If I were a witch; I'd cast a spell,
And put an end to lies men tell.
I wouldn't enchant their ****** nose,
But the place from where ***** flows.
I'd raise my wand, purse my lips,
And call the World to witness this,

"When men lie without a flinch
Their ***** shall shorten by an inch
And if they try to spin a tale
Their ***** shall, decrease in scale
And if they raise a deceitful stink
Lo and behold, their **** will shrink
Every time they make up lies
Their ***** will contract in size"

Making a molehill out of a mountain,
Will affect their natural fountain.

And planet Venus in the sky will look bigger than the ***** in their fly.

They will have to altogether give up lying if they don’t want their manhood dying

I sense those cunning eyes,
hidden beneath a mask of lies.
I shudder at your menacing grin,'
that outwardly covers your sin.
A sin you claim to have forgotten,
has resurfaced and made every memory rotten
O, tell me my merciless friend,
whom does your conscience defend?
You, who were supposedly smart,
does your soul not confront your heart?
How could you wrench out my heart
when our relationship was about to start?
You are like every other bloke,
you've treated my feelings like a joke
Did my thought not cross your mind,
did your better sense turn blind?
What did you fall for? her looks? her charms?
What were you thinking, when you took her in your arms?
Did you not realize you were breaking my trust,
with your momentary lapse of lust?
when you took off your shirt?
Did you realize I would be hurt,
Do you believe in karma? I know I do,
and I'm sure someday it will get you.
You have ripped out my heart, with your claws,
You have chewed my between your jaws,
you have crushed me beneath your paws,
With your act of deceit,
You heartless cheat,
You have won, I've lost, I face defeat.

I am seated atop a salon chair,
Come hither merciless thread,
And rip out my upper lip hair,
Until my skin turns crimson red.
Pluck it all out,
From the corners of my mouth,
To the point below my nose,
While I hold a sturdy pose,
Or display a duck-faced pout.
Pluck it out from below my chin,
pierce all areas of my skin,
Shape my eyebrows; overgrown,
show the world, parts of my face they've never known.
Be a good thread and shred,
All unruly growth off my face,
Before it grows and spreads all over the place.

When you're old, weary,
forgetful and dreary,
your grandchild will sit on your lap,
And insists you narrate your story,
before he goes for a nap.
Perch that kid atop your knee,
and tell him your delightful story.

Tell him how you studied biology,
And the science of the body,
And the wonders of economics,
And how to make accounts tally,
Bore him silly with math rules,
And crap you picked up in schools,
how algebra helped you land a job,
And physics helped you convince a mob,
On your first date,
You dined with your certificate ,
And all those sums in calculus,
Helped you during your first kiss,
How law helped you win your wife,
And grammar stopped you from taking your life,
when your spouse and you fought,
accounting rules sorted it out,
Tell him when down on your knees,
You were uplifted by degrees,
When overcome with emotions,
You narrated equations,
Tell him when nights got colder,
Geography gave you its shoulder,
Tell him medicine cures all aches
Including the vacuum of heartbreaks,
And when you're dead in your grave,
And flesh is turning to bone,
While placing flowers at your tombstone,
The Income tax laws will mourn.

To maintain peace and sound reflexes,
Sever every possible type of nexus,
With ex’s friends & friends exes,
Regardless of their ***'s,
Above all, consider your cerebral plexus,
And know that wounds get infectious,
If unhealthy connections are maintained with one’s own exes.

I watch the prom Dance,
In an awkward stance,
my friends walk in with dates,
and the excitement Abates.
Alone in a corner,
I mope like a mourner,
With no partner to dance with,
No gentleman to prance with.
Amidst the mirth and cheers,
My eyes fill up with tears.

I rush out into the open air,
And by Jove! I see Voltaire!
With his satirical charms,
He draws me in his arms.
As I sway to the beats,
I'm waltzing with Keats.
Causing my funny bone to arouse,
Enters P.G.  Wodehouse!
Using nonchalant wittiness,
He acknowledges my prettiness.
And then walks in Shakespeare,
Who  wipes away my tear,
And my senses curdle like curds,
As he showers me with words.
While I repress the excited child,
I'm swaying with Oscar Wilde.
I'm rendered helplessly mute,
With his phrases so astute.
With a proposal so verse-y,
I'm serenaded by Shelly  B. Percy.
And before this fantasy can spoil,
I fox trot with  Conan Doyle.

And thus literally seduced,
into putty I'm reduced.
I am platonic-ally smitten,
By the genius of what they've written.
The dating circus can’t make me cry,
because a host of paramours have I.

We've heard of a woman's grace,
And romantic fables of her charm.
But delve beneath the surface,
And stir waters outwardly calm.

A woman, if pleased is divine
And will do plenty to prove her grace.
when angry she'll turn serpentine
And descend like a meteor from space.

She’ll be sarcasm personified,
Every sentence riddled with a taunt.
You’ll be slandered and vilified,
And derided as shabby & gaunt.

When pleased she’ll be friendly and chatty
And lure you to reveal your fears.
But soon she’ll turn vile and catty,
And delight in your failures.

She won't leave a chance to ridicule
And bring up things you’d rather forget.
She will attack with every feminine tool,
And force you to mull and regret.

And when you've had enough of her satire
And try to give her a piece of your mind,
She will breathe out tons of fire,
And to crisp she'll burn your behind.

So don't **** a woman to show
Her ****** and vindictive side
Be a gentleman if you don't want to know
That Far from being Jekyll, she's Mr. Hyde