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May 15 · 50
1,855
Keah Jones May 15
5 years and 1 month
that's 61 months
that's a total of 1,855 days
of me waking up next to the smell of you
a smell that will forever linger in my nose

I learned that this is called the Proust effect
certain scents bypass the brains thalamus and go directly to the smell center
causing them to trigger the most vivid memories and emotions

on that note

I found your shirt the other day
as I was trying to purge any evidence of you from my life
But I could not toss it aside before holding it to my face and inhaling your all too familiar smell

as the scent filled my nose
the flashbacks began

and now I can't sleep
Dec 2021 · 567
Crime
Keah Jones Dec 2021
thinking you were different was my crime

every night you stole from me like a waste of time
Dec 2021 · 113
Butterflies
Keah Jones Dec 2021
Recently I heard someone say that getting butterflies is a red flag
but when our eyes met across the bar
everything in a foggy haze of Captain and Coke
I didn't get butterflies
it was more like a swarm of wasps
trying to escape as the words rose up to find their way out of my mouth
Dec 2021 · 697
Shadow
Keah Jones Dec 2021
You met my shadow
A monster that has been lying dormant for years
Just waiting to come out and take over

You met my shadow
The thing I tried so hard to hide and protect you from
Because I knew it would scare you away

You met my shadow
“She” appeared from the deepest hell inside of me
When I felt my world was crashing down
Taking advantage when I was weak

You met my shadow
For that I am sorry

And I don’t blame you because
When “she” comes out of the darkness
All I want is to run away too

I am not using her as an excuse
merely wanting you to understand that “she” is not me
Nov 2021 · 314
Home
Keah Jones Nov 2021
Years ago,
I wrote a poem
warning to "never make a home of a human"

Today,
I find myself a hypocrite
eating my own advice and swallowing it whole

I made a home of you
only to realize it was constructed of straw
and all it took was one huff and one puff from you to blow the whole thing to the ******* ground
Nov 2021 · 69
To You
Keah Jones Nov 2021
To you, I am sorry

I'm sorry that the demons in my head got so loud I lost myself in the noise
screaming nails against chalkboard just hoping you would hear me

I'm sorry that I became an unrecognizable splinter of who I used to be
clawing for you, just out of reach, from inside a locked cage

Now here I am with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other
each day they are battling to see who I will follow

On the days that the devil wins
I spiral down into a hell I never believed in until now

On the days the angel wins though
I see a glimpse of the staircase to a heaven I always hoped was real

I want you to know, each moment I am getting closer to the top
It is no longer out of reach
And I hope you will meet me there
Nov 2021 · 50
At the Center
Keah Jones Nov 2021
Our meeting was the best thing that has ever happened to me

the thing is..
it was like being at the center of the universe
and the problem with being at the center is
when things get too close they have no where else to move except away
and it makes sense because now you are out of reach

i want you to know, you made me feel important
you made me feel more than i thought i was capable of

sometimes i feel this low rattling in my chest
and i know it's you
in a boxing match with my heart
telling it to soldier up and move on

but no matter how badly you want them
people like you come and go
even if you beg them to stay
Jul 2021 · 109
Untitled
Keah Jones Jul 2021
How you kissed me today is what I have been longing for

God, how I had missed the taste of your lips colliding with mine

So, I took in that moment

I engraved it in my memory

And I will go to war for that feeling again
Jul 2021 · 75
Used to Kiss
Keah Jones Jul 2021
Lately I have been taking showers so hot that they scorch my skin
leaving their mark on my body in every place that you used to kiss
Jul 2021 · 298
Untitled
Keah Jones Jul 2021
How can someone make you the happiest yet the saddest version of yourself?
Jul 2021 · 61
Doing my best
Keah Jones Jul 2021
You are doing your best
and bettering yourself

While,
I am doing my best
yet I am destroying my body, mind and soul
Doing everything I can to be here

Because you are better without me
but I was better with you...
Jul 2021 · 55
hope you are happy
Keah Jones Jul 2021
just tell me...

how do you plan a life with someone
and then one day
act like they don't exist?

i still remember meeting eyes across the bar
i remember the first time we kissed
the day you cleared out your closet to make room for me

and honestly
i hope she notices how you twitch right before you fall asleep
i hope she knows your favorite food
and your pet peeves

i just hope you are happy

but it kills me that it's not with me
Jul 2021 · 55
Untitled
Keah Jones Jul 2021
I gave you parts of me that I don't think I will ever get back

