I should be happy.

I have
Miles to go in life,
Moments to look forward to,
Millions of people to meet with,
Marvelous books to read,
Movies to watch,
Music to groove to,
Masterpieces to make and
Much friends that really
Make me happy.
Yet I am not.
My mind wonders why.

your words get lost in the
tangled web of my hair
sticky wet from tears and sea

At age 7, I was guilty
when I accepted an invitation
to go into the apartment of a neighbor
He smelled of beer as he groped me.

At age 10, I was guilty
when I walked home too late
because I missed the train
He popped out of the bushes
exposing himself.

At age 12, I was guilty
when my uncle forced
tongue into my mouth
because I could not
get away.

At age 14, I was guilty
when my uncle forced
me to sit on his lap
while in my bathing suit
and I ran away from home.

At age 16, I was guilty
when my uncle convinced
everyone that I was a liar
and I quit school.

At age 18, I was guilty
when I gave birth to
my first child,
because I was ignorant.

At age 20, I was guilty
when I saw the cardiologist
in the reflection of a lamp
*******  and the
police laughed at my report.

At age 30, I was guilty
when my employer
trapped me in the elevator
to ***** me, because I
was his subserviant.

At age 36, I was guilty
when I earned jujitsu honors
but risked going to jail
for defending myself.

At age 70, I was guilty
when a neighbor brought
me fruit and grabbed my
breast, because I was alone.

At age 72, I am guilty
of being a ferule woman
for 50 years and for
NOT be silent!

i've been flirting with death for too long
and my heart aches for him to take my hand
for his marks already linger at my wrist
so the least he could do is hold them

s.s

When I loved you, you were April mornings and bagels with extra cream cheese.
When I lost you, you were untouched cups of coffee, growing colder and stale through the day.

When I loved you, there was muddy shoes and shortcuts off the main road,
When I lost you, I wandered around trying to find my way back to the trail head.

When I loved you I was younger, I was lost, my hair was longer and thicker, and my heart was lighter. I slept with lights on and drank my coffee with more cream,,
When I lost you I thought that was the end. I thought that the world around me had stopped spinning and I cried for nights upon nights and lost 10 pounds because I couldn't eat my food.

When I loved you I thought that I was happy,
When I lost you I realized that I had never really been that happy.

When I loved you I learned about forgiveness, patience, and how to care about someone.
When I lost you I learned about acceptance, solidity, and how to care about myself.

When I loved you I thought the world looked brighter and grass didn't itch the same.
When I lost you I saw that they sky has always been the same, and grass will grow in unexpected places.

When I loved you, I thought it would be forever. We were so young and wanted so much from each other.
When I lost you, and long long after I lost you, I realized how easy it is for things to change, and how these things won't break you.
& I do still love you (in memory)

We are made of bones and muscle and water,
And I don't want to remember the last time that you held her,

Her bones too heavy for her weightless frame, as she mopped up your sins and took all the blame.

Us humans, we're made out of atoms and star dust,
Slowly sinking to hell through the dirt of the earths crust.
And you can walk through the flames alone if you must,
And you can dress yourself in metal and wait til you rust,
You can spit accusations until you feel you're just,

Tomorrow a train will pull into a station, and a man on an altar will make his declaration,
And tell her he loves her and tell her he cares, and then the same night take her sister downstairs,

And where is the moon when the sea needs it's tide? It stays right in sight with no place to hide. No need to assure, it will rise in time.

We are made out of passion and ******* and lies,
And we kiss our mothers before we open our thighs
And we put our heads in hands to muffle our cries


Your morning coffee tastes bitter in the afternoon,
And you always leave my bed too soon.

I'm made out of ashes and you're made out of flames
And when the dust settles, we are quite the same.
And I know what it means to be brave when I say your name.