Maybe I'll hear your distinct funny laugh
even across murmurs and mechanical hums
in a subway in Singapore
       Maybe I'll find you  
behind smoke from exotic dishes cooking;
where the aroma of spices is wafting
up into the humid Indian air
       Maybe I'll see your sweet face
reflecting the colorful glows
of fireworks painting the night sky
in a fiesta in Mexico
       Maybe I'll come across you
at a sandy Guatemalan shoreline,
where the crashing waves
could add rhythm
to the poems that we make
       Maybe when I'm stranded
you'll tap on my car window
to help me out of a snowstorm in Canada
that your tropical skin hates
       Maybe we will share
the same park bench in DC
and we could contemplate all day
on our countries' intertwined histories
       Maybe we will
gasp in surprise
squeal in delight
and give each other
a tight handshake
a big high five
or maybe even
a warm embrace
       Maybe we live thousands or even
hundreds of thousands of miles apart
but one way or another
we will see each other again
        **I will make that a certainty

I.
with my hand clutching my heart,
i anxiously swept my feet across
the hallway lined with a hundred artworks,
only to discover at the very end
that mine was just
one place short of an award.

i run all the way back the long hallway
to hide teardrops in a dark lonely corner
until my father
came and gave me
a comforting embrace.
his strong hands patted me on the back,
my tears stained his crisp polo as
i buried my face in his chubby belly.
he told me
that i'm the greatest artist
and that no matter what
he loves me.

II.
seeds planted in me bloomed
into realizations
and those realizations bred feelings
and like a tidal wave
the sea of emotions
surged over me
and overflowed to my eyes
chest felt heavy and
my head felt light.

i made my way through the dark and crowded room
to my brother
and in front of all his friends
tackled him in a hug.
he scuffled my hair and locked me in his arms,
and i couldn't believe he hugged me back
instead of pushing me away.
he told me
that he was stupid
and that he was sorry.

III.
he held me back as everyone else went down
the winding staircase.
i knew too well that this day would come
but i injected myself with lies
that February can feel like forever.
but the truth prevailed
and the truth hurts.

our cheeks brush and blush.
he got me on the tips of my toes
and his thick sweater caught my tears
as we wrap each other in a long embrace.
i let go of him and dropped my hands
because the moment felt too right but
he hugged me tighter
and he swayed me
gently
   back and forth...
       back and forth...
           back and forth...
contrary
to the wild beat of my heart.
he told me
his final goodbye
and that he will miss me.

****
I can't believe
You've lived eighteen long years
I don't want to believe
You're of legal age
Because just yesterday
You arrived for school 2 hours late for
You slept at 4 am because of anime
Your blue boxers would show even if you wore a belt
You bought 100 Pesos worth of Spanish bread during recess
You dared to punctuate your English report with wrong grammar
You dunked iced tea bottles to the trash can, imitating Jordan
You ran and screamed in the hallways with the 3rd graders
You hanged your sweaty shirt to dry at the lockers
You spammed our physics teacher's laptop with selfies
You bit my shoulder, literally
You drew kitties and robots in your math test
You attempted to sing to dubstep
You took a nap at the carpeted library floor and
You almost ran over me with your car
So even if you're now an adult officially
You're still this messed up kid to me
Happy birthday though
You're finally 18
My wish for you is that you would be careful
'Cause you're old enough to hit the slammers
*I guess age is really just a number

I'm scared that I might trip,
Fall ******* my hard head,
And sink deep into
Oceans of my own tears so
I'm trying to get to you as fast as I can
But I'm not rushing
I'm not rushing, no.

Take heart to wait longer,
As I take time to get stronger
Because right now I'm not ready
But when that day comes
I'm certain I will be.
And I'm really sorry
For taking so long but please
Wait eagerly,
But wait patiently
And most of all,
Wait faithfully.

Until that day
We see each other
Wait, Love
Just wait for me.

We're stuck in a terrible traffic jam
Of a river of red lights.
At the car dashboard there is a faint green glow:
It's 11 pm.
I already feel tired for tomorrow
Even if it hasn't started yet
For I know I have to wake up at 5 am.