I realized this the night that I drove to your house drunk and fell in the front door, vomiting I Love Yous all over the floor

and I'm sorry for that

but more so I am sorry to myself

for trying so hard to get love from someone who never intended to give it to me
Jul 2021 · 74
Then and Now
Keah Jones Jul 2021
you used to look at me like i was the only thing that kept your heart beating
you used to hold onto me like you were scared that I would walk away

look at us now

you look at me with disgust
and flinch at the thought of grazing my skin
Jul 2021 · 422
Untitled
Keah Jones Jul 2021
Maybe I'm just a weak person

I couldn't get you out from underneath my skin

and I'm sorry I tried so hard

But, you were worth every second of it
And still are worth every second
Jul 2021 · 79
begging
Keah Jones Jul 2021
you can't beg someone to love you
I have learned this the hard way

when I first met you
I knew i was ******

when two hearts collide like ours did the only outcome is destruction
Jul 2021 · 137
3:47
Keah Jones Jul 2021
This is when it hits the hardest,
at 3:47 in the morning
when I wake up and realize you aren't next to me
when the memories of us are flash flooding through my brain

sleep comes in waves these days
I have tried my best
but I cannot will these nightmares away
god, how badly I want to be wrapped around you in the bed we used to share
Jul 2021 · 61
Glass Heart
Keah Jones Jul 2021
My heart has shattered like a piece of glass
Fragments lodging themselves in my rib cage
With every move I make I feel the shards threatening to cut deeper
There are moments when I like the pain because it makes me feel alive

And I am starting to think that maybe I am to blame for breaking my own heart by hanging onto the what could have beens

Because, my love, I could never blame you even if I so badly wanted to

And if you try to puzzle piece us back together one day, be careful not to cut yourself on this glass heart
Jul 2021 · 48
We Were Electric
Keah Jones Jul 2021
We were electric
but then the breaker blew
how I wish that we could flip a switch and get that light back
but for now the lights have turned out and we must find solace in the dark
something I was always afraid to be alone in
because when a sense like sight is taken from you, all that's left is the unknown of what lies ahead
Maybe one day the breaker will flip and we can get our light back
Jul 2021 · 188
Stay
Keah Jones Jul 2021
Four letters
that's all it will take to erase this nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from

Four letters
that are straddling this abyss between us

Four simple letters
that I keep praying you will say

Baby,
Please
Just ask me to STAY
Jul 2021 · 61
Untitled
Keah Jones Jul 2021
I don't think I will ever stop holding onto the hope of a you and me
because love never made much sense until I met you
and I don't think time will heal the hole in my heart that was us
Jul 2021 · 147
loving too much
Keah Jones Jul 2021
Maybe my fault was loving you too much
because, darling, you are such a beautiful human
and our souls will forever be intertwined
but if you must go for now, i understand
just know, on the other side i will be waiting
Jul 2021 · 55
Rocks
Keah Jones Jul 2021
there are rocks in the pit of my stomach

the ones you put there

maybe you were hoping they would help me drown
Jul 2021 · 1.0k
you left
Keah Jones Jul 2021
You left

Like I was something to be forgotten

And maybe I am.
just another thing to forget
Jul 2021 · 54
suffocating soul
Keah Jones Jul 2021
my soul is suffocating
as your cold hands clasp around it
finger by tightening finger all of me is fading

I am screaming out but no one hears me
my throat is becoming hoarse
my stomach is shrinking
everything i was is withering away
Jun 2021 · 176
Indecisive
Keah Jones Jun 2021
I shouldn't write this
because you might read it

but these words that are threatening to spill from my mouth will be spilled from my fingers instead

and you will be mad that a bunch of strangers are reading this

but

one night you stumbled in drunk telling me i was the only one you wanted to fall asleep next to

this was said after you told me you were tired of me

after you told me I disgusted you

so please make up your mind
Jun 2021 · 112
Sharks
Keah Jones Jun 2021
I wrote a poem for you the other day
but ill never give it to you
just like i wrote you a letter everyday that i felt your memory swipe at my brain stem that month of june

you left foot prints when you walked out unknowing that i could follow you
but as time wore on the foot prints began to fade and you began to as well

