I always knew it
she never told me up front
or maybe she did
or maybe she pulled a trick
and snuck it in very sneakily

my heart collapses when I think of it
why she has to be that way
the wrong way, I just know it
I always knew it

she sees in black and white
I see blind
she thinks of herself, of me
Of what she knows, of what she thinks
Of what she’s always thought

But it’s wrong, I just know it

We are not so different
yet so much the same
what about the hair, what about the eyes
what about the people, how they live
how they eat, how they feel

because We need to feel
alike
and not so unlike

As to not like
from feeling unlike
is to sour
the bitter dough

it’s how they grew up
it’s how they lived
it’s what they ever knew

But it’s wrong, I just know it

she worries and she’s frightened
that I’ll be wrong in her eyes
but I simply see blind

I can’t erase their childhood
or what they learned and discovered
but I can keep mine
and learn and discover
that the world is too big
for tiny circles and squares,
sorting colors and hairs,
planting statues and stairs
that lead nowhere
but back there

wrong way, I tell you
I just know it

I have to just know it

there was one on the porch

one toppled barrel
with no tough edges
flaunted flawless marks
lid still dancing, alive and well
put to bed

and out it flowed

the darkest matter,
that denied all light
and screeched for shine

which crawled over the boards,
didn’t look back
sunk into the crevasses,
fell for no crack
dripped onto the grass,


and left no stains

for seventeen hours
or one thousand
and twenty minutes


i counted
i made sure


the bottommost right one flickered
unsatisfied with death
fighting with air
stuck in time

the fireman’s lock
aptly named
oh how it teased
a wonder release

the brilliant doors
that showed me myself
yet showed no way
till i ceased to see


for i fail to remember
which I selected
where I wished to be


as i’m frozen in my puddle
and the glaze grows upon my legs
until i fall to the ceiling
and count no more

toxic green coating
cloudy haze for eyes
rotting flesh peeling
death in disguise

stinging putrid scent
fins floating faintly
waiting to ferment
water so lonely

wade in circles

long wait left,

need no hook,

just needs rest

the dolorous pleas
echo through her ears,
like wisps floating
down a canal

the piercing screeches
beset her sanity,
like hounds chewing
through oak doors

their abject tears
drip, whimper,
frozen in the air,
scrambling in descent

many turn their heads,
slice their ears off,
let the blood saturate,
and mute it away

others bind the sight,
the sound, the life,
remove it,
dispatch it, for good

but she,
she knows

and bottles it all up
to show to the world

Slither slither, sly star
Power power, shy tsar
The Moon dances
But all stand still
Stare as it revolts
Against one bitter night
The milky film collapses
The brazen lust erupts
Night is overtaken
The Time is up

Slither slither, sly star
Power power, shy tsar
The Earth rumbles
Mighty but unfree
Poke a needle through
Wince at no regard
Let the juices run
Deep into our veins
Captured fine essence
The Moon is slain

we know of not
empty of meaning

knowledge pursued
no more believing
on graves once more
winner too far late

or it’s untrue
fiddle fame with fate

Names scraped well off
Open for disgust, shun
To spot what’s not



or
to spot what’s there

One silky spring day
in my bare memories
presents few fine crows
perched on light picket posts.


Gilded yet dark,
the birds spoke in shrills.
Had I looked away,
my mind be pure filth.


An orchestra,
all for me.
The hills swayed,
much with the trees.


But time's no fool,
the sky grew death.
A jolt of light,
a new scene set.


How quick it turned,
the blue gone too soon.
But on they went,
with transient tunes.

Yet, after not too long,



The bluster chewed land.
I woke from my glance.



The troupe had no disband.
I feared them with no chance.



Then,

A pale strike it was,
all I can remember.

It slammed its poor body,
so tough, so impishly,
how rough, how inimically.

Its feathers flew,
desperate to escape frightful peace.
Its beak dove down,
an Olympic performance to cease.

And so,
it flew right deep into tender ground.

And what's left of bitter sound,
is all to be ever seen,

yet never found.

the peace is erupted,
as my fellow oak friend,
swings to welcome many.
burden of warmth and joy,
all over my self, and face.

particularly my face,

                a down face—
     a falling down face—
                    a dead face—
         a far too dead face

still meets those fine rays.
yet no makeover,
left in one fine daze,
rife with all new face:
        
     a faced far worse face—
       a face none more face—
         a wished no war face—
a closed the door face.

all to erase, what face.

so, bring back the peace: NO delays.

so, put me to peace: NO more face.