As my mind fills with fatigue and frustration
I hope in my heart
That my dad would never stop driving.
I wish that he would
     drive
            d r i v e
                  d  r  i  v  e
                        and  d   r   i   v   e
To wherever the road takes us and just
Let the dim orange street lamps lead us
To a brighter tomorrow.

I beg to break free from the city borders for
I can't seem to take the stress out of me
So just take me out of the stress.
Let this auto's mechanical hum
Drown my thoughts.
Let every revolution of the wheel
Oust the monsters reigning,
Preying on my mind.

The greens of the rain forests and rice fields,
The blues of the mountains and the ocean
Would zoom in smudged colors
In the artwork that is my window.
Roll it open and the wind
Would gently kiss my face and stroke my hair.
I will sigh,
Releasing the remnants of
My exhaustion and combusted fossils exhausted,
And filling my lungs with the air smelling
Of pine trees and the ocean breeze.

So I hope that we would never stop driving,
And let the road take us anywhere
I don't really care
As long as its
Anywhere but here.

I'm trying to build a bridge
To new chapters and seasons
With hopes that I would get over
You
But I can't help myself
From looking down,
Looking back at
The nevers and if evers.
I'm hitting my head
With these heavy bricks
Instead of just laying them down
And so I'm losing my mind
I don't know why
I don't know how
I don't know what now
I just don't for
Sometimes I just want
To let myself go:
Just jump off and fall
In love
But you are a deep, dark ravine
Too full of mystery,
Maybe even misery
But of this I am certain
That you would be
The death of me.

we of those red, sunken eye
barely, rarely making it
limping, crawling through life.
     we whose language is lies
always oblivious, unaware, and ignorant
to anything that concerns
anyone else but ourselves.
     we who rot and decay as the passing of the days
trapped in a messed web of envy, jealousy
we don't have to be excellent or brilliant
we just have to be better than others.
     we who live for death:
to preys on the rest
so that they may transform, conform
to the dull, monotonous norm.
     we who are hardly living,
not dead
but not alive.

Viva Sto. Nino!
Come let us celebrate
The boy Jesus
Our King, our Savior!

Colorful banderitas drape
This town street.
Here comes the
Pagan parade
Going to the church,
Lead by gay majorettes
Flaunting their legs while
Blowing kisses to the priests.

There is a river
Of people each holding
A portrayal of the living God,
A glossy Sto. Nino statue
Dressed in peasant clothes,
A chef's uniform,
A crisp black suit,
A traditional Chinese costume,
And a striped swimwear even.

Some people are masked
As zombies and ghouls
Quite like Halloween in January.
Their face paints start to get
Smeared in their sweaty cheeks
In this scorching 2 pm sun.

At the middle of the parade comes
A pick-up decked with a stereo.
A portrait of lady in a bikini is
Taped on one of its speakers.
As the parade moves on
The kids moshed and fist pumped
To tribal rhythms and hiphop hits
With cuss words in every beat.

The sun is setting and
The celebration finally arrives
At the crowded church plaza.
People make their way,
Inching slowly to the grand church door.
The great parade ends in a bang, well
A slap rather.
A ***** boy hits
A lady's behind
In yellow micro shorts.

A brawl erupts
In the midst of the crowd,
In front of the saints
Petrified in the stained glass windows.
The mass starts soon after
As if nothing happened.

*Viva Sto. Nino!
Come let us celebrate
The boy Jesus
Our King, our Savior!

The last time I saw you
We were trying to blend orange into green
In a huge painting for a fund raising auction.
Surprisingly, I see you again in yet another colorful adventure,
In a dark room with bright blinking lights where
We gave 80's dance moves to pop rock songs.

Then we plunged into the night and let
Our laughter and high pitched voices pierce the chilly air.
We balanced our books as we hurriedly jaywalked
Through the 10 pm traffic jam.

