Insecurity:
You'd never believe me.
I fear much:
And that includes losing touch.
Insecurity-
What is wrong with me?
I can't bear this fear,
Of being left here-
To fend for myself-
To save myself-
To be myself,
But I've lost that-
Me.
I'm so lost that my map is lost.
Of course you're my map, so that would make sense that I would be lost when you leave me.

Here's to the New Year
A new me
But little do you know
That I will not change
I will stay the same
And so will my mind
In the ****** up state
It is already in
Because of you
And your demons

Can you tell me when?
                    What dear?
When will being yourself be easier that suicide? And don't
call me dear.
                   Well, let's not talk about that, sit and eat your breakfast.
If not now, then when??
                   Be still, girl, and when you finish, go comb your hair.
Would you rather I end my own life than to stop pretending to be something I am not?
                  You now that's not what I mean. And you aren't pretending, you are just being silly. I put some more lip gloss in your purse. The pastor called, he wants to read you some scripters later. And your dad is going to take you shopping for some girlier clothes, those are horrid. Have you seen that nice boy who lives across the street, you should try to get to know him. You two would make some pretty kids. And-

Can you all just.. stop. Maybe it will be clearer when I'm not here for you to accept who I am..
                Be quiet, young lady. Pass the butter.
But I am not a lady..
And at that she laughed and reached across my plate and got the butter. She had to spread it with a spoon because she thought all the knives were missing, but if she listened closely she could have heard the clinging noise they made under my bed.

I wish to fly.
To escape from the chains of gravity and soar into
a moonlit abyss.
I wish to kiss twinkling stars and admire
galaxies from clouds.
To feel wind rustle beneath my toes as I
shatter fantasies with levitation,
To know freedom’s true name,
To greet winged creatures as brothers and sisters,
To hug the heavens with great leaps.
Be I a monster in the eyes
of the flightless,
in air I become a beauty,
But all dreams end.
When the dawn jump’s from the arms of darkness and
steals away the moon,
I must return to confinement.
Become ugly again.
I stare at the mocking sun from my balcony.
waiting for the wind to embrace my wishes
and carry me through the night once again.
The wait is eternity.

You can't give love
only to take it back
but I swallow words
like pills these days

and the side affects
have no warning label
and overdosing is
too often fatal

I will admit
to overdosing them
with sweet beguiling
slippery softener
‘till dead at my feet
they can rise
no more.

Yet they cling to me
as they can
with a ghastly
screaming need
for me to pull
them up.

Yes, once
I had a pair of normal socks.

Tonight I thought about
pushing the accelerator to the floor
And turning the wheel hard
the roads were icy
and I was already going pretty fast
it would have been easy
to blame the weather
instead of me
but I kept the wheel straight
I'm not sure why