“why is it you flit about so?”
said the tree to the sparrow
“i want to touch the sun”
she replied
“touch the sun? but, can’t you feel it?”
the tree queried
“it’s light filters through my leaves.
where are your leaves that you cannot feel the sun?”
he enquired
the sparrow, much perplexed,
hopped from foot to foot
“leaves?” she asked
“all I feel is the wind in my feathers”

the tree sighed
“ahh, the wind is such a reckless friend”
“how do you mean?” exclaimed the sparrow,
taken aback by the tree’s groundless claim
“the wind is a steadfast friend.
without the wind, I tumble”

his leaves rustled
“for such a flighty creature as you,
a flighty friend is not so alarming”
the tree murmured

the sparrow, insulted, fluttered
into the flickering wind

and she tumbled.

6 months
23 different treatments
15 different medicines
nothing, nada, nope, no results.

The pain in my head
is not one I'd ever wish on anyone,
not even my worst enemy.

A migraine
every second
of
every day
even while sleeping
is something no one should endure

I dream about headaches... is that weird?

ouch. agh. ugh.
it's been 6 months, non-stop of people saying:
"time is the best medicine"
"don't lose hope"
"you're young, young minds heal fast."
but my favorite:
"Laila, I promise, you'll be better in a week"

Well doc, it's been 23 weeks, what's up?

honestly,
it's now a joking matter.
one of which I laugh with my friends about
I laugh at the fact that I don't remember 95% of the last 6 months
Not because I find it humorous
but because I've been given 23 different "Laila, I'm telling you this "insert treatment here" will work! It works for 99% of the people that do it."

I am the 1%
ha.
actually, I'm in the .25% of teens still experiencing concussion- related symptoms after 6 months of the hit.
Yay for minorities!

and now,
get this,
my treatment
after spending thousands on hyperbaric chambers, freaky boulderite "healing gods", gag-worthy chinese herbs
is yoga.

It's finally summer,
But I miss the snow.
It feels like a big ******,
And that's why I want you to know, that I miss the snow.
I miss making snow angels and snowmen, because I miss the snow.
And now there's none of that, and what to do?
I don't know. Because I miss the snow.
And I'll have you know, that the snow is all I know.

I saw two birds today
Though only one was real
The other was in my window sill
Fluttering its bright yellow wings
And clenching its paper talons.
It had two heads, but only one spoke,
Calling out my name.
It must have been the bird,
Or was it me?

Don't
Tell me to be strong
The pressure on me
The expectations of me
Tear me
Apart

I try to stand
And yet I keep
Slipping
      Down
           Down
                Down

All I can hear is
"Be perfect"
"Be smart"
Be..be...be...
Know...know...know...
Know everything.

How can I know everything
When I barely know
Myself.

Can you really see everything?
If I laid myself in front of you, would you know?
Could you reach out to grab my heart,
Or only grasp what was meant to be shown?

Can you really see everything?
If I stood beside you, could you tell?
Could you place your tender hands upon mine,
Or only cover what wasn’t hidden well?  

Can you really see everything?
If I presented my last breath to you, would you grieve?
Is everything shown before you what must be true,
Or is that what the world wants you to believe.

In the dark, we are all nothing.
What once had an identity, now only what remains.
We are only something when the light chooses to show us,  
Without it, we are just part of the unknown, we are all the same.

So tell me now, can you really see everything?

Flash a smile
Or fake a laugh
And move on forward
Because it will all be in the past;
Someday.
Someway.
Somehow.
Before it's too late
And your emotions get the best of you
And your head stops spinning
From all of the thoughts that they fill it with
And the pain you can't hide
Anymore.
Without the evidence on your sleeves
How is anyone supposed to believe
That you're a mess on the inside of your head
And out?