The touch of God
Has not blessed me
Instead, the touch has
Led me astray and troubled
My mind to the point of
Losing hope.
My feelings are in the
Recycling bin and
God has pressed the button
To empty it.
God has given me hands that
Are all too willing to
Hurt myself and those
Around me.
My destructive hands take
Knives to my throat and
The brain God gave me
Whispers bitter thoughts
That make my face pucker
From their sour taste.
This is the only way I
Know how to feel
And God has made me
Numb.
So if God has
Made me such a sin
Then how can you say
That he loves me?
How can you say
I have something to live for?

My soul oozes
Out from the sores
On my skin
I dug for myself and
Latches on to the holes
In my veins
Like poison from venomous
Snakes. And
I can't stop it from
Going straight to my brain
And heart.
I don't see a point
In taking chances on things.
I can't ******* see
Myself without scars
Everywhere
I can't ******* see myself
without fresh
Gashes or bruises
And I can't ******* see
Myself smiling.
I don't eat because
The hunger pains
Remind me I am still
Breathing.
The pain like ****
Making it harder
To be okay and
Making it harder
For people to look at me
Without getting repulsed.
I'm like an infection.
I can't breathe properly
And haven't been able
To since...
I can't remember how long
It's been since I last
Breathed clean air
Calmly.
I can't imagine looking
In a mirror and feeling
Good enough.
So I sit.
In the dark and let my soul
Ooze out onto my sheets
And pray
I don't wake up

The blasphemy
That overtakes my
Thoughts
Was put there by
Demons and
Kept there by
Saints in order
To destroy me slowly.
Demons upon demons
Have entered and left
Without a trace
Leaving negativity
Like tumors on my
Brain
Inoperable
Said the Saints
And they left me too
Now I have nothing
Inside of me
Leading me towards
The banks of the
Cloudy river
I have nothing leading
Me towards the bottle of
Sleeping pills on
My dresser
I have nothing to stop me
I have nothing
I have
Me

The want to die
Is more of a
Compulsion
Lack of
Motivation
Is telling me to go
To burn from the
Inside out
Like a marshmallow left to roast
This is no life for the
Morbid zombie
The lives in my soul
The need to stick
My head in the
Fiery pit of anger is
Overwhelming and I
Want to ravage the land
With drunken rage
And seductive eyes
And no I can't do this
I can't be sober
For too long
So I'll dive head first
In the ocean
And hope the current drags
Me out too deep to
Touch
Like me
I've lost touch

I love you
and my heart beats fast
but it stops and drops
when you don't love me back

My stomach and head
Are boiling with sadness
And my internal organs
Are steamed from
The inside out
Love doesn't exist
For me
Curled up in the fetal
Position I ask for
Help from anyone
And all I get
Are ghosts of friends
Whisps of smoke
Gone in a flash
I'm like a tornado
Of emotion and I
Destroy everything in sight
When people see me
Coming at them
They evacuate and I'm
Left to
Rampage all alone

The systematic
Desolation of my mind
Lingers like the taste
Of your mouth and I
Can see everything in
The lake like crystal *****
The ghosts of my past
Dance and sway to the beat
Of my heart and all at once
My lungs fill
To the brim
And ache with longing
For air that won't come
I sink into the dark and
The ghosts finally evaporate
Like the life that was
Just snuffed out