Don't tell me to get in the shower "It'll make you feel better,"
When you are the one who caused the bruises,
the internal ache,
the tears stained on my face,
the nightmares when I close my eyes,
and the PTSD everybody thinks is a lie.

Maybe
if I turn
my back
you can
see
for yourself
the
******
constellations
you drew
with your
knife.

You sit in the back of my throat like last night's supper
I swallowed your lies because you were my lover
Who I did afterwards wasn't right
It was foolish and hurt and is wrong despite
The fact that I did it to save myself
To keep on ease my mental health
When you called me crazy for assuming the truth
No matter how hard you tried it was no use
You haven't changed and it's not my fault
That the girl you lie with now will never know
You don't really love her she's a painkiller
You're not an addict you're only a quitter

I hurt myself for loving you
There's a monster inside me I don't know what she'll do
Words are weapons for the weak
Without you I barely sleep
I broke my own heart in trying to mend yours
Every day I am alive is an endless chore
You hate me get in line
I'll never forgive myself until the end of time

How can I be so evil to the one I used to breathe for?
I am hurt and so spiteful
I am mad and ill met
I am sorry

I didn’t know it’s
unfashionable to wear
Your heart on your sleeve.

I didn’t catch that
lying was part of a game
that we’ve been playing.

It’s just a story
we tell with our bodies and
wash with our bedsheets.