Though the ads in the mall were right at our faces,
You pulled me to a big blue aquarium
To marvel at the goldfish and guppies
Staring at our shiny eyes the same way.
We tried to understand the math
On how our corals cost 3 times more than the States
Even if we have 20 times more species than them.
We couldn't, but we swore to each other we'd stop it.

And as we shared a glass
Of too much ice and no more tea
We fought back passion filled tears
When we told each other story after story
Of our government's inadequacies.
We argued, but finally agreed that
It's not over population, it's urban planning;
It's not poverty, it's inequality;
They're not imbeciles, just ignorant;
And our nation maybe unfortunate,
But our trust is not in fortune, but in grace.

Then as we bid each other goodbye,
Unsure of when will we even meet again,
I prayed to God that
If our school chaplain becomes the president
I'd like him to appoint you and me as the
environment and finance secretaries.
I thanked Him too because
Now for the first time in my life,
I'm not ashamed, I'm not embarrassed but
I'm happy
To be a geek
Because you are with me.

No, I am not a Christian, rather
I am a child adopted and chosen
I am a friend, He is my buddy
I am a follower, humbly obeying the Leader
I am a disciple, carrying my cross daily
I am an heir of the heavenly kingdom
I am a steward of the gifts that he gave me
I am a servant, loyal and faithful
I am a princess, set apart and of royalty
I am a citizen in but not of this world
I am an ally, no longer an enemy
I am a soldier constantly in battle
I am a conqueror, for He has won the victory
I am a slave, not to sin but to righteousness
I am an ambassador, representing peace
I am a new creation, gone is the old
I am a handiwork, a grand masterpiece
I am a branch yielding much fruit
I am a temple, the Spirit lives in me
I am a light and salt to all the nations
I am His possession, bought with a price too heavy

Take me back to the days
When we were artists
With the clouds as the paint,
With the sky as the canvas;
Who sang their hearts out
In front of the electric fan
Which became the microphone and auto-tuner.
Take me back to the days
When we were adventurers
Who ran outside after morning showers to
Find the end of the rainbow
Hoping to meet a fellow
Who can grant our greatest wish
That tomorrow would be sunnier than today;
Who balanced between life and death
Every grocery shopping with our mothers
As we carefully tried to avoid the lines of the tiles which
We believed was made up of deadly red lasers.
Take me back to the days
When we were heroes:
Scientists who calculated the intensity of the rain
In the race of raindrops that
Roll down the car window
In the pouring traffic jam.
Ninjas who would wake up early to
Catch the floating dusts that swim in the sun's rays
When you open the curtains of the wide window.
Generals of an army who built
Mighty forts of cotton and feathers and
Found safety beneath warm pillows and sheets
On dark and windy nights.
Take me back to the days
When we were
Engineers,
Doctors,
Politicians,
Pilots,
Astronauts, and
Teachers
Take me back to the days
When we were
*Who we wanted to be.

You are my
December because you seem to
     emanate a golden glow,
          quite like of parols swinging from tall streetlamps
December in how you
     brush through my hair like a cool, gentle breeze
          brought by the northeast wind of
               clear blue skies and fair weather.
December also in the way you
     wrap your arms around me
          tightly, it
               reminds me of my favorite warm, woolly sweater that
                    my dear grandma knitted for me.
        You are my
December in how you
     light up my eyes like
          the Christmas lights that twinkle on the Christmas tree
No, actually, more like the
     fireworks that set fire to
          the midnight sky on New Year's Eve
December because
     you are a great gift
          like the secret surprises tucked under the Christmas tree
     you are a sweet treat
          like a gingerbread coated with colorful sugar,
               freshly baked and toasty
     you refresh me
          like the much needed break that lasts for two weeks
    You are my
December because
     you leave me melting
          like the mini mallows sprinkled  
               on my hot choco steaming
     You are my
December because

