Sometimes I wish I were dead
Locked in a wooden cage and buried six feet under
Just so I wouldn't have to feel.
Or deal with the reality before me
Sometimes I wish my heart could be ripped out &
shattered to pieces before my eyes
To reflect the shattering I feel on the inside.
Sometimes I wish I would stop feeling...

These tears that fall
Are seen as a sign of weakness
But what these tears are
Are a testament of hardships;
Of trying times only the Bravest could survive

These tears
Are a reflection of the open wounds
that still pulsate
Desiring care and healing
But are instead seared open,
& made to bleed all over again.
          Welcome to my heart...*                      

*#BlueRain
2017

My head went quiet
all the feelings that I have ever felt were ******* in a knot
and all I had to do was untie it.
gripping on thread by thread
as the tension built up
so did the thoughts in my head

I ride that never ending wave.
Seek for that once in a life time swell.
Surf like the shore ain't coming ahead.
And crash, drowned in an ocean full of spell.

You came to me like a storm.
That's how I know this love is just a metaphor.

You will only realize
That the moon shines
At its brightest
In the darkest of times
You will only know
That the moon falls everyday
To rise at its peak every night
--
That's the beauty of every downfall. You will rise.

Mediating throughout my body is a shivering cold, the winter is here and snowfall is now of old, yet I continue shaking in a blindfold.

Wandering aimlessly in these woods of life,
trying to fixate and aim and not ***** the competing wildlife.

My one chance to make it in this forest,
I must listen as though I am this woods leading aurist.

All of this preparation for one shot at a "happy life",
a cookie-cutter form of "what to do" with your knife.

As a twig snaps beneath me and all is spooked I suddenly realize,
I now hypothesize that I must revolutionize my own "happy life"

I sprint through from and away the woods without a second of regret or care of the startling noise I paraded through these sacred woods, the bright moon leading me to all that I wanted...happiness.