If you ask how I'm feeling
Prepare for a long talk
But if you want the short version
Then I'll try to sum it up

How do I feel?

I feel like
I'm fighting a battle
With a billion moquitoes

One bite isn't a big deal
Neither is two

But I'm getting bombarded
Bite after
Bite after
Bite

I am surrounded by the enemy
And no matter how many I ****
There's another to take it's place

I can't escape
They're ******* the life out of me

Even if they don't **** me
They hurt
Like you wouldn't believe

So how do I feel?

Like I'm being attacked
By a billion mosquitoes

ISTEP
That's the standardized test
Where I live

Istepped
Through great hurdles

Istepped
Low and sad

Istepped
Hard and fast

Istepped
Into stress

I did everything I could
ISTEP
So if I messed up,
I'm sorry

*Itripped

Ten
Tears that fell

Nine
Half hearted oh wells

Eight
Sleepless nights

Seven
Silent screams

Six
Simple scratches

Five
Days left

Four
Depressive thoughts

Three
Anxious ones

Two
Ugly options

One
Last chance

Zero*
No more, she's gone

The water cycle
Of my soul
Goes something like this

Pain collects,

Joy evaporates

Hopelessness condensates

And sadness preciptitates

On and on and on
This is the water cycle
Of my soul

I often carry
On so much
Anger and sadness
That when something
Small goes wrong.
I break, and it
Makes people
Think i'm crazy.
But you know whats
Even more crazy?
Caring on all that
Without knowing
Which or who's
Direction to aim it at.

I want to write a happy poem
I truly do

But when I write
I let it pour straight
From my soul
To the paper

And happiness
You see,
Is something
My soul doesn't
Even remember

I want to write a happy poem
Honest

I've tried
And tried
But every time
They've ended up
In the trash

I want to write a happy poem
I really do

But apparently,
You need to be happy
To share
Happiness

Which means
All I can spread
Is sadness

If I don't have to answer a text
I won't look at it
That way,
My phone continues to tell me
That I have a message
And I feel a little less alone,
Like someone actually
Wants to talk to me

I count my notebooks
Every morning
Before school
Even if I haven't touched them all night
Just to be extra sure

I smile when I'm sad
Just to look happy
For everyone out there
Even when the best thing
To do
Would be to cry my eyes out

I have a lot
Of silly habits

Please,
Remind me;

What does joy feel like?
Why is it so desired?
Does it even exist?

Remind me;

What does content sleep feel like?
Do you dream?
Can you remember anything?

Remind me;

What does peace feel like?
Does it ever change?
Is it really that good?

Remind me;

What does innocence feel like?
Do you care about things still?
Are there still some who feel it?

I'll remind you;
Not knowing these
*****