  
I love December

You come to Him
And sit on His lap
You greet Him
With your various appeals and requests:
Sentences and paragraphs
Wrapped with
"I want this"
and "Give me that"
And you search and inspect His hands for
The gifts and presents
Wrapped in pretty papers and big bows
But forget not that
He is far more---
He is light years beyond
The source of your joy and peace
Because
He is joy
He is peace
And so
Still
The erratic spin of the compass
Of your heart
And point the arrow
Back to your first love,
The One who loved you first
Humble before Him
And fall on your knees,
Fall at His feet
Stop searching His hands
And start seeking His face
Marvel and adore
The Master of masterpieces
Entitled "Beauty Personified"
In the silence,
Hear His melodic whispers
That calls for you singing,
"My friend, My child"
Bask in the rays of His radiance
Let His comforting warmth seep in your skin
And melt you,
Every part and particle of you
Smell His sweet aroma
That wafts and saturates the air
Breathe His breath
That made the stars explode into light
And made you come to life
Taste His goodness and
Fill yourself with His glory
And let it overflow
As praises
-----Just praises
Because there is already
Great joy and
Perfect peace
In just praising Him because
He is Joy
**He is Peace

I pull open the door
And hunt for food in the dim orange light.
"There's nothing inside"
Well, actually,
There is something:
Months old cream cheeses precariously stacked atop each other,
Several mysterious bottles of brown sauces,
Dried out leafy vegetables,
But nothing
This lazy *** can eat without preparing.

I push close the door,
Leaving my stomach rumbling and empty,
But filling my mind with
Dreams

Three-fourths of the dull gray door is covered
With colorful ceramic magnets
From my dad’s corporate adventures
To Batangas, Bohol, Bacolod, Davao,
Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, Macau,
Nepal, Vietnam, Sri Lanka, China,
Dubai, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia
Sudan, Egypt, Ethiopia,
Canada, Greece, and Australia.

I examine each magnet’s contour and shine,
Letting its foreign dust seep into my fingers.
I dream that soon
I will return all those dusts to their lands
And bring home more magnets of my own.

He's as straight as a curved line
Or so we speculate, or so he denies
A thousand signs, a million hints
Never as refreshing as an evening mint

He praises the men who live in the screen
Projected in front for all to be seen
“Is he attracted?” we ask
“Or is he just trying to bring joy so that his sadness will be masked?”

Deeper and deeper the bird plunges
Smaller and smaller the sky gets
His limbs flow and soon, suffocated
The days of his junk is dated

A sudden movement, always an explosion
Always seems intoxicated by a freak potion
Unnecessary but not always unwanted
But still every inch of his body is demented

His wretchedness is our pleasure
The distance between his pain and our joy cannot be measured
I say, everything in the universe is against him
We say, his very existence is sticky and dim

Angry mom
Uncleaned room
Missing chair
Math grade in doom

Lost books
Crossed and shaky legs
Blemished looks
Intermediate pad in despair

Rotten eggs
Sudden rain
Dancing legs
Junk in pain

Moldy bread
Virused usb
Relationship with girlfriend now dead
Showing off his bare body

Humongous hands
Side comments
Life never bland
But forever in lament

Alas, I bombarded him with questions
He states that he feels no hatred is most situations
Sometimes we wish that his life would change
But that would make our own very strange

The harsh sun beat on your back
The wind blew away
Everything
You held on to
The ground shook you to your knees
And the people who you thought would help you up
Did not but tried to bury you down
So you ran inside
And slammed the door shut,
Adorned it with locks,
And laced it with chains
You swallowed the key
And huddled to yourself
At the far side of the room
And made yourself careful
Too careful
And not caring
Of me
Standing outside your door
Gently tapping on the cold old wood
Continuously whispering
"Let me in...
      Let me in...
            Let me in..."
Let me in
Because I know that inside that door
I will find a mind
Exploding with the greatest stories
On the genres adventure and comedy
I will find a heart
Glowing with the warm embers
Of devotion and love.
Sometimes
My tapping escalate into banging
And my whispering: too loud
Now I'm shouting
Because I get frustrated
Of the lies you've blinded yourself with
And made you too paralyzed to live.
You are wrong,
So wrong
When you think that
I'm here to laugh at you,
Because I'm here to laugh with you
When you think that
I'm here to take from you,
Because I'm here to share with you
When you think that
I like you,
Because actually
I love you.
And so I'm begging you
Please
"Let me in..."
      "Let me in..."
            "Let me in..."

