appreciation for
taking the time to genuinely know me
gaining my trust and honesty

appreciation for
ability to be myself completely
endless conversations and stories

appreciation for
explaining things i don’t understand
being intentional whether spontaneous or planned

appreciation for
never pressuring outside my comfort zone
choosing respect with an accepting tone

appreciation for
opening the door and showing chivalry
authentic love for Jesus and ministry

appreciation for
always making me smile and laugh
developing a friendship that’ll last

appreciation for
slowly finding the next girl to date
a best friend who’ll patiently wait

i went down to florida
and came back with pneumonia,
maybe due to my life so busy
running and running and getting so dizzy,
always managing to stay on track
costing my sleep to be in major lack,
pushing myself past every limit
enjoying it all and never feeling timid,
but everyone said i'd eventually hit a wall
i guess they were right after all.

your devious dagger
was thrown through
my heavy heart
which dropped dead
into scattered scraps
and pitiful pieces
in a broken, ******,
mess.

today we decided to bake a cake.

it was my idea really,
you said you were the expert,
but i wanted to help.

i poured water and oil
while you cracked eggs,
then i stirred and stirred
until you poured it in the pans.
you placed them in the oven
that i avoided
because it is my greatest
fear.

we waited until they were done
we waited until they cooled
so that we could decorate.

again you took charge,
but i didn't mind
because i could've watched you all day,
taking your time-
so delicate, fragile, gentle.

your handwriting is beautiful
and you wouldn't let me write,
so i chose to respond
with a frosting fight.

we chased each other in circles,
in circles we chased each other.

you grabbed my wrist
(if only you decided
to interlock our fingers,
i wouldn't have minded).

so i grabbed your wrist
and we danced around-
our feet were pound (ing)
frosting hit the ground
we laughed with a joyous sound
and then you found...

the perfect opportunity.
you smeared it in my,
face
nose
hair
clothes,
so i chased you up the stairs
and you tried restraining me,
i chased you down the stairs
and you helped me see,
that we had no time left
for fun,
we had to finish the cake
we begun.

so i grabbed the sprinkles,
you caught the ones that fell;
i handed you the candles,
frantically listening for the door bell.

it came too soon
we had to hurry put everything in random places act like everything was normal
because the cake was a surprise.

later we finished,
you lit the cake,
it was truly beautiful,
what we can make,
when we work together.

my exhausted eyes want rest
my burdened brain calls for a break
my fatigued feet can't take another step
i don't think i can take
this anymore.

but that's when he gently whispers to me
and calls me dear daughter
he tells me that when i'm weary and weak
just come to the living water
and find strength.

dear uncle,
i began flipping through old photos
and was reminded of you.
it has been over a year
but right now my:
eyes are filling with tears
heart is breaking into pieces
lungs can't get enough oxygen
body wants to shut down.

i took you for granted
i pushed you away
i'm the worst niece because
i ignored you everyday,
even when i remembered
to pray.

i thought you would break through
i thought you would break free
i know it was an accident
but can't you see,
how it's hurt everybody,
including me.

it's hard to believe
it's hard to understand
you came to church with us three days before
but things don't always go as planned,
and i was too worried about me
to even shake your hand.

i wish i could go back in time
i wish i could be genuine
let you know that i love you
because maybe then,
i wouldn't have these regrets
and be stuck here with only my pen.

i know where you are
i know you're in a better place
but it feels like so long
until i get to see your face,
again.

don’t make me roadtrip
across four states
don’t make me drive
for nine hours;
to convince you to return
to remind you of the truth
to make you see the path
you are being called to.
to convince you He has a plan
to remind you of the passion inside
to make you choose this life
you are being called to.

be bold, brave, courageous
never let fear hold you down;
be an unstoppable fire
and turn this world around.

even when i fail You day after day
your love remains, it stays the same
i could never escape your plan
'cause you're holding me in the palm of your hand;

i will praise You day after day
'cause your love remains, You stay the same
i'll forever follow your plan
'cause you're holding me in the palm of your hand.

your birthday is four days away
i've been counting down
each
and
every
day
until i get to send you the happy birthday message.
i know i'll blend in with all the rest
but i hope you'll smile when
my name appears on your screen.
and i hope you'll reply with a heartfelt thanks
because that would mean the world to me.

yesterday,
in a rush to get to school,
i ripped my
blue and white shirt
off it's hanger
without a thought of you.

later,
i glanced in the mirror
and found
small white spots
hardened and scattered
on the sleeves.

i washed them out
and ran off to school.

it wasn't until
spanish class
that i realized the spots were from
you,
from that frosting fight
we had so long ago.

and so,
i smiled to myself
at the happy memory
from happy times
of baking cakes
and frosting fights.

she is a
glowing gleaming glorious
flower
in the midst of a
sea of gray.
she is a
radiant righteous ray
of shimmering sunlight
in a clouded world.
and she carries
a golden heart
full of
hope.

no matter how much you try to let go,
or try to change your mind,
the heart will always win,
every single time.

and he fell for her-

a shorter girl with shorter hair,
with an angelic voice that can't be compared,
a girl that's skinnier and older too,
with eyes like an ocean blue.
maybe she has a better style,
but he's only known her a little while,
and maybe he sees in each day,
how she's beautiful in every way.
now my broken heart must try to mend,
because i'll only ever be the best friend.

