im in love with you
and all the little things you do
do you think of me

she's wearing a sun hat
my shirt
her favorite pair of *******
she's dancing around the room
frank ocean singing to her out of the speakers on her laptop
everything frank ocean says she sings back to me
with every word she says
and every step she takes
around the room
i fall more and more in love
with the beauty of who she is
when she's herself,
the beautiful girl dancing around the room
in a sun hat
and my shirt
and her favorite *******

The seemingly endless tears stream down my face,
relentless.
They drip on the picture of you,
smudging the ink.
The picture I carry everywhere.
The picture that means so much to me,
my everything.
Now the ink is smeared,
the tears from the pain,
blotting out your face,
mixing the colors together,
to form a messy blob.
I hate having to be ripped away from you

I just passed where the accident was
when I was little whenever we passed something like that my parents would make me cover my eyes
But this time I couldn’t cover my eyes
I saw it all
the mangled car
the skid marks which stopped at the edge of the cliff where the car went off
the police taking pictures of the wreck their faces emotionless and blank
the flaggers slowly letting people through, smoking away the stress of what they saw
I feel for the officer who had to tell the family “There’s been a fatal accident” and I feel for the family who had an officer knock on their door and say “There’s been a fatal accident”
And I wish
That my parents were there to say “close your eyes” so I didn’t have to see the violence and sadness of life and death
But this time
I had to drive by
Eyes wide
to the reminder that no one has forever

The picture of you is getting worn out,
I bring it everywhere,
My back right pocket is where you are,
always.
It’s the only way I can think of
To have you be a constant part of my life.

It’s not supposed to be this way,
You’re supposed to be there for me,
always.
You shouldn’t have been ripped away from me like this,
All it’s done is bring me pain.
Mommy, the one thing I can never call you to your face.
Calling you by your name,
is what brings me the most pain.

I wish you knew that I loved you,
I wish you knew that if I could be with you,
I would.
I would do anything for you,
anything at all.
I wish you knew that everyday I cry over you,
and every night in my dreams,
I do to.
There is not a second of the day I’m not thinking of you,
no matter how hard I try, you always creep back into my mind.

I do what I do to make you proud,
I do what I do hoping you will approve.
I do what I do because I love you,
and don’t want you to think anything less of me.

I sit here all day,
And wonder,
what my life would be,
if you had stayed.
How it would be different,
How it would be the same.
I go through everyday,
Wondering what it would be like,
Imagining what it could be like,
Imagining the person I could have been.
I wonder how you would be different,
How Daddy would be different.
I wonder everything.

I wonder if you had a time machine,
and you could go back to the start,
and erase what you had done,
if you would.
Erase me from your mind,
erase me from your soul.

Those other kids don’t know what it’s like,
to be ripped away at such a young age,
to be taken from the only thing you know,
to be taken from the only thing you love,
And placed in the hands of someone else,
who doesn’t move the same,
sound the same,
feel the same.
The pain doesn’t end,
and I can’t stop the wondering.

The tears stream down my face,
I’ve lost something I can never replace.
The tears drip on the picture of you,
smearing the ink.

Momma I miss you,
Momma I love you,
Momma I need you,
Momma why don’t I get to have you?

Every night the tears fell,
only to be silenced by sleep.
Scarred wrists,
cuts of passion.
Battle wounds from the raging war against herself.

Each morning her eyes would open,
each night when she closed them she’d pray they wouldn’t,
eternal peace, eternal peace.
Another day lived in pain,
drowning while watching everyone else around her breathe.

Her biggest fear is herself,
terrified she’s going to **** herself or someone else.
She looks in the mirror,
the face she sees is not her own.
But what did she know about dreams coming true?
Reality took her childhood and pumped it full of lead,
leaving her surrounded by the smoldering pieces of her hopes and dreams.
A single tear rolls down her cheek,
drips onto the floor.
Barely audible, she whispered aloud,
“I thought growing up was supposed to be beautiful.”

People don't notice me.
I'm just another face in a great big sea
Nothing special to see here, just keep walking. Continue to do what you always do.
They are too busy with the people they love, the people they want to be with, the people they SEE.
The popular ones, not the ones like me swimming on the outer edges of the reef looking in and wishing they could be like them, the one's with friends, people who want to be around them.
They just keep looking through their crystal clear sea,
To busy to look more closely out into the murk and notice the kid like me, the one who really isn't really just looking for a lot of friends, just one or two who care enough to look through the murk, and notice my face in the sea.

