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Nathan Squiers Oct 2014
In the walls and under the floors.
They creep.
Up the stairs and through the doors.
They creep.

In the forest or in the street.
They creep.
Padding along on silent feet.
They creep.

They’re the scourge of all dreams;
The source of all screams.
They flourish from our pain.
These terrible frights
That plague all our nights.
They’ll leave you completely insane.

They’re the thoughts that make you tick.
That make you fret;
That’s their trick.

They’re the scourge of all dreams;
The source of all screams.
They flourish from our pain.
These terrible frights,
That plague all our nights.
They’ve driven us insane.

They creep
They creep
They creep
They…
Another of the songs/lyrics I wrote for the first book of the Death Metal series.
Nathan Squiers Oct 2014
"Life's too short," they say,
Much like a haiku, I guess,
Just shorter...
Something to consider.
Nathan Squiers Oct 2014
You may not know me, but I want you to.
It's not vanity; I'm just warning you:
My life's a party, but there's pity too.
'Cuz I've been naughty, and the victim's you.

You see, it's a sea of blood rising to the ceiling
--see me there kneeling?--
Your heads reeling and a-reeling,
But you still think I'm so appealing,
'Cuz the feelings
I've got you feeling
feel like something
from a time that
feels like sometime
back when you used to bask in the sunshine...

BUT IN MY HEAD IT'S NIGHTTIME
And the sun sets in mine, too

You may not like me, and I don't want you to;
Though you know you do!
Your hate sustains me, and that brings pains to you;
You know it's true!
My life's an ****, and I'll ******* too;
But not like you want me to!
'Cuz the world's my plaything; and I'll break on through;
With or without you!

It's high-time for a time rift
--a thrift rhyme in a prime shift--
When my crimes make for signs
in the prized eyes of the beast inside.

Check the hour--see my power--as
you come to grips with what rips
you from the inside-out.

Your eyes drop to your watch...
and you watch eyes drop back.

Yes, I'm a monster; not just a spawned cur,
Not 'cause I'm a murderous beast--
not just that, at least--
But because I can see the beast in you,
Then coax it through.
I'm a loner, sure, but to endure eternity alone?
I'd rather spur a fellow cur; to breed more monsters!

And leave the zombified husks in the dirt.

You ask if I'm a monster.
Have you killed?
A ton, sure!
But show me one who hasn't.

It's unpleasant to say the least,
To admit that we're all beasts,
But which one of you has not entertained a murderous thought?
You see that sea of blood
--feel the feelings rising up--
And you dream of all the ways you'd just love to make them scream.

But they were only thoughts, sir! Surely I'm no monster!
Ah, but is harboring the thoughts so much more pure?

The thought's a plot from A-to-C; not felony,
but still... you see?
You see yourself from A-to-C--it's not insanity--
It's humanity; the monster lives inside of WE.
And the scene at C's the essence that they need to breath.

The C-scene you're seein's keepin' you sane, see?

Sure it's off track, but there's no denying solid fact.
It's not wrong to sing along with what's keeping you intact.
Say it with me now:
**I'm a monster.
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
I'm sure you're out there hating all that I have become,
Cursing me and memories of all the things I've done.
I'm sure you're out there wallowing in the depths of I-don't-care-where,
I'm even sure you're chanting that all of it was unfair.
And while I don't feel I owe you a single wasted breath,
Allow me now to tell you how I came to bring you death:

As your lapdog I felt compelled to take you in my jaws,
And as your partner I was shackled by all those grueling laws.
As your master I was bored by every tear you ever shed,
But as your killer I was tickled by just how much you bled.
Can you see it now--should sight allow--what I never could foresee?
That only once, my tortured dunce, could you bleed enough for me.

I may spot you in the ether of the world not quite our own,
And you may ache to see that I have found myself alone.
However...
I've taken many others in the time that you've been gone;
Many who have served me well, so very few withdrawn.
These things aren't said to anger you, but just to give me peace.
I truly hate to plague my mind when my property decease.
Whatever.

As a mistress I was driven to see you beneath my boot,
And as an equal you were never intellectually astute.
As a servant you were lacking in the class that I demand,
And as a pet you oft ignored the rule of the feeding hand.
Through it all--'tween rise and fall--there was the alpha-sin, you see,
Because, darling, though I love you so, you didn't bleed enough for me.
I've always been rather intrigued by stories that were told from the point of view of the villain (or at least what most would consider the villain to be). Every now and again the urge to toggle this perception and offer a unique and rarely utilized narrative device. Earlier, I was enjoying some music by the German synth-metal band "Oomph!" and was motivated by one particular line (that pretty much directly motivated the title herein).

