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 Jun 2015 Jennifer Stewart
Perri
I told my mom about events from my past,
events that shaped my bitter bones,
memories that will forever last.

I regret telling her
I had no friends until age 9
and that people would tell me
that they wish I would die.
I should have never informed her
that when I was young,
the pain people would bring to me,
tell me that I would never feel love.
I wish I didn't let her know
of the words people would constantly throw
my way.
How I would beg the teachers daily,
to not force me to go out to "play".

I was so ashamed
of the 12 grades of toucher,
until the day I was finally free.
But unfortunately,
all this damage,
it has taken far too much
away from me.

Now I am uncomfortable,
knowing that she now knows
everything I have kept covered.
I don't like people's concerns,
it makes me uneasy when they care;
I become smothered.
I cut
So slowly

You could say
That I am afraid
That could be true

But in my mind
As I dig my fingernail in
Slide the knife sideways
Or bite my cheek so hard

I think
You deserve this
This is your payment
This is what you get

And when I see the blood run

I think
There go your sorrows
There goes your guilt
There goes your fear

And I am purged

I got what I deserved
I should feel better
The bad emotions left
With my blood

Or at least that's the purpose

*So why does it never make me feel better?
Yes, I cut, but I never feel that much better. I don't know why I keep doing it....
Hold in your pain and swallow their lies.
Stick with it honey, hold onto your pride.
Don't let them see that your dying inside.

A smile will cover the scars on your heart.
We've all known that right from the start.

Put on some make up and do as your told.
It's a vicious cycle to which we've sold our souls.
thx for the name JWL ;)
The setting sun is already gone
Tomorrow it will come again
But when you leave like that
I never know if it's the end

Nothing that changes is mine
I tried to keep it but now nobody can
But what happens next is you
And what happens to me is your plan

I can't think like that anymore
You want to talk small
But what I said yesterday
Was more than saying that's all

It was a nice day once
Like a child playing on swings
But what I see in you anymore
Is a child playing with my strings
My house is full
Of these pictures

They aren't ordinary pictures
They move in the frames
Like in Harry Potter

The pictures show a girl
I see her everytime I walk past

I'm quite jealous of this girl
She looks so happy
She's pretty
She looks kind
She looks peaceful
She looks rested

I'm nothing like that
I wish I was
So I'm jealous of this
Picture girl

But maybe I shouldn't be
You see,

These pictures have a special name
Mirrors

And the girl has a special name too
*Nicole
I lie too well..... Not that anyone would care even if they saw the pain....
On days like these,
I wondered if you thought of me too.
Dear Me,

Why are you like this?

Not like how others see you or how you present yourself to others but how you really are...

Why cant you ever be strong? Why must you falter when youre needing to be strong?

How can you break so easily and find it so hard to piece back together your broken being?

Is this who you want to be? How you want others to see you? What will they think of you?

So many questions... So few answers

You no longer know who you are do you..?

Sincerely,
me
Hearts of steel
Hearts of stone

Hearts of diamond
Hearts of dust

Hearts of paper
Hearts of plastic

Hearts of steel
Are strong
Sturdy
Reliable
But you can never see inside

Hearts of stone
Are strong
But from pain
In the past they were
Hot lava
But they've hardened
By the world's touch

Hearts of diamond
You can see inside
Their deepest fears
And weaknesses
But they are strong
You will never break them

Hearts of dust
Are vulnerable
Beautiful
But blown away
By the first gust of wind

Hearts of paper
Rip easily
But can be
Put back together
And be mostly the same
They record their life's pain
On their heart

Hearts of plastic
Are clear
You can see inside
They are melted easily
Damaged effortlessly
But kept safe
They are lovely
And wonderful

Hearts are not
Simply blood and tissue
They are
Steel and stone
Diamond and dust
Or paper and plastic
Or many more

*What is your heart made of?
Comment what you think your heart is made of and why :)
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