recognize the familiar rat-a-tat-tapping on your window,
pull the worn blinds and close the sheer curtains,
extinguish every bright light for the time being,
patiently wait criss-crossed on your bed with book in hand,
listen for the humming to cease (silence),
and return back to normal life
as the junebug survives another night.

as we neared one in the morning
(two o'clock his time),
surprised that i was still awake
i told him a little lie

"i can't fall asleep"
was my cover story,
because i didn't wanna lose
the long awaited glory

it had been over a week
since we last conversed,
so when his name lit up my screen
across my face excitement burst

the truth is i was tired
i didn't plan on staying up late,
but oh how i had missed him
as he's home in another state

less than three weeks 'til i see
this new close friend of mine,
so if you hear "i can't fall asleep"
it's probably just a sign

if i gave you access
to my thickest thoughts
and my deepest dreams,
if i let you see
the words that persistently pour
from my hopeful heart and soul,
how would you respond?

would you come to life
with enlightened eyes
and a glowing grin,
or would you
turn and rudely ridicule
while destroying dreams,
leaving me in agony?

if only you knew
how i felt inside
as you stared into my soul
and locked eyes with mine,
if only you knew
how my heart cried
as you sang to me
your beautiful lullaby.

i have this friend
this crazy talented friend
mi compañera en la clase de español cinco
my faithful lunch buddy
the one who inspired me
to pick up the pen again
and open my mind
and let the words flow onto the page
without thinking
or second guessing.
and i'm so grateful for her.

i'm free, i'm free
nobody's got a hold on me
and i'm loving it.
back to crushes and dreams
things that never seem
to come true.
you've been there through it all
standing firm, standing tall
you always listened.
but you're growing up
and i'm still just a pup
and i can't make you wait.
'cause i know what you long for
opportunity is knocking at the door
while ours remains closed.
so i'll hope and pray
each and every day
that you'll choose me.
because without you i'm dead
you are my best friend
and i love you.

you were right there
wanting to stay on schedule
but i couldn't help saying hi to another friend.

i was distracted
and you knew it
so you did the only thing you could.

with both hands
you placed them on each side of my face
and turned my head towards yours.

my heart was racing, melting,
and i was in shock
like a startled deer on the highway.

i don't remember a thing you said
only that with big eyes
i said okay.

from the rising of the sun on the first day,
to the setting of the sun on the last,
and everything in between-
     rain falling
     trees budding
     birds chirping
     life awakening,
it is a time to celebrate.
it is a time for poetry.

it is time for hidden authors to reveal-
     broken
     emotional
     marvelous
     beautiful
     works of art,
their poems.

sharing our deepest feelings
with complete strangers,
placing thoughts on the chopping block
awaiting criticism and judgement;
but somehow, never having seen their face
they understand.
because,
it is a time to simply
be here for each other.

it is April.

i want you to be my shining prince
but it's easier to convince
myself that it's me who you
hate, even when i know it's not true.
i don't wanna grieve
so it's easier to believe
that together we can't spend
forever; you're just my best friend.

it's funny how
even though i barely knew him
i thought he was so great,
yet the longer we were together
i realized that
it wasn't meant to be.
because my heart longed for another,
one who i've known for much longer,
my best friend.

it comes-
from deep in your heart
from the depths of your soul
from every hidden corner of your mind.
it's communicated through-
the words you say
the tone you speak with
the light in your eyes
the genuine expression.
it holds a power-
to make a difference
to change lives
to become joyful yourself.
isn't the same as being nice-
it goes above and beyond
it endures hardships
it says, '"i care"
it is authentic.

not always easy,
but definitely worth it.
kindness is a gift.

last night-
our eyes met across the room
and I couldn't help but think,
that maybe we have a chance.
can I just assume
that you won't let me sink,
and together we will dance...
forever.

my constant corner
is at the back
on the elevated platform
next to the drums
where there is just enough room for
the drummer
and the bassist.
where there is just enough room for
the drummer
and me.

your normal nook
is at the front
of the regular stage
between the keys and electric
where there is plenty of space for
the vocalists and
the guitarists.
where there is plenty of space for
you.

it's as if we're separated
by a musical fence
we're never placed next to each other
because it just wouldn't make sense,
but i guess last wednesday
was the exception.

i arrived early and you were already there
you told me that we'd be next to each other, how rare!

we talked
we tuned
we plugged in
and very soon
we were playing music.

we ran through the set list
which consisted
of three songs,
we exchanged smiles
all the while
we kept the music going strong.

at one point
during the bridge
of song two,
you needed help with the chords
and it was really loud
so i leaned in close to you.

i yelled the note names
as my fiery fingers played through
the progression,
your eyes said it all
and deciding to fake it
was your confession.

later on-
i continued to help with chords
you kept me from being bored
you smiled at me
when we
returned to that bridge.

at the end-
to the stage our team returned
and that is when i learned
as the pastor closed in prayer
that maybe you do care...

looking at me
you held your arm out
wanting me to join you at your side.

and so i did.

let's keep this going,
i could talk all night,
because with you,
everything feels right.

negative temperatures
may keep me away from school,
but negative temperatures
can't keep me from you.

everytime i think of you
i have to remind myself
that your feelings for me are
nonexistent.
it's easier said than done,
but i know i need to let go
and maybe someday you'll be
persistent.