I bet your tears,
Those little tears I say I don’t want you to shed,
I bet they taste like honey and sunshine and validation,
When they’re for me and nobody else.

The way your eyes crinkle,
When you smile,
Hiding those hazel greens.

The way you look at me,
Even when you think I’m not,
Looking right back at you.

The way you smile,
When I call you an idiot,
You know it means I love you.

The way you come back,
Make me your only constant,
As you are mine as well.

The way you make me cry,
With such intensity,
That I think I will never breathe again.

The way you hesitated,
I could feel the tautness,
When we hugged,
You wanted to lift me up.

The way your arms,
Always have and always will,
Feel like home,
Like a bottle of water after a run.

The way you make me fall in love with you in every single way,
A thousand little universes,
All based on the things about you that I adore.

I woke up today,
Wishing I hadn’t.

I am a nuisance,
On those I love.

Annoying,
Forgetful,
Replaceable,
Uninteresting,
Clingy.

You complete me.

I’m broken; you don’t want me.

How can I miss someone,
Miss them so much,
and never have been in their presence before?

I wonder how our first hug will feel,
Or even smell?
Will it leave a trace of you behind,
Just to call my own?

Stony figures,
Slip through my fingers,
Much like a summer day,
Too fluid and fast to hold on to,
To keep up with

When I was one,
I was exposed to drugs,
Alcohol,

When I was two,
I was exposed to abuse,
And found out what it felt like,
For daddy to kick you,

When I was three,
I saw my first ******,
And somehow knew,
How it was used,

When I was four,
I was exposed to *******,
Pages tucked under the couch,
In the cabinets,

When I was five,
I was exposed to molestation,
Under the covers,
With someone who claimed,
That I was like a sister,

When I was six,
I was exposed to divorce,
And was happy that mommy,
Would finally be happy,
Without daddy,
And I met the man that I,
And my brothers,
think of as Dad.

Holding with thirsty desperation,
Breathing long, deep breaths,
Loving with such dedicated conviction,
Kissing with such passionate love,
Soft as feathers,
Rough as sandpaper.

ria

Friendship,
A funny thing,
A happy thing,
A warm thing.

A thing that people yearn for,
Wish for,
Have a need for.

When you make a friend,
You get a warm, drunk feeling in the pit of your stomach,
A feeling that makes you feel dizzy, happy.

I am thankful for my friends,
the ones that love me,
Are there for me,
Miss me,
Care about me..

I am thankful,
For the short girl with the colorful hair and crazy personality,
For the tall brunette boy that keeps crashing and never stops caring,
For the woman who is my hero....

I love you so ******* much.
Never forget.

ria

When I was a little girl,
My daddy said he loved me,
But when he drank,
He would tell me to get the **** away,
And hit me and my brothers,

When I got a little older,
He stopped hitting me,
Especially at our weekend visits,
Because he knew I would tell,

But he still hit my brothers,
And later even my sisters,
But he talked down to me,
And always drank,

He said he loved me,
At the end of the day,
He'd even hold me when I slept,
Or give me medicine when I got sick,

But if he loved me,
And mommy,
And Boo,
And Bubba,
And Seren,
And Kiki........
He wouldn't change all the time,
And he wouldn't have hit us..

He treated us like property,
Like he owned us,
And everyone breaks their toys at one point,
Now,
Don't they?

You cannot love an object,
You cannot love your toys,
You cannot love your property,

I say I do not love him,
I say I want him gone,
But even though I see my step-dad as my father,
All I ever wanted was for my daddy to love me back,
To truly love me,
And treat us like family,
Not his objects,

Now,
I do not care,
I truly do not care,
I accept his existence,
I do not love him,
As my father,
But deep down,
I'll always love the good times,
The fake thought of his fatherhood,
But I love my step father,
I enjoy his existence,
He is my true

You cannot love your property....

cdh

He stumbles through the door,
I take a kick to the chest,
And a yell,
That I'm worthless and to get the **** away,

I back away,
thinking it was my fault,
slinking to my mother,

I get in the car,
Not knowing what was in store,
Or how long I would really be apart from my hero,
I thought it would just be 2 weeks,
I was wrong,

My daddy comes home from prison,
I had forgotten the things from before,
And I hug him and kiss him,
I missed him,
He smiles and returns my affections,

I look at the woman,
Round and thick,
Jolly, if you please,
And slink behind my "hero",
He tells us it's ok,

We meet our soon-to-be-siblings,
Hugging,
Smiling,
Bonding,

The young one touches too much,
when nobody's around,

My daddy stops letting mommy,
see us,
talk to us,

How long has it been?
I miss my mommy...

Some people came,
He told us to lie,
Or else,
and we do,
They break the rules,

He tells us mommy's dead,
He killed her,
She's in the attic,
I start to cry and ask why,
He answers that she was a *****,

Cops come a week later,
Everyone's screaming,
Holding,
Hiding,
I don't,
I want them to take us,

They take us up the road,
They let me sit in the front,
And press the buttons,
To the station we go,
To the back,

I see someone,
By a white bmw,
Smiling,
Mommy,
I start to cry,
laughing,

I jolted out of the car,
Letting my little brother out,
Running to my real hero,
She saved us from the man that fooled us all,

I am grateful,
I am thankful,
I am happy,


Mom,
It's been 7 years since that day,
We were away from you for a year,
We were all lied to,
Including you,
But I want you to know that Korey was never "Hero",
You were always our hero,
Conner,
Christian,
Me,
I love you,
and we will always be your babies.

cdh