I no longer have the will to mutilate myself with harsh shrieks and crooked lines. It'd only make since if i got rid of the objects, but yet i keep them hidden, just behind all my lies. I honestly have to purpose for them, but i just can't demolish them, because what if one day i decide to create a new purpose for them? Maybe I'm just afraid of change, but that hasn't stopped me for the past year or so. There's been nothing but change, yet those tools stayed secluded, no longer creating any masterpieces. One thing that has remained the same from the start is my tendency to self destruct at any given hour. So sure, there may no longer be a sea of untold stories written all over my body. But the tsunami in brain is on the verge of overflowing. Just one more storm, and this whole ship could be wrecked. The passengers haven't even noticed a change, probably wouldn't mind if the whole ******* ship ran into the bay. So maybe it's true that I'm afraid of change; because in the past five years, the only thing that's changed is the way i chose to paint my picture.
Who needs antidepressants when i have my own best form of therapy. It may not be what you consider healthy, but when i put it to use, it surely does make me happy. Maybe you don't know whats best for me but that's just fine because the only person living in this body is me
But are you truly happy, when you
only feel that way with the help of alcohol and ****? leading you to live your life in a false state of euphoria. But that's just fine, because it's the only way you know how to survive - it's how you've been getting by for the past six months at least. It doesn't look like you'll be changing your ways any time soon, but why would you? You've got nothing left to lose. So why not stay happy; or at least that's what you think it'll do.
I blame it on my period, but it's my own lack of self control
I'm trying to get better, so it should start getting easier, shouldn't it?
But that's not how it works, no, not at all.
You still spend every single day consuming calories and wanting to explode.
You may not explode as often any more, but you still loosen your cannons daily.
You try to get buy with just one meal, but that turns into a full fledged feast.
You eat and you eat until you can't anymore, then goto the toilet and let some bombs explode.
But since you're getting better, you don't use up all of your ammo
You leave it hidden away, adding on some extra armor.
Then you wake up, see what all the violence caused you to gain
And you just feel like **** because you no longer come out on top every day.
You're losing battles left and right; and the saddest thing is, you're losing to your own mind.
You were always the type for hit it and quit it, i don't know why i thought this time would be any different.
I caused you a lot of stress,
and you stayed ******* with my head
But eventually you wore me down and i just gave in.
I experienced so many firsts with you, all in the same two hour time frame
But once i gave my virginity to you, you stopped replying to my messages.
It wasn't a big deal to me, i just wish you'd be real with me.
This message has been on 'read' since the day that it happened, when all i was asking was if you'd want it to happen again.
It was a fun time tho, so thanks for that i suppose.
I just wish you'd stop being such a ******* head **** and let me know what your true intentions are.