I hope you enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
"Let me make one thing clear, hombre," The Suited Man spoke in a low, purposeful voice as he rolled a cigarette, wetting the corners with a serpentine tongue a moment before passing it over his upper lip, "I have watched--with great joy, I might add--the nature of death." Then, pursing the cylinder between his teeth and offering a wicked grin, he punctuated his upcoming point with an audible flick of his lighter. Exhaling a pungent cloud in my face, he rapped his left ring finger across the length. "Everything is aware of its mortality; everything. The rich, the poor, the holy and the sinners; the birds, the ***** bees, all those saved whales and every single one of the hugged trees. Every squirming, writhing, wiggling, wicked little creeper and crawler that has ever existed and may ever hope to exist... all of them. Even the ******* atoms in the air! All things know that they're doomed--it's why even the single-celled beings have all those defense mechanisms; all those..." he smirked, flicking an ash, "adaptations, yes?--and yet, from the massive to the miniscule, none of them face their mortality with near the greed nor the total lack of grace as your kind. You've known since you were a wee lad that you'd die, hombre, so why resent it now; why fight for more time? Another hour; another day--hell, I could hand you a written guarantee that you'd have another decade to do whatever you wanted..." he shook his head and pulled the cigarette from his mouth to flick the growing ash and admire the ghostly trail that ascended to the mist-swirling ceiling fan. As the contemplative moment passed, he returned the cigarette to his mouth and leaned closer to me, bringing his cold, black eyes so close to my own that my vision knew nothing more. "What would that decade mean to you? For me it is nothing--those like me do not worry much about trivial human fictions such as time and... well, all of this"--he waved about the room with his index finger--"So I hope you'll forgive my skepticism; understand that it's just my ignorance to your pervasively infantile beliefs." He rattled three of his bony fingers on his jutted chin, "Tell me why I should sympathize with your plight over all others who have pleaded with me before you. Explain, if you'd be so bold, why I should adopt your urgency as my own."

It took me some time to find my voice. Between the smell of his herb--something that, in all my years of debauchery and romances, I'd never encountered--and the fierceness of his presence, there was a sort of little death that had wormed its way into my thoughts. I fought to sit up, but did not have the strength. I struggled to clear my throat, but could not command my lungs to work as I wanted. I worked to wet my own lips, cursing the dryness of my dated mouth. Finally, I gave up; succumbing to the reality that my body was useless for the soul occupying it. There was nothing left of me but my wits, and it was my wits that I needed now more than anything.

I shut my eyes against his overwhelming stare.

I held my breath against his foreboding aroma.

And I let the soul say what it needed to say:

"Let me make one thing perfectly clear, good sir," the voice I heard barely sounded like my own, "I have watched--with utter disdain, I'll admit--the passing of life. I believe you when you say that everything knows it will die, and I also believe that almost everything deserves to die. Not because almost everything is wicked or evil, nor because I feel some contempt or hatred towards almost everything. As I lay here I'm certain there are many eager to see me go, and I not only respect their right to feel that way," my lungs abandoned my speech's momentum and I paused to take a rasped inhale, "but I agree that I deserve the mortality that's haunting me."

"Do you understand you've already wasted more of my time than I typically allow?" The Suited Man asked, aiming his pointer and middle fingers--and the smoking cigarette pinched between them--in my direction.

I nodded, finding strength enough to hold up my hand; silently begging for a moment longer. "Please, I won't be much longer... and once I'm finished, I'll accept whatever fate you decide with dignity."

The Suited Man chortled at that, "And silence, I hope."

"Yes," I sighed, "and that." With my company motioning for me to continue, I succumbed to the voice of the soul: "You deal in death, so you must have seen enough to know that, while those like you care little for time, it is what defines all those who perish. What, if not those minutes, those hours, those days, years, and decades, are we to value? You deal in death, so I can't ask you to understand why we fight to live. To you, a book is not worth reading because it has an end, and that end represents a lack of substance; but that book, like each and every soul, has a story to tell. And the only thing greater than the limited time each and every soul has is the stories we leave behind."

The Suited Main rolled his black eyes and flicked another looming tendril of ash, "You bore me with your rant, hombre, and my smoke, like you, is running out of life. Get to the point or accept mine." He took in a rattled breath to fuel a dark and hollow voice, "Why should I let you live?"

"Stories are the most important thing for anything that fears death, good sir," I fought my growing aches to move my hand to the stack of papers at my left; the stack perched blissfully beside my old, dusty typewriter. Patting the pages--taking a certain satisfaction in the nostalgic feel of the stock I'd long since grown loyal with--I cocked by quaking skull towards the desk and its contents. "And while I await the day you'll finally escort me from my desk, there's a story that I've yet to finish."

The Suited Man narrowed his black gaze at me--the two orbs shimmering like obsidian beneath his timeless lids--before the glow of his pupils shifted to the desk for a long, tortured moment. Without looking away from the stack I still rested my hand upon, he returned the dwindling cigarette to his lips and inhaled before letting out a long stream of smoke.

