She always saw the best in those
Who were the worst for her heart
She let those in who didn't deserve
To see the broken pieces of her art

I can’t sleep.
My mind is a mess.
Every moment I’ve lived.
Every memory I have.
Every experience I’ve been through.
Is coursing through my body.
Screaming to get out.

As if I was dreaming while still awake.
In front of my eyes are projected,
Images as clear as a movie on a screen.
Can’t tell reality from fantasy.

Poetry is a drug.
Its an escape that I can run to.
Always. Whenever.
My mind, always composing.
Sometimes things I want to write
Sometimes things I don’t want to write.
But I’m an addict, so I write them anyways.

There's a war in my head.
Raw thoughts,
still jumbled looking for shape.
Sentences with no sense
fighting in my head.
Riots of ideas,
wishing to be expressed.
Waves of words clashing against the feelings put into them.
An eternal minefield.
A loudness that only a few comprehend.

Therefore,
I can’t sleep.
My mind is a mess.
So I’m writing this instead.

He smiled at me and said 'here, take this'

It was a happy little pill of his and it would feel bliss

I smiled and gave him a kiss saying, 'thank you baby'

But what happened next forever will drive me crazy

Next thing you know I was spinning in my head

Then he wanted to bring me to a bed

His friends walked in and wanted more

So they all called me a ‘***** little *****’

My body was numb and I couldn’t move

I let out a scream but they didn’t approve

Everything went black but then again I woke

But to them it was nothing but a funny little joke

They locked me inside of a walk in closet

So if there was a stir I sure wouldn’t cause it

I blacked out again and woke in a different place

Treating me as if my soul were missing and my body were a case

Still I was unable to move nor speak

But he still said he loved me and kissed me on the cheek

I counted five inhumane beings on top of me moaning

One was even playfully groaning

I was disgusted and wanted it to end

But I knew that after this my mind would never mend

By now it would have been a little past three in the morning

Earlier I should have taken that adorable face as a warning

When they realized I was sobering up

They had an alibi saying they’d call this a hookup

When I could finally move my mouth again

I realized what had happened and felt heavy chest pain

They heard that I was muttering words that were incomprehensible

They saw me as nothing more than a body and that I was dispensable

They came up with a plan to hide my body in a ditch

I even heard one say, 'she deserved it, what a stupid *****'

I hit my head when they threw me on the ground

I only saw black in front of me and around

I woke up to a woman asking if I were okay

I only said one phrase and it was that 'I was betrayed'

What happened after that is irrelevant at best

All I will say is that I was nothing but stressed

This is my story and it happened two years ago today

Nailing an image in my mind that I was a targeted prey

I know now that I hold so much more worth

And I love myself more than anything on this Earth

Just know that these words have come straight from my heart

No matter how vile and disgusting this memory is, I can never restart

So I tried to make it a poem so it seems like some kind of art.

h.m.w