Treat me with your best,
best i've never once had.
Say it to their rest,
I am no longer sad.

still they lack me not,
not as if i was there.
enough they really thought,
i am no longer here.

So I look on more,
more love my rude goodbyes,
the pain, so much sore.
I am well stuck so high.

I finally sit,
Sit on my beaten stool.
Maybe they can fit.
I am well with such cruel.

I breathe once again,
Again I take my life back.
make no mistake, there is but no win.
I am well with all, still none, a hanging track.

too long ago
i looked at my parents
they never looked back.
but i saw inside them

there was nothing to find:


      to believe they were ever young

impossible

      to believe they were ever like me

outrageous

      to believe they were ever different

ridiculous

so how silly was i
to even think such thing
with the answer so clear:
they came to be with me

what was before
  long gone
    vanished
      gradually

so i find the present
now at my feet.
my son, so young
looks up at me

he wonders to me:
were you ever
young before—
like me

so i chuckle
and i smile
and speak so nicely

why son, i am still young
do you not believe.
i am like you
like you are to me

we are the same,
the same same
that can be
  long gone
    vanished
       gradually

how can some thing
so clean
be so *****

that it floods our fears
wakes up our dead
breaks down our minds
and replaces it with dread

a dread that’s but fuel
to sate the hungry
the desperately numb
but worth no money

for we scrub
and scrub

until the skin
peels off our flesh

until the clocks
lose their minute hands

until the ground
quivers to no more

until the clouds
trap too much in

until the lines
turn into just words

until the earth
is just fine dirt

but we can wait
patiently
even with such hurt

all that’s left
of our world
is simply not right

we break a fight
they tear the might
we bear the night
they see no light
we see no height
they take no bite

and when it is
simply all over

the dark cries its call
and we look over
our shoulders

it proclaims to us

afraid of the dark?
see no light?

when it is too stark
simply avoid the sight

the heat scorched holes from my skin
the flesh drips out into lumpy puddles
it is bare, it is clean
they can see right through me now
i am awake, i am defenseless
they scrutinize the desolate cavities
what they find is no surprise
partially alive with no demise

i remember how her diaphanous eyes
pierced my heart
and let the blood run dry

i remember how her delicate warmth
enraptured my body
and coated my fears

i remember how her soft voice
broke my mind
and stole away my tears

   then she forgot

i remember the blade
serrated like a key
twisting and turning
struggling to unlock my life
to set it free, to release it
to take it away
to make it go away

i remember the blood
darker than fetid tar
seeping and flowing
struggling to leave my cistern
to break free, to escape
to exit forever
to never return

   but no

I remember him
lay in his permanent bed
spoke these phrases
thought I was mad
till I saw other faces

still, I know not how
he conversed with me
but I remember
turning ‘round and seeing
one little girl staring at he

dusty apparitions arise
from unsteady tombs
prey on tender light
presage arid doom

vibrant beacons glare
from far-away abodes
speak of missing starlight
dream of once old

murmurs in the darkness
draw to my ears
threaten of a mother
for whom I’ve no fear

I trek
and I trek
and I trek

but an utter
of no discernible source
tells me to turn back
stray off course

i look behind
is that my path?
i look forward
is that my path?

did it all disappear

where is my path
did i have a path
again alone
always been alone
always had no home

why am i here

The sweetest of confectionery,
I swirl among my basin’s waves
The nectar of life’s love,
I embrace for such pain
An effluence of pure ecstasy,
I erupt to merely contain

Such haste, It pervades
The roots run deep, feel no hurt
The streams dig deeper, feel no fire
The thoughts fall deepest, feel no thing
Metallic clouds cover
a kingdom of sand

Not a chasm
Not a prison
Freedom tingles
I feel in every part,
the luxury inside

Yet it stops, I shiver
I drop,
I flop,
all is cold

I look into their eyes,
Empty holes,
speak goodbyes

No joy
None no more

All that lies of me,
is blinding foam,
dripping to the floor

the pedestal rumbles
our light quakes
the rain stumbles
our plight takes

is it gone

too far gone

dream of home
home no more

silence
silence
scream
all is well

it whispers, it pesters, it torments
     I brush, it remains
          I heave, it grows
an ache, an age
     I speak, don’t behave
          no eyes, no future
still, I hate Her