I'll look back in regret,
How I ignored when they said,
"Run as fast as you can."

I dream of a place,
Where theres a field of beautiful flowers,
Romantic music, colorful fabrics and
Bunny rabbits hopping around.
I dream of a place,
Where the sky is pink and orange,
the sound of a river
a crone caressing my hair,
The tulips drip a deepest red
The grass, lush and green.
In a silent lake with swans made of suns and tears
With swans made of snow and ashes.
The place which I dreamt of with passion
yet lived only once.

*I'm a dreamer that refuses to let go.

Instead of telling me to take care of myself,
Why don't you do something to make me stay?

If you would not write poems for me,
I will be still loving you.
If you would not say the three golden words 'i love you' to me,
I will be still loving you.
If I was missing and you didn't search for me,
I will be still loving you.
If you would not be here and care,
I will be still loving you.

But if you came calling me,
I'd still answer in a heart beat.

If tomorrow I was gone,
Would you still feel for me?
If my anger burned you,
Would you forget me?

I still miss you,
I still love you,
But I can't take it,
If you won't show the same.

I missed you so much,
The only thing I did last night was cry.
So I smother the feelings and bury the hope,
In hopes that  we'll be okay.

Everything I do is pointless.
I feel completely
worthless, lonely, unloved.

I feel sorry for myself.
I am lost, still in search of me.
You claim love but how can I find,
The truth behind these words, I have tried.

As my head lay against the pillows,
My eyes shut, to see you under the willow.
I dream, we danced the night away,
We lay under the stars,
We sit by the road and count the cars.
In my dreams, you and I are in love.
Even when I'm awake, I'm deeply in love.
The feelings for you that forever dance in my heart,
I will always love you.

Broken feelings
shattered trust,
Maybe
You never truly belong to me.
I love you,
But I hate liars.
So I just sit there and feel my heart
And it’s breaking into a million pieces.

The night you vowed you would never stop loving me.
The night that I was truly undoubtedly beautiful to you.
You were the closest thing I've felt to true love and definetly the closest to HEARTBREAK.

You're the sweetest
I'm the luckiest.
It's a funny story of how we met
But you get me in a way that no one else gets.
We happened so quickly
And I'm still in awe of us.
You’ll live on forever in my poetry
And so will my love.

Forever in my heart,
I never want to lose you my great friend,
From the moment of silence for everytime we spoke.

I love you,
But not in the way it's been rumored that the both of us tend to do
I love you because you're always there for me.

My every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt,
You're the only one who truly understands me.

When things fell apart, I wanted to cry,
You tell me I'm strong enough, that I deserve to be happy,
And that you love me.

To the bestfriend,
No matter what call he would always answer,
Was nothing, but my mirror.

It's December 7th,
Happy 21st Birthday, buddy.

I am never quite empty.
No matter how hard I try,
There is always something inside.
Something evil, something that shouldn’t be there.
I hate it for being inside me.
I need to get it out,
Before it takes over my body.
I try my best to get rid of it,
Try to force it out of me.
But everything goes black...


The coldness against my face snaps me back to reality.
My eyes slowly open and focus on the hard white seat I am resting on.
I lift my head to look inside,
But see only the cool undisturbed water.
I lower my head and again feel the cold porcelain against my cheek.
I close my eyes,
Surrendering,
Knowing I will never be pure.
Never quite empty.

I wonder,
do you close your eyes to kiss me
so you can imagine her?

Maybe someday,
You'll understand
Why I've spent my whole life
Trying to put it into words
And for once you let go
Of your fears and your ghosts
No proof, not much
But you saw enough
Even if it's just in your wildest dreams.

I am
Surrounded by a sea of people,
And still feel all alone.

I feared the future until
I realized that life just kept getting better.

I revered the past until I understood
That it could no longer hurt me.

But then again I asked myself,
Who was truly there for me?

Lovers come and go,
But memories stay forever.

Lots of pain,
Leaving scars that will endure long after the infliction.

