the last thing you told me
was your darkest secret
there was no after

no time to react
but only wonder
about not knowing sleeping next to you

when you shared what you did not want to
i stared not wanting to hear
no words escaped so i embraced you

you left in a matter of minutes
postponing to a later that never was
did you think you had scared me away?

a million things i would have said
had we been lucky enough
to meet again

you never heard how much you matter
we did not hug goodbye
i wish you knew: after all, i don't care

i can see it flicker, slowly dying
a fire that burned once brighter than our love

i pour in all my heart
longing for the flames to soar back to life

aggressively i throw wet wood, needing to heal
when rising smoke blinds my senses, cuts open my lungs

all the shining colors are gone - red, yellow, gold
as smothering darkness sits on my chest

accompanied by deafening silence
that swallowed the healthy sizzling noise

i stare at the orange fervor, mesmerized
unaware of the tears desperately watering my desiccated eyes

no matter how beautiful
all fires burn out

once you told me
i get in the way of your happiness

now, wherever my tired legs carry me
your fading shadow follows

my surroundings, nothing but props
drenched in memories, dripping our worst and best moments

if only i could soak up the residue
of the most breathtaking wave i have ever laid eyes on

remembering every deafening surf
i surrender myself to the cold pouring rain

each hard drop aches to wash off
the draining past from my empty face

once you told me
i get in the way of your happiness

but pure happiness
is just a colorless green idea sleeping furiously in our innocent minds

an itsy bitsy virus
violently stole you
from the gentle embrace
that was never firm
afraid you might feel too loved

when you had slipped away loudly
the gentle embrace felt empty
looking for you
with big longing eyes
wherever it traveled

deep down the gentle embrace knew
nobody could fill
the throbbing whole you had left
nothing would replace
what the itsy bitsy virus had taken

i used to think that
          everything is nothing without you
oh dear
          how wrong i was
after all
          everything is everything with me

can you believe all the little things that had to happen for us to meet?
every step, every breath i took to find you.

i don't believe in fate.

can you believe all the little things that had to happen for us to be torn apart?
it started with a bat and ended in a pandemic.

i don't believe in fate.

i will not try to change you
i will not fight you
i will not be naive

i will accept you
i will wait for you to come to me
i will love you no matter what

i promise