Nevermind that

I have a thing for the tops of mountains
I like to stand on the hood of my car and let the wind chill my spine as i wait for the next thing to happen
we are always waiting for the next thing to happen

arriving like students on the first day of school
arriving like 1 a.m.
arriving like you never did

and at first I thought i could fix you  

I thought i could fix you when he threw me into that car
I thought i could fix you when he called me a ****
I thought i could fix you

and then i began to think that you were fixing me

but i dont think the grunting acknowledgement i got everytime i told you something from the darkest pit on the left side of my body is really considered fixing

it was just nice to say the nightmares out loud

I dissolved into a ****** wrapper in a landfill
cracked my ribs open and invited you in

sharks cant live in the air and we cant breathe in water

but i

i breathe you

And you touched me like i was acid
like i would burn your skin if your finger tips lingered too long

I wish, baby

cause then maybe we wouldnt have dragged it out this long
maybe then you would have run away like i did every time i closed my eyes

we were not human we were clothespins airing out our cloaks of emotions on the line

We were strung up like telephone wires fleeing one city for the next in hopes of a fresh start

I wrote yes on my forearm and no on my hand
Apr 2021 · 61
Dear Brother
Keah Jones Apr 2021
I carry the guilt
like the devil is on my shoulder

I didn't mean to steal your thunder
you should have never been put on the back burner

you were my warrior
in the battle that became

I just wanted to be like you
envied the strength that you portrayed

Just know
that you deserve everything you came to be

I still have yet to make peace with the past
and to do that
can we go back to the beginning?

rewrite the past
to leap into the future
Apr 2021 · 110
Grave Digger
Keah Jones Apr 2021
I am sorry I dug this grave between us

I never meant to

I lost myself somewhere in between the thin white lines on the table
Constantly chasing the high of feeling something

And maybe you don’t get it
And maybe you will never understand

But now
I see

I have ****** up in total

and I pray to god that you will be happy

Even if it's without me
Apr 2021 · 71
You
Keah Jones Apr 2021
You
Death is not always a body that shuts down

I have learned that it can also be watching the one that you love walk out the door

Maybe i was fooling myself when i thought we were invincible

Because now i lay here in this bed alone

And as i roll over to touch your skin

You aren’t there
Apr 2021 · 68
Untitled
Keah Jones Apr 2021
Bile is rising in my throat

You threw me away like I was something to be ashamed of
Apr 2021 · 331
The End
Keah Jones Apr 2021
Do not tell me that was the end

the contempt has finally left my body

and I am ready for the beginning
Apr 2021 · 65
It Never Fades
Keah Jones Apr 2021
Darling,

what they say isn't true

the heartache never fades

the sound of her voice will ring in your ears

the scent of her skin will send shivers down your spine

and the touch of her hand will forever stay on your shoulder

try and find peace in these moments

you may not be able to pull her into your embrace

but take solace in the time you had

close your eyes

whisper her name

I wish I could tell you that it fades

but this heartache will never go away

lean on me darling

and whisper her name
this is for you Cassie
Apr 2021 · 275
What's it Worth
Keah Jones Apr 2021
the words that stumble from your mouth
become particles in the air
have you ever told the truth?

let me ask you
what is 12 years worth?
Apr 2021 · 56
Believe It
Keah Jones Apr 2021
Being "too much"
is a blessing
not a curse

say it again
and listen
as you taste the words on your tongue

just say it again
and believe it
Apr 2021 · 418
Here I Am
Keah Jones Apr 2021
Here I am
Exactly where I belong
It took many changes, trials and tribulations to get here, but look
everyone
I made it

I made it

maybe not to my peak
because no doubt I am still climbing
and I will keep on until I reach that peak
At the top of the mountain
I imagine the air is clear
deep breaths come naturally
and the sun is rising.
we are all climbing
Apr 2021 · 74
your voice
Keah Jones Apr 2021
if I could here your voice once more
would my world come crashing down around me?
would I fall to my knees and scream at god for what he took from me?

these are questions that no one can answer
not even myself
Apr 2021 · 147
The next fix
Keah Jones Apr 2021
you left on a wednesday
with a fire in your soul
burning everything in your past
and never looking back

simmering coals in every footstep that you took
we became your ashes
and you had no use for them

replacing us with ***** and blow
your mind was consumed with the next fix
and in no time at all
she walked into your life...
Jan 2021 · 70
Know me still
Keah Jones Jan 2021
We were ***** laundry
but the kind you let sit in the washer too long after its done
so you have to wash it again...

That was our cycle.
Gentle .
Then regular.
Then just spin.
But washing clothes too many times, you know, wears them out, love.

