i just need a sign,
a hint or a word,
confirming or denying,
your feelings,
for my heart,
cannot take it any longer.

the way you call,
to see if i still get jealous,
to see if i still like you,
then run to someone else,
breaks what was once,
my heart.

but no one once,
had what they lacked,
and for me,
that was love.

my unsaid words to you,
could fill a hundred paged book,
perhaps even a trilogy.

barefoot i wandered,
in every street,
we once stood.

barefoot i stepped,
over the glass you broke,
just like my heart.

barefoot i cried,
not because of the pain in my feet,
but because of my pained heart.

you called me,
i felt nothing,
nothing feels anymore,
and the terryifing part?
i don't think it's you.

your rejection,
cut through my heart,
like a sword.

i don't mind what you said,
just the wording,
could've been better.

your eyes,
make me want to stay,
forever.

they speak to me,
in a language i understand,
do you feel it too?

she seems nice,
you finally found her,
after all.

you called her your soulmate,
wasn't i yours,
or do souls,
change too.

she's everything i'm not,
while that doesn't mean,
i'm any less than her,
then why does it feel,
so much like it.

you read out loud,
the words i so wanted to hear,
and i imagined it was me,
for the two minutes you read,
but in reality,
you were trying to get her back,
with my opinion,
and it felt like nothing.

i started my journey full,
through all that keeps happening,
i am nothing but emptiness,
of self loathe and painful quietness.

i still love you.
i just never said it out loud.

i went on a date,
with someone who's not you,
i felt sick to my stomach,
am i a monster,
or did you make me one.

i do not miss you,
i just miss who i was,
with you.

i don't miss,
i don't love,
i don't hate,
i don't feel,
i'm barely existing.

sorry to your heart,
sorry to your time,
sorry to all i've wasted,
attempting to be available.

you know it's bad,
when i listen to the voice,
of the unknown,
to calm me down.

is the future,
as terrifying,
as it appears.

enough with puzzles,
if you feel what i feel,
please let me know.

if you do not,
let me know,
i promise i would understand.

tell me,
what we are,
i am losing my mind.

every word i've written,
about you or not you in here,
is to force myself to feel.

in the passenger seat,
the driver's seat is empty,
i'm lost.

i lost all senses,
can someone please,
tell me how i should feel.

maybe
just maybe,
if i said i loved you too that day,
things would've turned out different.

it hurts how you don't even count me,
as someone you had,
or as someone who had you.

everything hurts,
and i'm not sure i can,
feel any of it.

i have become immune to feelings and it hurts so bad to the point it doesn't.

i cut my hair,
really short,
and i did it,
not because i want to,
but to feel something.


spoiler alert,
i felt nothing again.

i'm okay,
with not having a relationship,
i'm just not okay,
with having false hopes,
of what we never were.

i am okay,
just not the okay,
everyone else is.

if only you had met me,
when i was me,
we would've been,
something.

my silence is killing me,
but i have to know,
how far you're willing to go,
for me,
and it appears to me,
bright and clear,
you'd do nothing.

when a heart beats for love,
the mouth will never tell,
them three words.

the writer in me,
is just as bad,
as me.

two hearts,
each beating for one another,
yet neither,
uttering a word.

you looked sad,
when you saw me cry,
you wiped my tears.

now tell me,
what would you do,
if you found out.

the tears in my eyes,
screamed your name,
loud and clear.

i don't know,
why is it so hard,
to call you.

will it all be okay as they all say?

you said you'd wait for me,
because you don't want anyone else,
now that we spoke,
will you still wait?

each time,
i fall again,
i remind myself,
keep your head up,
we have been through worse.