When you can't sleep at night,
Because when you conclude your eyes,
They are standing there to remind you
That you are alone.

Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them.

I don't know a lot of things
But,
I do know Life is good and serious.

So this morning I woke to the touch of a morning sun, softly teasing my eyes apart. I found the smile I thought I had missed. The first thing that came into my mind was the word 'grateful'. I am very grateful for my amazing family and friends and my wonderful cozy home. I’m also consistently thankful for the little things in life that remind me just how lucky I am. But at this moment, at this point, I just want to jot down everything that makes me feel thankful for having a powerful and strongest boyfriend in my life. You had no idea how this feeling blessed for the millionth time.

When I describe the perfect boyfriend I could have, I think of one I already had. Actually, to me perfectness in my eyes does exist. What I call perfect is my boyfriend Hedzmy. The first thing I noticed was his long wavy jet black hair and I was hooked (well not literally hooked at that time) because he wasn't my taste after all (maybe it's because of he is so Melayuish a.k.a typical malay guy). I'm constantly impressed with the ones who speaks very well in English. But, that was before. The longer I get to know him, the more I began to get bonded...and then I fell deeply in love with him. I don't even know how that happened.

Hedzmy is such an amazing guy, not that tall, smart, sensitive, he got the cutest smile, has a pair of beautiful very-dark brown eyes and a very unique hairstyle. He is the sweetest person you could ever meet. He wears nice clothing, he loves to dress preppy on some special occasions or either any day at times. An example of wearing preppy clothing will be a nice casual long sleeves shirt, nice printed T, slanted skinny pants, and nice high top Converse shoes. His favorite color is red, he loves good food and a good passion in photography. He plays guitar, eventhough it wasn't that good, but I just love watching him play and sing. Yet, you had no idea how much I love his voice.

I’ve been together with my boyfriend for 1 year. Hedzmy has been such a wonderful person to me. He has been there for me, cared for me and loved me like no one else ever had. Every time I’m not in a great mood, he always finds a way for me to smile and laugh and forget about the bad things. He has even got me going forward to a good path so I can make my dreams come true and so I can be the happiest person alive. But I’m happy as long as he is with me and is there for me. I may ******* things up a lot throughout our relationship, but it just happened and I didn't mean to hurt his feelings as well. I love my boyfriend so much and it scares me when I realized that for the first time in my entire life, I was really falling in love. Falling in love for who he is. He's amazing. Eventhough there were times I recalls when he tweeted about how he wish he could turn back time to save his previous relationship and so on, (that was like after we've been together for almost half of months), well it really breaks my heart. Imagine how someone sees you for the first time and telling you how much they want you to be with them but the fact is they still can't let go of the past? Painful isn't it? So I began to seek for attention by making a lot of friends with boys but none of them attracts me. It is because, I love my boyfriend. I just want to be with him. I have the guts to take him to see my parents. How I love seeing him tested by my mom to see if he could tolerate her.

Sometimes, in the beginning, and even still today, I’ll become untrusting and difficult, attacking out of nowhere. The naive trust that I had so long ago got used up and beaten up by the wrong person. But unlike that wrong person, when he used to attack for no reason, chase protects everything.

I had no goal in my life but to make him happy. I was in fear of loosing him, loosing this companionship between us. Loosing something I have placed so much effort into. Thus I had no confidence to speak up for 1 year, there was no sense of belonging, passion or safety. Just me thinking this is the best thing that had ever happened me, I won't be able to find anyone else and I didn't want to loose it, so I would do what ever it takes to protect it.

Many people say perfectness is nowhere to be found but in my world there is. Hedzmy is perfect, no matter of fact he is beyond perfect. He doesn’t see the perfect and amazing part in him but I do. Now, what makes me happy is his English is improving! And I am so glad I could help him bits by bits. Sometimes the little things in life mean the most, right?

Happy 1st Anniversary Sayang,
           I love you to the moon and back! **