And I didn't want to be worn out, love.
But holes began to appear and the colors begin to fade
black became grey
white became yellowish
you became the someone you never wanted to be.

The rice is boiling over in the kitchen
and I begin to stare
find the beauty in the white foam falling over the brim
like soldiers in line where they were not supposed to go.

The hiss and silence as heat collides with hotter
and you became the person you never wanted to be.

You know me naked
you know me invisible
you know me undone.

And what happened to that?

know me still
just try
know me still, love

But now I don't know you
your inside out of what you used to be
your upside down of what is coming
you became the person you never wanted to be
or maybe one that I never wanted you to be..
And maybe in time, we will see..
Jan 2021 · 82
Backbone
Keah Jones Jan 2021
this backbone to broken hearts has distorted too much
raging on against everything that was once known

and here we are again
broken hearted
slowly fading away
Jan 2021 · 67
Protect You
Keah Jones Jan 2021
I cannot protect you

not like you protected me

my body was giving into the darkness of my brain

and now your body is giving into itself

nerve by nerve

muscle by muscle

you are fading

you have lost control

you have lost your freedom

and that is the saddest story i have ever told
Jan 2021 · 59
Honey
Keah Jones Jan 2021
Honey, you said
I hope this kills me
not at a slow dance pace
but quickly

Honey, you said
I hope this kills you
not at a slow dance of a pace
but quickly
nothing is promised
do not take anything for granted
Dec 2020 · 53
Mutation
Keah Jones Dec 2020
Genes
every one is a gamble
what makes a human who they are
and the terrifying part is so much is still in question

what we will become is unknown
percentages, chances,
the odds are a gamble

and as I watch you
i cant help but pray to god the odds are in my favor

this mutation has taken over your body
shedding pound after pound
each nerve stressed to its limit
each muscle begging to give in

fingers curled and toothpick legs fighting to find their footing
a brain that is losing memories faster than they were created

the body will only endure this kind of pain for so long

and as i watch you
i cant help but pray to god the odds are in my favor
Mar 2020 · 135
Until we meet again
Keah Jones Mar 2020
I will swallow your memory until we meet again
in the future where your ghosts and mine align

I have grown up you see
in a limbo of half way there and almost here

and someday soon our opposite worlds will align
Mar 2020 · 132
Who was there?
Keah Jones Mar 2020
She told me that she is the reason I am alive
like she takes the credit for the fight I went through

but what she doesn't realize is
she wasn't there when the electricity coursed through my brain
I woke up alone to a nurse shaking me, telling me I was ok
I couldn't dress myself
I was wheeled to the curb and into the trust of a stranger
I had to ask the cab to stop on so i could ***** in the street
she wasn't there when I couldn't remember yesterday

But she takes credit for the fight I went through
a draft from years ago
Feb 2020 · 227
the past
Keah Jones Feb 2020
I keep my sneakers by my bed in case i need to run away from these nightmares
the ones where the ghosts of my past come chasing me down
clawing at my skin to get inside of me
forcing their way down my throat to consume me

i keep my sneakers by my bed so my nightmares can't catch up with me
Oct 2019 · 145
Too Much
Keah Jones Oct 2019
look
i know I'm too much
too kind
too curious
too sensitive
too emotional
but i will weather the storm
the one that is breaking between us
the one where i am too afraid that i might lose you i won't blink
for in that second i may lose you

look
you need to realize
everyone that came before you left
had an excuse
i will sabotage myself until the world rocks off its axis
but i will not let go of you

so please stay and the world will align again
and the stars will shine
and i will know that you are here
Aren't we all a little too much..
Oct 2019 · 343
This Way
Keah Jones Oct 2019
i wasn't always this way
i want you to know that
take it in
imagine me happy
imagine me full of life
I'm sorry that you didn't see that
I'm sorry that all you had was the destruction that i was
she was not always this way
I wish you knew her then
Oct 2019 · 116
Scattered
Keah Jones Oct 2019
Slipping through my fingers like that of sand through an hourglass
The flame of life is being smothered
And it may not feel real
But i wont fall i will not open this flesh
I will hide the pain inside
Never to be seen
Until it is a scattered masterpiece of me
Oct 2019 · 170
Protect
Keah Jones Oct 2019
I cannot protect you from this
and oh how i wish i could
you will be confused
you will be angry
you will be hurt

but this is not about you baby boy
you have not done anything wrong
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