at little things,
And we'd care about the world.

These days the world's on hold,
While we take and stress about exams,
Outside is a waste of time,
Until we take the time and breathe.

Breathe in the smell of a time I loved,
A time when friends were everything.

From far away,
Beauty becomes,
Greater than itself,
It glares, grows,
Screams stronger,
Catching, capturing,
Your eyes until,
They are no longer yours,
Only ever seeing,
Her.

A boy came by today
His eyes never left the ground
His coat looked new and too big for him
He carried a satchel, a cheap one
One of his fingers was shaking.

The boy came past today
He glanced at me once
His eyes were empty, hollow
His fist was clenched, tight
His jaw was shaking

The boy came back again
He locked his eyes on mine
He was pleading with me
His shoulders were wider than before
His arm was shaking

The boy ran past today
He turned his gaze away
He was crying, I could hear
His coat fit him now, with all its marks
His hands were shaking

The boy strode by today
His head was held high
His hair was longer than before
He wore a backpack, a new one
Still he was shaking

The boy came by today
His friends by his side
They were all wearing makeup
He wore the same old coat
His finger shaking

The boy stopped to listen today
His eyes bright and lips smiling
He had a new coat to go with his skirt
He gave me a coin, his hand shaking
I said "Thank you, Miss"

The girl strut past today
Her steps confident in those boots
She carried a small bag on her shoulder
Her hair pinned up, it matched her dress
She wasn't shaking

Chaos,
Crashing past before my still breaths,
While the rushed-off-feet rush to meet their dead-
-lines I stand firm.
My task yet to begin.
Slowly, I release the air through my mouth,
Three black-shirted figures striding, a quick
glance at me, the slimmest of smiles, then
gone.
A microphone placed in my gloved hand, an explanation,
Then I prepare, press my thumb and slide: 0 - mute - ON
My voice resonates, all that can be done is done,
The lights frantically tracing their carefully programmed paths,
Now it is my time, the closest of the front-of-housers,
The undeserving star, but it is my task:
*"Ladies and Gentlemen..."

A slight shimmer,
Coat the grass in silver,
Gild their edges,
Turn them into blades,
Let the army rise up,
With their weapons drawn,
Against the blinding light,
The great oaks prepare,
Tightening their glinting armour,
Anchoring firm to hold their ground,
The front lines arm themselves,
With concealed spears,
And twisting barricades,
All glazed in white,
But their loyalty lost,
And their blades softened,
Their armour crumbles,
Their spears break,
At the careful,
Whispered breath,
Of the sun's waking.

With the ears still ringing, the lights come up,
And the crowd shuffles drunk to the doors,
The haze and blare of the show is gone,
replaced with cigarette smoke
and chatter.

And as the last few stumble out into the fresh winter air,
each with their throat stinging from
singing too hard,
that moment is shared.

They all hold the memories of a few hours,
Where nothing mattered but
honest angry songs and
having fun.

And in an hour, perhaps they'll all have headaches
or collapse, shattered wrecks on the streets,
but not one will regret that shared
moment of defiance.

A night of standing up and believing we don't have to
let the miserable world get to us.

An evening together, and for no purpose, and for only one reason:
Music.

Kicked off computers,
Failed songs,
Drawing bees on arms,
Two sets of glasses,
Learning names,
Pulling out hair,
Confused by triangles,
Wearing white scarves,
Horror hangman,
Lighting techniques,
Stealing phones,
Trying to teach,
Laughing for no reason,
Creeping each other out,
Staying in late.

School - *"fuduckulous"

The coke fizzes just over the rim of the glass,
a sliver trickles, reluctantly down the side,
To a cacophony of a rising hiss,
It pools on the surface,
shining,
The rise cuts itself off,
Done.

Wasting time with legs
Crossed on his lap
Poking fun
Work's not done
But does it really matter?
The hours stolen by
Jokes and tangents
Of politics, thoughts
And made-up words
That paint these
Undirected times
With life

A shard on the wall
Of messy darkness
Soft-edged yet piercing
The perfect prison of my mind
It draws my eye despite
My futile attempts to distract
Away to other things
And wills me to
Open another hole
In my heart
Bleed another prayer
To let another ear hear
Though I know not
To whom I write
To let myself think
Of a fuzzy shadow on the wall
As something more important

A CD is as good a bat as any
But nothing beats the kayak paddle
Or the one-hit-wonder bicycle helmet
That decimated the feather duster.

Kindly make your way to the proper place in this queue,
Step forward whoever's next to try their failing luck,
Let me **** up my existence to fit you into my life,
And waste too much of your precious time,
Let me **** myself over you,
Until you move on,
And leave this,
Pathetic,
Soul.

I'm lonely,
Beneath it all,
I'm different,
So different,
From everyone I know,
Few can see past it,
Fewer still can get past it,
To be by my side,
Even for a while,
So I'm lonely,
But for my friends,
My true friends,
And a language.

I hope one day I will be so in love
So enamoured that I cannot help but write to her

That I cannot resist the urge to describe and
Reinterpret my feelings in the most colourful,
Abstract and simple ways.

That I have no choice but to invent
Tales of being together because I cannot
Bear to be without her even for a day.

That I cannot rest for my pen still
Can't quite capture the essence of
My heart's longing for her.

I hope one day I will feel that
But for now, I must write to a girl of my dreams.

My eyes are glaring,
I'm screaming inside,
And broken hopes fill my mind.

My hands are tense,
They're crushing competition,
In imagined fights.

My twisted mind won't stop shaking,
It's bleeding within,
And losing fast.

My rage is building,
Hurts more than it ever had before,
Until it's snapping my soul in two.

My pain I thought had gone returns,
For another round of torturous jeers,
Aimed at myself.

My destiny is uncertain but my anger lives on,
It never leaves through every corner of my life,
Always ready to lash out and destroy anything.

The palms of my hands,
Caught all my tears,
And the tiring skin,
Betrays my fears.

You alone,
May know my skin,
Though my gloves,
Are beckoning.

Hold them then,
And feel me shake,
Don't let me think,
While I lie awake.

I'll let you guide me,
And let you trace,
The footsteps I,
Could never face.

Please pull me free,
With your perfect touch,
And show me how,
To be in love.

I just want the world to go away.
I admit I am weak,
Not 'resilient' enough to cope,
I shouldn't have to cope,
I want to live and love,
And love to live,
But instead I just want it all to go,
Every sound,
Every scent,
The beauty that I crave,
That drives my pen,
I want it gone.
Every essence of this life,
Is hollow,
And echoes around my head,
I just want the world to go away.

Falling flat, straying so far from
Simple, sharper ways.
Still stumbling over broken,
Breaking, brighter days.

Crushing! Curling through me,
Thorns pierce my pining heart!
Blood! Rushing, rising!
Mercy mourns,
While this weathered wretch falls apart.

And yet!
Slowly, softly, though lacking form,
Some sweet sound sleeps despite the storm,
And falls unconscious across my ears,
With whispers, grants golden song of tears,
And leads me into lying, letting,
My senses go.