Lilingon-lingon upang makakuha
Ng isang sulyap, isang silip
Hanggang sa tinalikuran mo na ng
Tuluyan
Ang kalayaan
At hinayaan mo ang sarili mo
Na bumalik
Sa selda na iyong pinanggalingan, nakasanayan

Pero hintay, hinto!
Hindi kita papayagan na magkaganito
Hayaan mo na yakapin kita ng mahigpit
At pawiin ang mga luha sa iyong pisngi
Wala akong mga karanasan at payo na pwedeng ibahagi
Pero susubukan ko na
Baliktarin ang iyong simangot sa isang ngiti
Makatulungan sana nang kahit kaunti
Sa mga sugat mo na humahapdi

Ilagay mo ang iyong mga kamay
Sa akin
Ikaw ay aking hahawakan,
Hinding-hindi ka bibitawan
Ikaw ay sasamahan lakarin
Ang nakatakdang landas
Na kailangan **** tahakin
Sa dami ng mga lubak at lindol
Siguradong tayo'y madadapa rin
Pero huwag mo na 'yun isipin
Kasi anumang mangyari
Kahit kailan, kahit saan
**Ikaw ay aking iibigin

Tayo na lagi na lang
Napag-iiwanan,
Nasa hulihan
Sa karahasan, katamaran
Nasa'n ang katapusan

Natutulog?
Hindi
Tayo ay gising na gising
Mulat ang mga mata sa katotohanan
Pero
Hanggang sa kasalukuyan
Nakahiga
Nakabaluktot
Nakahandusay
Sa kamang minantsahan
Ng mga patak ng dugo at luha at
Dinungisan
Ng mga apak ng mga dayuhan
Pati na rin ng mga tao sa sarili nating bayan

Kasi naman
Sino bang makakatulog dito
Sa lakas ng sigaw
Para sa tulong at hustisiya
Sa ingay ng iyak ni bunso
Para sa tatay na nawalay
Sa lagkit ng dumi
Na bumabalot sa pulitika
Sa baho ng amoy
Ng nabubulok na sistema

Ilang daang taon, nakahiga pa rin
Namanhid na ba tayo sa tagal ng panahon?
Nabulag sa yaman?
Nalasing sa kapangyarihan?
Nahilo sa ikot ng mundo?
O nawalan ng pag-asa na lang ba tayo?

Gising pero hindi pa rin nakabangon
Sa bayang hindi naman mangmang,
Wala lamang pakialam

I don't get why your ****** eyes can't see
I don't get why your short frame can't grasp
I don't get why your semi-average mind can't understand
I don't get why it can't seep in your dark skin and chubby belly that

I  l o v e  y o u

because you care for your friends with utmost loyalty, sincerity
because your eyes shine with fire for the things and the ones you love
because you never run out of wild stories and theories
because your laugh is more than enough to make me laugh along
because your crazy ways take me in an adventure, not chaos definitely
because you would rather be odd in this apathetic world for the sake of chivalry
because you give me more innumerable insane reasons
but actually, simply
because you

You may see yourself as someone unlovable, detestable
but please get rid of that nonsense
because I am here
and very soon,
distance and time would get in the way but
I will always be here and

**I  l o v e  y o u

Into a place far away but too familiar,
I push open the rusty purple gates,
Inhale a lungful of the province air,
Kick away blue pebbles on the dusty ground,
And then
Mano my lolo, my tito
Beso my lola, my tita
And give my cousins a nudge on the arm,
A pinch on the cheeks.

I squeeze between four people
In a rickety wooden bench and
Pass around plate after heavy plate.
I fill my banana leaf
With spaghetti too soft too sweet,
Almost like pudding,
With crispy chicken dripping with oil.
I wash it off with a cool glass of gulaman,
Chewy beads and gems in sugary water.