I like driving better when you're in the shotgun seat
The way you reach over the center console and grab my hand
Never fails to take my breath away
I like sleeping a lot more when you're curled up next to me,
Your head on my chest
And the only sound breaking the silence is your peaceful, steady breathing
I like living better when it's with you
Your smile lights up my world
Your bright eyes bring calm to my heart
Your laugh,
Oh, darling, nothing makes me happier than that.

I told myself I wouldn't, I knew that I shouldn't, but I still fell for you. I knew it would only end in good bye, that you were only gonna make me cry, but for no matter how hard I tried, it was impossible not to love you.

Your chocolate brown eyes drew me in like quicksand, I needed to be able to call them mine. Your smile, oh your smile, it's like looking an angel straight in the eye. You're everything I've ever dreamed the one would be, except no matter what I do, you'll always be just out of reach.

I want to spend my life making you laugh, nothing makes me happier than that. Songs always say to walk a thousand miles for the one you love, but baby, I would walk so much farther than that, cause I love you, oh oh, I really do.

I have broken wings, with your heart I can fix them, and we'll both be able to fly sky high. Everything about you is perfect, are you even real? If I touched your skin, would my hand go right through? Oh baby, you're breaking my heart, and you don't even know.

If your heart's the moon, I'm Neil Armstrong, I'm coming for you. If this love is real, just like time and space, it's infinite, but I fear it's more like a supernova, burning so bright so quick, then blows up and is suddenly non-existent. I can't bear the thought of losing you, cause baby, I'm so in love with you, and you never even got the chance to know, cause you're just out of reach.

March.
The month I was born,
brought into the world.
March.
The month where it all got ripped away.
Everything I ever knew,
everything I ever loved,
taken away and replaced,
with something new,
something strange.
It didn’t move the same,
feel the same,
sound the same.
The month,
now a days,
where I experience the most pain.
Most kids would be happy it’s their birthday,
but not me,
at least anymore.
I know now that that day
Was the most traumatic incident of my life.
The day my everything was taken away.

Her head on my chest,
she's fast sleep,
Our fingers intertwined like the dance of the moon and the earth,
Her hair is in my face
And my arm,
Like her,
Is asleep,
But she is happy and she is safe
So I won't mind the itchy nose
Or the pins and needles in my arm
I wish I could freeze time
And stay in this moment forever
Because this
Is my favorite position

When you were little, you played with toys in this room. But now, you play with razors.
Instead of drawing with crayons, you draw with razors.
I always knew I'd grow out of my toys someday, but I never thought I'd replace them with razors.
The razors dance across my skin, carving a story only I can understand.
These razors are my toys now.
Sitting in my childhood room, blood flowing from my wrists and tears pouring from my cheeks,
I wonder why I had to grow up.

the sunset was stunning
just like you
the constant clickity clack of the train wheels on the tracks
remind me of the beat of your heart
everywhere i go
has bits and pieces of you
a trail of clues
for me to put together
until the sun has set
the clickity clack of the wheels has silenced
and i step into the night
and am blinded by the most beautiful light
you

You cry, I cry
I cry, You cry
The cycle never ends
In this crazy ride called life
We only have each other
To talk to
To be ourselves with
So close it feels like we are one
But we are really two
Connected by sharing every thought,
Every detail of this ride
The ride that ***** our breath away,
Makes us want to die
Makes us soar higher than the sky
A ride full of adventure, love, hate, and joy
This ride doesn't end for a long time
So I’m glad I have YOU.

Triggers everywhere,
reminding me of you,
of me,
of everything we had.
The trigger's pulled,
the flashbacks go boom, boom.
Killing me,
relentlessly.
Tearing me apart inside,
but on the outside, I look fine.
My mind plays a heartless game,
I can't take much more,
I wish I could just die.
Breathing fast,
heart racing.
Look around the room.
Hold it together, it'll pass.
But soon that rationale is gone,
I'm dying.
Full on panic, fight or flight gone wrong.
Just wanna curl up in a ball, cry, die.
I just can't take it anymore, you're everywhere.
The smallest things bring it back,
make me wanna quit,
give up on the little bit I have left, that little bit of life.
I'm going insane cause of the pain,
I cry out,
no one's listening,
I'm screaming now,
why can't anybody hear me?
It's like I'm drowning, while watching everyone else breathe.
I put the trigger to my head, and pull.
Boom, boom.
And this time, there’s beautiful silence.