Though I didn't see him stand, he was on his feet then. I took in his height with the same terrified awe that I'd received the rest of him--his sudden appearance in my late husband's chair across the room; his impeccable awareness, or my unwavering understanding of his purposes; everything that made him who and what he was--and allowed him to continue his long, tortured moment in gazing at the desk that had, just as much as the hours and days and years, come to define my life.

Then he was gone; him, his smoke, and the terror he radiated.

Letting out a labored breath, I struggled to turn towards my desk, trying to recall where I'd left off in my manuscript. As I settled in, I caught sight of a clean page secured in the feed of the typewriter with the only evidence that I hadn't been alone:

"YOU HAVE YOUR DECADE, HOMBRE. SPEND IT WELL, AND SAVE ME A COPY OF YOUR STORY."
Not really a poem in the traditional sense, but the overall theme was more poetic so I figured all you lovely HP folks would appreciate a little more ;-)

Hope y'all enjoy ^_^
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
In this world I cannot hide;
All the monsters are inside,
And they eat me alive...
But I survive--yea, I get another day--
To see all the ways I terrified,
And victimized (it's in their eyes),
In my haste to survive...
Yea, I get another day...
Another day to waste away
So I can claim my own today,
When there's no two ways to say today
That I'm no further than I was yesterday.
The monsters inside who live to prey
Are praying I'll plea for another day;
They're laughing--they're jeering--when I say,
That I'll treat their gift some other way...
They laugh and jive while I'm eaten alive,
Because it's my self-deceit on which they thrive.
They wait inside--I cringe and hide--
And swear that my new day will be new.
But we both know it's not true...
Yea, I get another day...
Another day to waste away on ways to stay;
Ways to stay away from just another day.
So I tell them now--I tell them how--
I'll be someone different...
How I'll strive further,
Push harder.
How I'll love myself like my mother--
How I'll show truer love to others--
And feel a greater bond with everyone and everything...
Yea, I'll tell them the same old thing;
A regular circus; all three rings...
A jester I digest to puke up lies just to justify
Why I somehow deserve another day alive...
Yea, I get another day in this world
From which I cannot hide,
Because the monsters I blame--the monsters inside--
Are just pieces of me consumed by pride.
So what outlet do I have from me?
What chance is there for dignity when all of me
Hungers for misery from the rest of me?
It's those parts of me that haunt me--
What the **** do I want from me?!--
... ... ...
... ...
...
Unless it's not to be in misery.
Unless it's not in me to berate me,
But, instead, to motivate me; liberate me.
What if the monsters in me are torturing me,
So that the lies I feed them become reality?
It's not deceit, I see; it's the truths in me
that push me to push me each day, I see.
Just one more day...
I see.
Because it's in this world I cannot hide,
That I've been hidden to who I am inside;
Hidden from the oaths that I commit,
Just to waste away and then forfeit.
Just one more day...
I've been begging--feeding--for another day; another bore.
But now I'll beg and feed for something greater; something more:
Another day.
So I'd recently fallen into a rather deep depression that ate up a few of my days with a bunch of stupid, morbid questions that, to be blunt, I'd already answered to myself years ago.

But that's sort of what the whole clinical thing is, ain't it: being snagged in a self-inflicted mental net over and over while you feel yourself and others staring in thinking "The hell is wrong with this person?"

Well, I finally pulled myself out of it (with the help of some truly awesome support from my colleagues and readers <3 ) and I've decided to focus more time and effort on my writing.

So here's a fresh-from-depression poem. I'll also be sharing a bunch of new content on my FB author page at https://www.facebook.com/Nathan.Squiers (including updates on the book-to-movie process for my Crimson Shadow series). Many thanks for all the support & comments from my HP peeps; I do what I do 'cuz y'all keep me motivated.

Much love <3
Nathan Squiers Sep 2014
The Rise: powerful.
A great reminder of self.
Reflection of Fall.
Don't let it hold; not today.
Please, just keep going.
Propulsion: drive to break free;
Free of the Fall's grip--
Freedom for another day--
And another Rise.
Momentum: back in the game.
The cycle renews.
Driven back to the top now.
Unstoppable now;
Greater than ever before!
Rise above it all.
Look down, laugh; never again.
This Rise is THE Rise!
Never falter; never fall!
No, never again!
Not now that there's--a new doubt:
Just the potential...
Just the possibility...
Momentum plateaus--
It was too good to be true--
Momentum fading.
Should have learned from the last fall;
Should have known better.
Momentum's lost now,
Don't let this Fall be the last.
Reflection of Rise:
Let it hold; another day--
Please, just one more day.
The Fall: unavoidable...
The Rise: powerful.
Gotta figure it feels like this for everyone at some point or another; more often for the bipolar ones, though.

For all my fellow fighters: don't stop. Ever!
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