Fathers talk about basketball, boxing, billiards;
Mothers browse through photo albums and magazines;
While we children argue about Superman or Batman.
Our laughter fills the humid air
And goes up, up, up to the ears of the neighbors.

In celebration of the time we have together
And a nice sunny day
We devour our meals
And go ahead and
Climb trees and
Get our faces sticky with sweet fruits,
Lick chocolate ice popsicles,
Chase each other in the weedy playground,
Bike around town,
Pick colorful flowers,
Wrestle with each other,
Play badminton on a windy day,
Scare around chickens and guinea pigs,
And play patintero under the dull orange street lamps.

We nervously creep inside the back door,
All sweaty, bearing bruises and scratches
But still with wide smiles on our faces.
All is futile though.
An angry grandmother awaits,
Scolding us for
Coming home past sunset.

More and more stars glitter the sky
As the night gets deeper and deeper.
The gentle evening breeze whistles a note
As it enters through the window.
The karaoke blasts grating voices
Interrupted by hearty laughter.
Playing cards and corn chips litter the table.
We children exchange jokes and ghost stories.

And then,
We bid our goodbyes,
Sharing hugs and kisses
Stained with discontent and sadness.
Our hearts about to burst
In excitement for the next
Reunion.

You are not the width of your hips
You are not the shade of your skin
You are not the fabrics in your closet
You are not the electronics that you own
You are not the papers in your wallet
You are not what you possess
You are not what you look like

You are the songs that you sing to in the shower
You are the shows that you stay up watching
You are the books that you read for hours
You are the poems and stories you make
You are the art you create, the strokes of your fingers
You are the subjects in school you enjoy learning
You are the dreams you have for tomorrow
You are the people you look up to
You are the friends you spend Friday nights with
You are the boys that you kiss
You are how you talk to your parents
You are what you love
**You are how you love

Squeeze your feet into synthetic fins.
See the world in big rubbery lenses.
Don’t forget the snorkel, of course! Bite tight.
Hobble to the shore,
Where the two worlds meet.

The sea splashes gently on the sand.
It hurls itself forward
And then recedes back.
Its motions are like gestures,
Telling you to draw close
And closer.
Its peaceful surface is an invitation itself,
Painted blue and glittered with sunshine.

Accept the invitation with gladness.
Don't be afraid!
Let the briny waters embrace you.
Let the cold tickle your skin.
Let the waves rock you back and forth.

You have entered a grand ballroom
Illuminated with a majestic chandelier of refracting sunlight.
The colorful corals with shapes of mounds, disks, and crowns,
Sway with the rhythm of the current.
The fishes dance around and about,
Each beaded with scales of various vibrant colors.

And then the reef ends.

The colors abruptly plunge into a black abyss.  
Look down and allow yourself to be
Filled with fear, terror,
Or maybe
Insatiable curiosity.
Now let that curiosity stir discontentment in you:
Discontentment with snorkeling.
Let it ignite a craving for
More thrill, more wonder.

It's time to go deep sea diving.

A broken wreck
A blind rebel
So lost
So broken
Chasing rapids
Diving waterfalls
Only to end up in a
Vast murky
Ocean
And sink
                                                                                   Endlessly
To its cold, lonely depths

But He
Breaks the chains
That anchors me to sin
But He
Fishes me out
Of the dark abyss
And I
Rise
Rise beyond the surface
And I
Live
Live for the very first time

He waters down my briny filth---guilt
He wraps me in a thick blanket
With love in every stitch
He hands me a warm mug of cocoa
Overflowing with marshmallows
But He didn't even need to
How could He even want to

And then He welcomes me to His ship
Of formidable majesty and splendor,
Gives me a net,
And names me as a fisher of men
We sail
We fish
Through stormy seas
Vast oceans
Savage pirates
But all is well
All is great, in fact
For His ship is firmly established
A jewel made of iron
And He always knows the Way
Because He is,
He is the Captain of Captains
And I am His fisher of men